The fallout

Oh darling Michelle I wish I could take away all your pain and bring back the love of your life. I'd do it in a heartbeat beautiful friend but we all know that isn't possible :(
I do know that you are doing an amazing job with your earthside babies and Omar growing in your belly. Good on you for *phoning a friend* in your time of need. You have so many wonderful friends on here and IRL who you can count on when you need anything :hug:

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as you celebrate O's 3rd Birthday and will be sending you all my love as you face your 8th Wedding Anniversary without your darling husband to spoil you as you most certainly deserve :( I can only imagine how tough tomorrow is going to be but I truly do hope you take some time out for yourself to reflect on the very happy and loving times you and Greg shared together. More :hug: and :comfort: for you beautiful lady.

Michelle, i'm thinking of you :comfort: :comfort: BIG BIG HUGS xoxox

Michelle, I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

***** WARNING - this is a vent. This is not directed at anyone. No offence is meant. *****

I just need to get it out somewhere before I lose the plot with the wrong person / people

Kids have been mildly unwell this week so sleep disrupted more than usual. With DS's birthday and our Wedding Anniversary this week it has been an emotionally tense time and as a result I have (finally) succumbed to a virus / flu. Sore throat, runny nose and cough which is standard for me during pregnancy but this is a far from standard time :rolleyes: No Greg to help / take off the pressure / let me sleep in / share the load. Me 24/7. Woke this morning with vomiting to top it off and at 34w pregnant I am having a growth spurt too :( Most people are working / have plans / are pregnant or germ phobic and on a long weekend trying to get some support is tough. My parents are too far away but didn't seem to take any hints about how crud I am feeling. My MIL offered to come down but my FIL has been sick for 3w with the same and with a chronic health condition I really want him to avoid us and stay well. BIL's are either pregnant (due in 3w) or dealing (or not dealing) with their own slightly unwell child. My best friend is working and there are only so many people I can trust / feel completely comfortable with to look after the children for me to sleep soundly and know that everyone will be ok who didn't also have plans.

Thank goodness my old nanny (also a friend) and her husband came to the rescue. I slept for 4 hours to give me some *catch up* on sleep and at least the vomiting has stopped. I know I am surrounded by people who want to help but there are limits on who can look after the babies so I can actually sleep :( It is so hard. I feel so alone and lonely and unsupported (despite the support) and I can't just ring the parents and get them to drop in for a while. There is guilt attached to asking friends for help despite me needing to ask for help and them wanting to help me.

I just feel so sick and I just want Greg to make it all better. Feeling sick and tired and very pregnant and being alone sucks. On the up side, the babies went to sleep at 6.30pm tonight so I am shortly off to bed to join them and hope to goodness they stay asleep or sleep reasonably well because I know I am in for a few days of this getting worse before I get better.

I didn't sign up for this. This isn't my choosing. I am frustrated with people who have it *easy* because there is more than one adult in the house. I am going through the insensitive stage where I am like *oh please* :rolleyes: when my SIL said she got home to two grumpy males because the 18mo is slightly sick. Give me a break - at least there are two of you!!!! Not to mention the recent illness you had where the boys went away for a few days (to the support of the IL's) so you could recover. You poor loves :wall: You are having it so tough with a relatively placid baby and two adults to share the load and deal with it together. No doubt, each of you has had *you* time this week too. And maybe a shower without too much effort.

I just hate feeling this way and although it is a normal stage, I feel mean for begrudging others the life I had. I don't wish them my journey by my empathy is soooooo low ATM. I just want to feel better and to get on with surviving the journey in front of us. Feeling so unwell and dealing with it all alone has just made me grumpy and even more miserable if that is possible.

6 weeks until the baby arrives, 10 weeks without their father :( Man, things have to start moving up soon. I need to be mentally in the right head space to get this little man here safely earthside.

Hugs babe. I have no words, I still get sh##ty when people whinge about their mums - I tend to snap- "at least you have a mum" at them. I think having no DH is 1000 times harder.
I have been a single mum but I had the luxury of being able to hate my husband for leaving.

Please please please PM me if I can help, I am in northern Sydney and Sea change and Butterfly Warrior can vouch that I am not a psycho axe murderer!!

