The fallout

Oh Michelle how slow am I! I have only just realized you are in Sydney.... I am in Northern Sydney too and just a PM away if you need anything
(now can anyone vouch for me not being an axe murderer? :think:)

Huge hugs honey. If I was closer I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Thinking of you.

DS1 just went upstairs after sobbing - he wants Daddy's *big elbow* :( DD woke after being asleep for 30 minutes because she is teething, has nappy rash and some viral thing making her a baritone :lol: and DS2 is unsettled with wind pain post feed. I am so tired. I just wish it was different but it isn't. It won't be. This is it and I just don't know how I am going to do this long term.

Just a vent. I have the cavalry coming back over the weekend and the IL's have been here the past 2 days. Just this time of night when I am alone and facing the reality of my life.

Oh Michelle I wish more than anything that I pop over and help you out. Your strength is absolutely amazing and I couldn't even begin to imagine how hard your life is at the moment. Sending you :hug:, support and prayers,

Michelle :hug:

Big :hug: Michelle, I wish I had something more comforting to say...

We are all thinking of u xxx

Hey you... cuddles cuddles cuddles xxx It's hard hard hard. You will do it long term - just a step at a time darling. :hug:

Big :hug:
I think you are amazing.

Oh babe I've just got hugs. You are doing a phenominal job raising your gorgeous babies.

Thinking of you Michelle :hug:

Big hugs Michelle :hug:

You are doing a great job, and I'm glad you have the cavalry coming over the weekend.

Thinking of you now and always x

Oh hun, you are so strong! Sending you big hugs and coping vibes xxx

:hug: Urgh Michelle, vent away. Hope the ILs are helpful over the weekend too. How's DS2's feeding going? Sorry to hear about the wind pain. :(

Hope DD is better soon. I have that sexy husky voice too atm, dammit. Came from nowhere!

Oh my love, you are doing SO well :hug: It must be so incredibly difficult to see the kids upset and missing Daddy. Hang in there babe xoxoxoxoxo

Michelle my heart breaks for you.

You are right it's not OK and it's not fair what life sometimes deals us. It can seem too hard and for some it might actually be too hard, but you are not that woman. You will get through this one step at a time. One foot in front of the other. It won't be easy, in fact it will probably get harder before it gets easier but there is light and love in your life in the form of the 3 beautiful children you created with the love of your life. I feel certain he is with you and holding your hand when your tears fall, he sits beside you and waits for you to catch your breath, he blows gentle kisses across your babies faces each and every night as they fall asleep and in time he will chase away the pain and replace it with wonderful memories to make you smile of the life and love you all shared.

Hold on xxxx

And today we have reached the one year anniversary. He has been gone a whole year. We survived. We are relatively intact and we tackle each day as it comes. But it hurts soooooooo much. I wonder if, or when, it ever gets any easier .........

Hugs Michelle, I can't answer if it will get easier for you, I will hope that it does though. Xoxo

Michelle I've been thinking about you, your gorgeous kids and your DH today. I have no idea when or if it will get easier so I'm sending you heaps of :hug:.

I can't believe it has been a year. Michelle, I hope you are doing ok. As much as can be expected anyway :hug:

:hug: you have been on my mind all day.

Michelle you have shown such strenghth of character as you've led your family through this ongoing grieving process... May the memories of him be ever so sweet tonight xo

:hug: :hug:

Thinking of you and your Kids at this tough time.

Michelle my dad died in 1983 when I was 9 and my mum was 36. It got easier in fits and starts over the years, but I can tell you how it is now.

Now it is easier than it ever was. Some days go by when I don't think of him. That is not a bad thing - some days I don't think of my mum and she lives 15 minutes away! But what I mean is there is no constant pain that gnaws at me. We have photos of him in our house and he is part of my background. I know my mother says not a day goes by when she doesn't think of him, but we can actually speak about him without us both dissolving into tears. My mum jokes about how she got him "just how she wanted him" before he died - now she threatens my stepdad not to ruin all her good work. She insists that she will go first this time.

My eldest son Flynn is the spitting image of him. They are so alike in personality too. I can look at my son without grieving for my dad, which I am grateful for.

My middle child, Ollie, has heard me talking about "Poppy Ivan" and how he died, how he was buried, how I felt when he died. The other week he said "Mummy, a long time ago Poppy Ivan died so Grandma put him in a die-box [ie: a coffin] for a present" [because to a three-year-old everything in a box MUST be a present].

My daughter Rose was born on the 27th anniversary of my dad's death, in the same house where he died. Just metres away from the very spot, actually.

All my kids have mine, and my dad's, surname.

Michelle, please know that it will get easier with time, your children will love him, and your grandchildren will love him. :hug:

Hugs hun been thinking of you often. xoxo

I have thought of you often too hon :hug:

My BIL committed suicide and left behind my dear SIL and our gorgoues niece who was just 2.5 years at the time. He was an amazing guy, an incredible husband and the most doting father I knew. He left because he honestly thought it was the best thing to do. His decision broke so many hearts, especially SIL's.

It's been an incredibly tough road for SIL but here we are, 9ish years on and SIL is really, REALLY happy again. We never thought we'd see the day TBH. She's in a fabulous relationship now with a goregous and loving man who lost his wife to breast cancer about 5 years ago. They have a crazy blended family together but it's working well and both of them are happy again. They will always miss their 'other halves' but they are moving forward - together.

It will get easier but it will just take time :hug:

Wow Michelle, a year. How are you doing? Big hugs.

:hug: Well done to you all on getting through this very tough year. I am thinking of you and still sending you love and strength.

I think of you often Michelle, and wonder how you are going.:hug: :hug: xox

A year has gone by... :hug: Wow. I think of you and Greg and the kids often. It must be time to catch up again!

Greg left an enormous space. You've had so much to manage in the last year. I didn't know him, but I bet he'd be proud of you.

:hug: sorry I didn't see this message till now..

I often think of you guys an wonder how you are all doing

:hug: thinking of you. Xoxoxox


Love MN ;-)