Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ April/May

Morning girls,

I'm so busy atm I barely have time to SIT at the 'puter.... am still struggling a bit, but have my appointment with the health nurse/pnd lady on Wednesday, so see what eventuates there. DH has started long service leave today, so am hoping that things will improve on many fronts....

Of course, this all pales when I think of you Michelle. As you reality keeps hitting, it's so crappy........ will give you a call Thursday hopefully when you are home. I hope you got a bit of time out while away............

Got to take DD to swimming now, hi to everyone!!

Lee xo

Hi all. Once again, sorry for not posting in so long. My MIL has left now so I have some time to get online again. Sounds like we all need a big big :hug: right now, and I think we all deserve a trip to Tahiti!!

Jayne - It was so lovely to meet you and Claudia - she is such a cutey! Sorry again that Catherine was being a bit of a PITA. Now that we are back home she has been getting some tough love and is getting back to normal... at least until the next time we visit Nanny and she gets spoilt rotten again!! I have just been looking at your holiday pics - wow! The girls must have loved getting the photos with Cinderella etc, that's every little girl's dream!

Michelle - thinking of you constantly hun. I know that doesn't help much, but I am feeling very helpless from here. I can't believe the run you are having re the scan results. Will be thinking of you on Thurs and praying for good results.

Bek - good luck with the new sleep tactics. I hope they work, but if not, it sounds like a lot of people have had success with sleep school. I just hope you start to get some more sleep soon as I remember how difficult I found DD for the first year or so of her life when she never slept - it really does drive you crazy, and I can only imagine how much harder it must be with two other girls to look after as well.

kelly - glad to hear all is well :)

mako - how are things going with your DH re trying again? When is your OB appointment? It is soon now I think. Hopefully you will get some answers or at least a plan. Keep talking to DH - this is a decision that needs to be made by both of you and he needs to understand how important it is to you. I hope you can get through to him :hug:

Lee - :hug: for you too hun. Sounds like you have had a rotten time lately. I hope your appointment goes well.

Deb - your XDH never ceases to amaze me. It must be so hard for you right now. And your poor DS - he definitely doesn't sound like his normal self. I hope the psychologist is helping.

Janie - I hope Nicholas had a wonderful third birthday :)

We are going well - just the usual really. DD is finally in a big girl bed which I am stoked about, so DS is now in the cot and I have been busy decorating their rooms which I love! DD sleeps through the night sometimes these days and DS is usually up twice a night, but is difficult to get back down after his second night feed. He is growing soooo fast I can hardly believe it. He has his 4 month check next week and I can't wait to find out how heavy he is now.

Does anyone have any tips on which cars can fit three car seats? We are thinking of getting a new car but have no idea where to start. I drive a Forester right now and the back seat is almost entirely taken up with two car seats so we figure we may as well get one that will accommodate three car seats as we would like to have another bubba at some stage (not for a while yet though!).

BUN _ Darl, there is no stress, Catherine wasn't a PITA!!! LOL. Don't worry bout a thing. Curly was very angelic that day, but trust me, she can be a horror when she puts her mind to it. I was relieved she was on her best behaviour though. I was so glad to have met you as well! I sure am racking up the 'meeting BB girls IRL' thing! Glad you're home & settled & that Catherine has gone into the big girls bed! What a big achievement. How are all the new clothes from Myer as well?? :lol:

LEE _ I'm glad that you are seeing somebody on Wednesday & also glad that DH is on leave to help take the load off. Can you talk to him openly about the things you are having problems with? Does he understand that you need some extra help or do you have to continually ask him for it? Sometimes it's just so much easier when they just use their initiative isn't it? Does that make sense? I really hope things improve for you darl. :hugs:

LISA _ Can't wait to hear all the Natalya updates!!!

AFM _ Well I went back to work today. Blah blah blah. It actually wasn't too bad I must admit, will be even better when the pay rocks in next week though! I have just itchy feet though! I'm dying to get back out in the big wide world & explore it some more! I think I caught a bug when I was away - the travel variety!!! PMSL.

Well I have to leave it there, I have a rat bag getting out of bed tonight. What is with that? :rolleyes:

Sorry for being MIA girls. Between DH being away for a month, sickness, a broken computer and Mr B feeding 2hourly I've been slack.

Michelle: waterfalls of cuddles for you gorgeous. This is your safe place so please don't feel that you need to sugarcoat anything for us.

Jayne: looks like you guys had a sensational time. So where next?

Bek: hope the sleep improves at your place. It's bloody hard work.

Deb: totally understand the need to focus on your kids. Here for you.

Mako: I hope DS is feeling better. I saw on FB that he was sick.

Bun: we are looking at 3 seat cars also. DH flat out refuses to drive a van so it looks like a 4wd is our only option.

