Oh ok, I didn't realise he was in pull ups already....
The potty I have is rather big... I would keep looking.. But I guess you are probably limited out were you live?
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Oh ok, I didn't realise he was in pull ups already....
The potty I have is rather big... I would keep looking.. But I guess you are probably limited out were you live?
If he is holding a wee all day until night I don't think you should persist without some professional advice/help. If his bladder gets full and he gets reflux of urine up to his kidneys from the pressure you could run into some real problems.
i dont know whether this ruined my son but he is 2.5 and he would scream beyound scream to sit on the toilet i bought an insert for the toilet with a little ladder the whole lot he still refused to sit on it so i use to sit him on it while screaming and explain to him that nothing can hurt him and just comforted him the whole time, once he finally did a wee i would dance around like an idiot (he would laugh at me) and tell him how wonderful and clever he was to go, my son doesnt like being told he is a "big boy" so maybe stear clear of telling your son this maybe like someone else mentioned alot earlier on he doesnt want to grow up
I also started a toilet training chart, everytime he sat on the toilet and no crying was involved he would get a star then once he got used to this i then changed it to u only get a star when you do a wee and he soon caught on, another thing that my son found amusing was those little 4 minute shower timers that the water companies handed out a few yrs ago we stuck it to the wall and turned it and when it finished (even if nothing had been done in the toilet) he was allowed off, i also bought little gifts for him and gave him chocolates when he did something in the toilet not all the time but it still encouraged him
I second what others have said dont give up now you have started keep being consistent as the more you give in the more he is going to know your giving up and i too believe at 4yr enough is enough!
Goodluck and i really hope your going to get somewhere it might be a long journey as they say nothing is easy so stick it out and u will be glad you did in the long run!
before i go, also does he watch daddy wee?? my son loved watching daddy go to the toilet and he actually asked me what i was doing one day on the toilet ( THIS MIGHT SOUND GROSS AND TMI) but i showed him i was weeing and he got all excited that mummy and daddy wee'd in the toilet, you really need to make a big deal about going to the toilet talk to him about it telling him its ok to feel scared about the toilet but there is nothing on there that will hurt him, tell him you will stay with him while going to the toilet he can even hold onto you, maybe take a book to read while on the toilet???
ETA: i spoke to my mum not long ago my younger sister has a disability and never got night toilet trained until she was about 15 mum had tests done on her and it comes back she has 3 tubes coming from her bladder instead of 2 so she found it very hard to hold on, well anyways when it come to day toilet training mum said she was quite good at toilet training so if someone with 3 cords from their bladder can toilet train then surely your son can too....And i wonder also are you sure he's not weeing on the lounge or anything cause surely you cant hold on ALL day without needing to wee!
If you dont like the idea of peeing outside, how about one of those wee man things, that hang on the side of the loo and the boys can pee into them, then you tip up into the toilet... the he doesnt have to sit and you might get the pee trained that way and then move onto the poos.???
Ok i THINK we may be getting somewhere. We went shopping and so i put a nappy on him and he asked me if we were going out. So he is realising that nappies are for bed and for going out only. When we got home just now i took the nappy off and he had no complaints about it.
Now just got to get him to do a wee.. He's definatly not doing it anywhere cause his pants are still dry. Even if he starts to do a wee i can quickly take him into the toilet so he realises that weeing means toilet?? I dunno. Its a bit hard though when he doesnt let me know when he needs to go, only after he has gone.
Anyway just the fact he now knows nappies are off as soon as we are home is a good thing.
Well it is a start T and hopefully it will get better from here. Fingers crossed you get some results soon.
Antheia that is a start and ive also remembered with this course im doing it also says dont give children options so for example "do you want a bath?" you say "(childs name) its time for a bath now", so instead of giving him the option i would just grab his hand and take him to the toilet, i started asking my son if he needed to go to the toilet and the answer was always no, i eventually just started grabbing his hand and saying its time to go sit on the toilet and surprise surprise he would actually need to go majority of the time i took him, now at 2.7yrs old he helps himself to the toilet, not all the time we still get distracted by toys and stuff but atleast he has the idea of when he needs to go!
I really send all my goodluck/positive vibes that you get somewhere with this :hug: it is very frustrating at times!
I agree.:
has he said WHY he doesn't want to use the toilet?
my neice fell in (daddy left the seat up) and was too scared to use the loo, she was finally retrained just after her 4th bday.
I have no idea about any of this so sorry if I'm way off point here, but found it really interesting reading.
Just wondering.....if making it a big deal means he fights it more and more......maybe don't make it a big deal?