:hug:

Thanks MrsMac :hug: There are so many people who want to help and and I am so greatly appreciative for that help, love and support. It is just hard to let go the care of my babies to others and feel *safe* enough that they will be ok if I leave / sleep for a while. And that is without any of them being psycho axe murderers ;) It is knowing who the little ones will stay with, who knows my house, who can keep them happy and me secure so I can relax enough to become unconscious for a little while. But the offer is still one you may get taken up on when I am in need of adult company :hug:

I definitely don't blame you for having those thoughts, I know I would be too. Even when I write things on my facebook, if you reply to my status, I nearly always kick myself up the butt so you don't need to be doing it ;) ;)

I wish I could get Greg back for you. I really really do. :crying:

Michelle: it's all bloody crapity crap crap. No need to sugarcoat it, it sucks that you're in this situation. I know my sympathy means diddly squat at a time like this but just remember that you're awesome in my eyes.

Spring xx

ps I can vouch that Mrs Mac isn't a psycho ;)

Well you know I am here but I totally *get* what you are saying. As much as I want to help, having three little ones (and two sick atm) restricts the help I can actually offer. It totally sucks :( And we all have our 'people', those that we are 100% comfortable with and our children are comfortable with, that we can unthinkingly ask for help. It just sucks that you are in a position where you need to ask. I'm glad your friend could come and you got some rest :hug:

I hope the illness buggers off and you get some sleep. Those two things will help somewhat yeah? So that's what I'm praying for you tonight :comfort:

And you know, I've been one of those people whinging this week because I've had a sick baby and have had very little sleep. But I always, in those moments, think of you my courageous friend and take the time to be thankful for my blessings.

I just wanted to give you a huge hug and let you know we are all here and thinking of you sweety. Vent away whenever you need to.

Im so sorry to hear the people you need most either cant or wont help you right now. What is wrong with them? If you were my friend Id drop everything to help you because you do need to rest. Is there any way you could convince you parents to come help?

I hope your sickness eases soon. ((Hugs))

Thanks Spring for the reference!!!

Hun if you need a meal cooked or some adult company let me know, your kids don't know me so Its huge to expect them to want to be with me but if we can come over and keep them happy while you are there we are more than willing. DD2 has a GREAT reputation on BB for her way with little ones.

:hug: just thinking of you :hug:

Michelle... :hug:

Mrsmac is certainly no psycho axe murderer. :)

Now that I have finished work for good (I'm not sure if you knew that) I have been longing to just come and hang out and help... Only we've had at least one of us sick the whole time. You are in my thoughts and the drive isn't that far... so when me and Sam are well again, I'm there.

I so desperately wish I could change this for you. :hug:

BW

Thanks guys :grouphug:

DG - my parents would come if I asked, as would so many of my beautiful friends. With my parents - I feel like they should be able to see how bad I am (skype doesn't allow you to hide anything!!) and offer to come but they work and are 6 hours away so it isn't that simple. With my friends - the help you get is not always what you need IYKWIM. I needed to sleep and there are only a few that can offer than for the moment. We are introducing more people into the little ones life but they need to feel comfortable and so do I for that to happen.

Mel - I am hesitant to answer FB posts because I don't want people to feel bad about whinging about their stuff. Because it is tough and we all need to whinge. Your whinge is no less important than mine :hug: Same for you Willow :hug: I know it is a tough path with the whole family intact but you are still allowed to complain when it is all a little (or a lot) crappy.

:hug: Michelle. I hope you are able to get some good sleep tonight. I'm sorry this week has been particularly rotten :hug: and I hope your wellness improves.

Oh Michelle, I've only just seen this thread, and haven't read all of it yet. I wish a million times over every day that I was closer to you. I know the realities of having littlies means that I wouldn't necessarily be able to offer you all the help you need, but I would try to do SOMETHING. Even just drop a meal or two at your door. I know it's not the same though, parenting two kids on your own is very very tough. Knowing that there is no break in sight much be incredibly hard for you, especially being pg. Oh how I wish I could change things for you my love. :hug:

ETA And yeah, Mrsmac is lovely, certainly take her up on any offers of help :)

Oh Michelle, I wish we knew each other better. I don't think I'm far away from you and would be happy to help!! Life sucks so so so much sometimes.