Is this harsh?

[Antheia]

Ok so tomorrow i have decided enough is enough and DS1 will learn to use the toilet. Some of you have probably seen my other post about him refusing to TT, if not the gist is, he's just turned 4 and absolutely refuses to use the toilet. Chucks major tantys, holds onto wee and poos if i refuse to give him a nappy etc. Ignoring the fact is just not doing any of us a favour. I keep hearing that if we stop trying then he will go but i only ever mention it between months at a time and still nothing. He's old enough to use the toilet and he's getting to big for nappies and it's just getting too hard to change him.

So as soon as his night nappy comes off in the morning he won't be getting another until bed time. Do you think this is harsh? I know there will be tears, tantrums, and probably a lot of accidents. I don't expect he will even enter the bathroom. But i don't really have any other options left. I told him just now that he will be learning to use the toilet tomorrow. He said no, walked into his room and slammed the door shut. *sigh* I hope i can win this battle.

[Babyluv]

Doesn't sound harsh to me, i'm sure if you stick to your guns he will be using the toilet in no time

[Jaycee]

Doesn't sound harsh to me at all, sounds like your DS needs a little push in the right direction

[Traveller]

prepare for a tough week whilst he realises you are serious, but I think this could be a good move for you and your son

[Spring Angel]

I think by 4 I'd be trying the same approach. Just keep it positive ' you're a big boy now, no more nappies for you' plenty of praise and rewards (bribes) if needed.

Good luck

[kirsty_lee]

Whilst I am all for no battling with TT and letting them come to use it in their own time (which i've done with my dd 2.5 and she's starting to say when she needs to go etc) I think there's a line ya know? By 4, I think I would be doing exactly what you are doing. As some of the others said, I think you will have some resistance so prepare for that. Because he's probably got it into his head (especially at 4, lets face it they're not stupid) that if he throws a big enough stink mum will give up.

[Mak]

We had a similiar approach with DD1 - I knew she was just trying to control the situation as I had expressed a keeness for her to try and was holding out on me. Literally took one accident and she was done.
Trust yourself - you know him best. xxxxx
ETA - I am constantly astounded by how challenging and logical my 4.5yo DD is, it is absolutely exhausting so be kind to yourself too.

[beckoes]

i think by 4 he is ready but has some other issue that has convinced him that he doesnt want to/cant do it. like mak said...maybe hes just trying to control the situation...or you or maybe its something else, my friends DD was terrified of the toilet and it took my friend ages to work out that she wasnt just being stubborn but was actually too scared to go anywhere near the loo. lots of praise, even when he has accidents (atleast your trying etc). and a stong will and hopfully he will get the idea pretty soon that mummys not messing around good luck!!!

[trishalishous]

I think by 4 I'd be trying the same approach. Just keep it positive ' you're a big boy now, no more nappies for you' plenty of praise and rewards (bribes) if needed.

Good luck

I agree.
has he said WHY he doesn't want to use the toilet?
my neice fell in (daddy left the seat up) and was too scared to use the loo, she was finally retrained just after her 4th bday.

[lissy]

I have no idea about any of this so sorry if I'm way off point here, but found it really interesting reading.

Just wondering.....if making it a big deal means he fights it more and more......maybe don't make it a big deal?

Someone else on here said don't give him options and that seems right to me. What about having a grown up chat with him and laying it out once and for all and then leaving it alone completely? Letting him come to you? You know like 'Ok buddy, mummy & daddy have decided that you are doing so well that we'll let you use the toilet from now on.' Same thing with the nappies, show him the remaining stash and explain that 'this is all we have left, once this runs out there aren't anymore nappies for you'. 'Now mummy and daddy will let you use the toilet yourself if you want to, or you can ask mummy or daddy for help anytime'.

Again I said I've no experience in this at all, so sorry if this is completely wrong, but I just think kids are funny ya know.....the more you try to tell them somethings good for them....the more they fight like all hell to avoid it.

Maybe making it sound like it's a privelage and something special you're trusting him with might click with him??

Anyway best of luck! I have no idea what you're going through but it sounds terribly hard and stressful so I hope he comes round really soon for you

[Liviam]

Doesn't sound harsh to me, i'm sure if you stick to your guns he will be using the toilet in no time

:yeahthat:

Best of luck. You never know he might be better than you think.

[sarah85]

I had a friend who told me once that when her son didn't want to use the toilet she put a ping pong ball in the toilet and used to make it a game for him to try to pee on the ball...it's not a long term solution, but it may at least get him to start weeing in the toilet?
She said the ball doesn't flush away either, it just stays in the toilet...so you could either have a scoop to get it out when he's done (and keep it in a container next to the toilet) or just leave it in there - lol.

Good luck hun!

[Olive]

can DH take him out in the backyard and 'hose' the fence with him?

[beckoes]

i was just about to say, maybe he could go with DH, both at the same time. I like the idea of giving him something else to do instead of just peeing, ping pong/teddy etc. maybe he is just really bladder shy, if you said he could go to the loo on his own and just leave him too it, would he be able to manage that? It sounds like hes pretty determind, but he wont be able to hold on all day, so at some point tomorrow he will have to do it somewhere, i think whoever said, just get him to help clean it up and make an off hand remark about it being easier in the toilet was on the right track!
GOOD LUCK!!!

[~Hestia~]

I haven't read the responses, nor am I experienced in TT yet, but I just want to wish you luck! Hope it all goes smoothly for you both.

[Trillian]

So he definitely needs to go? Just say to him, 'lets go and sit on the toilet so your belly doesn't hurt anymore' and see if that will get him to go. You don't think he's really bashful about it do you? That was part of the problem with DS1 - he couldn't stand the idea that someone knew he was doing a wee or poo and prefered to be alone in the toilet once I'd put him on there.

[kirsty_lee]

Babe, dont feel bad. Honestly there is only so long that kid is gonna be able to hold it in before he wets himself. If he goes on the floor then just get him to help clean it up. Don't get angry or make a big deal. Maybe something like 'oh no woops lets clean it up' and give him a piece of paper towel etc and get him to help. He is testing you right now babe. Big time.

[Heaven]

I don't know much about TT yet but sounds like you're having a hard time. FWIW I think you're doing the right thing though. Stay strong! You can do this!