Someone else on here said don't give him options and that seems right to me. What about having a grown up chat with him and laying it out once and for all and then leaving it alone completely? Letting him come to you? You know like 'Ok buddy, mummy & daddy have decided that you are doing so well that we'll let you use the toilet from now on.' Same thing with the nappies, show him the remaining stash and explain that 'this is all we have left, once this runs out there aren't anymore nappies for you'. 'Now mummy and daddy will let you use the toilet yourself if you want to, or you can ask mummy or daddy for help anytime'.
Again I said I've no experience in this at all, so sorry if this is completely wrong, but I just think kids are funny ya know.....the more you try to tell them somethings good for them....the more they fight like all hell to avoid it.
Maybe making it sound like it's a privelage and something special you're trusting him with might click with him??
Anyway best of luck! I have no idea what you're going through but it sounds terribly hard and stressful so I hope he comes round really soon for you :hug: :hug:
:yeahthat:
I know it's more complicated than this and you've been given some great advice about all the ins and outs by the PPs... AND, though I've done TT with lots of kids through work, I've never done it with my own.... AND you know how he ticks best of course....
But my feeling is that he knows what the expectation is, he knows what he's supposed to do and when, but he's not responding well at all to the pressure or attention. So maybe just making it clear one more time and then giving it no more attention or 'air time' might make him feel less self-conscious about it. It also seems like he's got something here he can control - you want him to, and he can make sure you don't 'win' as such. But if there's no sense of pressure from you then there's nothing for him to fight against IYKWIM.
Dunno. :dunno: Good luck. Lots of TT vibes being sent your way. xoxo
I just wanted to confirm that i don't pressure him at all. I have asked only once today if he wants to use the toilet, he said no so i left it. However, i did take your advice lissy and i said that it'd be much easier if he used the toilet and that nappies are not to be used at home during the day and to tell me if he needs to go. Then i left it at that. But he refused to even listen to me. He crossed his arms and turned away from me. I asked him to face me and he did but he refused to make eye contact. So i gave up.
Santosha, you are right. He does understand what is expected. But there is hardly any pressure and im not giving it any attention. So im not sure why he is resisting?
This morning i said come on its toilet time. I went and then said ok now your turn. He just walked away... *shrugs*
He finally did a wee, in his pants, on the lounge. He didn't even tell me, DD told me when she found it was wet. So i asked if he did a wee, he wouldnt answer. So i just said ok lets find some new pants. He then asked for a shower which DH gave him.
He just seems really embarrassed by it all. Even though theres never been any real pressure and i have never forced him to sit on the toilet or anything. I really don't think he is trying to rebel or trying to obtain power over us. I just think its pure embarrassment/anxiety. And i really don't know how to overcome this. I have reasured him that it is safe, it wont hurt him, etc. But he just doesn't want to hear it.
Well he did another wee in his pants without telling me. I just casually said next time tell me if you need to do a wee. He said no, Hmmm... Just really don't kow how to get around this.
Ahhh cool. Sorry then. Guess it just seemed that way as you've mentioned asking him if he needs to go etc. a bit here. As far as turning his back on you... well I'd guess his ears still work so he heard you, just wanted to communicate that he didn't really want to listen!
Oh it sounds so tricky and I wish I could help more but I REALLY don't know! GL again.
Have you asked him where he wants to do a wee apart from in his nappy.. he should be able to talk to you..
It must be so hard but I think you are doing very good. And maybe having accidents is a good thing. He might feel embarrassed but hopefully he will just go to the toilet next time..
Well at least he's not holding it and doing any damage :hug: Maybe get him to help clean it up??
Im starting to think theres more wrong here. I'm adding everything up and it seems really unusual.
aussienic, you say he should be able to talk to me and you are right. But honestly he hardly ever talks unless it is to DD. He hardly answers any of our questions whether it is to do with TT or not. He will come up to us and ask us for things like food, drink etc. Or mention if he's watching a really good tv show or playing with a toy he loves or sees something he likes or whatever. But if we directly talk to him he just shuts down and doesnt repond or it takes us 5 times of asking before we only get a yes or no answer. For eg. He just came up to me said daddy is making a cake. I said really that sounds yum. then i asked if he wanted some later and i got no answer, he just sat there. It's weird.
I should probably go get some professional help but im not even sure what im saying. Maybe its all in my head?
Ok Anth.. we're half way there now!!! He's not holding it in anymore! Let him pee all over the place, least he's not doing any damage kwim?? i am pretty sure that the issue of peeing his pants is going to become alot more embarrasing for him than using the potty. I know with DD she wasn't the least bit interested in weeing on the potty (and i mean shes not a pro yet) until she saw other little kids doing it.
I'd highly recommend an outside opinion. That's why I asked about developmental concerns before. If he's not very communicative this could be partof a bigger issue someone can help you with.:
If you decide to go back to nappies in the meantime then just explain how there are still some left so he can use them till they "run out". Leaves you with the option of coming back and him knowing you haven't just given up.