Willow: how is your Nan doing? I hope sleep improves at your place soon.

Freya: the sewing looked great Hun. Has sickness finally left your boys alone for a while?

Janie: is D back to 100% after his op? Hope the feeding issues are settling.

Lee: the photos of Your boy's christening are just sooooo gorgeous. I hope your appointment goes well hun.

Hi to everyone else

Well we are going well. Just tired but in the scheme of things it's no biggy. B is just feeding feeding feeding. He was weighed today and is 7.84kgs at 4 months :o just trying to get him to go longer than 2 hours at night. This too shall pass. We went out of dinner the other night and Mum and Dad babysat and B took a zippy cup of EBM no worries. It was so nice to have some time off.

Love Spring

We have a Ford Territory and 3 seats fit just fine with plenty of room in the boot - or an extra 2 seats if you need them.

I'm around. Just worried about Thursday and increasingly sad. I miss Greg so much that I continue to ache. And then there is my pelvis :wall: It is sooooooo sore that I am resigned to no more distance travel until after the birth. It just hurts too much to sit / drive for that long. Greg would have picked up an extra load at this stage and without him I lack the downtime to rest and let it recover.

Anyway, just letting you know I am here just not much to offer.

Michelle - oh hon, I can't believe how much you are having to handle and cope with at the moment, the load is so heavy - the loss of a husband and the grief that entails is quite honestly the hardest burden you could bear, I'm so sorry you are travelling this path. You are in my thoughts so many times throughout the day, I wish I lived closer so I could help you out more. You have just so MANY reminders that Greg is gone, including a sore pelvis, just so many things that scream out to you "he's gone" and with him goes all the love and support you so need right now. Lean on everyone hon, you are surrounded with love, I can feel it.....

Not sure if this will make you feel better - but my best friend lives in Rhodes (not far from you).... she had a reading with a very very very special and gifted psyhcic lady on Saturday (her name is Marcia and I have seen this lady many times, she's been like another mother to me over the years since Chris died). and my DH Chris "took over" her reading..... the things she said were SO helpful to me at the moment, messages from Chris, things I needed to hear - it's not the same as the real thing I know, but it helps me so much to know he is still around and can still 'get to me', even if he has to monopolise my dear friend's reading (she didn't mind though). I have not been 'available' much to him the last few years, with loosing Luc and 2 more babes since then - I have neglected to meditate and tune out, which is the state you need to be in to talk to them..... having said that I'm starting a yoga/meditation class this Thursday, in the hope of 1) much needed relaxation for moi; and 2) to make myself available for some words with Chris....

In time, when you feel ready, I will give you Marcia's details (she is so lovely) and you might get to hear from your Greg in a different way. Huge hugs hon xoxo

Hugs all round actually......

Lee xoxo

Michelle I wish I could take some of that load off your shoulders for a bit hun. I'm thinking of you and feel so damn helpless. I'll be "holding your hand" tomorrow for your scan. Do you have someone to go along with you? I hope you are having a safe drive home today too :hug:

Lee I hope your appointment goes well today.

Sorry for the lack of personals this time. I'm stressing out in a huge way and am not thinking straight.
My mum came and took Sage for me for today,tonight and tomorrow while I'm working and MIL(who usually has him) is having surgery today. So I thought I'd do the right thing and let Sage sleep over at my mum's house to save her driving here 2 days in a row especially with an early start tomorrow morning.
Anyway that was all good until she arrived here today and the 1st thing she said to Sage is "Nanna is going to take you for a ride on the train today" :o That was the 1st I'd heard of him going on a train with her. I didn't say anything and now I'm kicking myself but I didn't want to create any issues before they left. I know its just a train ride but its a 40 minute trip each way and I'm soooooo worried about him. I mean she is my mum and I do trust her to some extent but a 62 year old lady taking a 2.5 yea rold on a train without 1st asking me as his mother or DH if it was ok 1st :wall: I know this all sounds very irrational but I stress and worry so much more about him and the thought of someone not being as cautious and careful with my little boy is freaking me out.
The last time he had a sleepover with her,her and my step father took him to MacDonalds and she left him in the play area with step father while she went back in to order food etc and when she came back DS was nowhere to be found in the play area. He was walking around the restaurant holding some strangers hand who was asking random people if he belonged to them :shakehead: When I told DH about that incident he flipped. I just feel bad that I couldn't take the 2 days off work to care for him myself :doh: I know I sound like a total nut case but he's my little boy and if something were to happen I just don't know what I'd do.
Sorry for the rant and its probably unreasonable for me to be feeling the way I am but I just can't help it :redface:

Mako - I certainly know how you feel. My IL's took my girls down the coast swimming in the ocean without asking me. Firstly that is an hours drive away and I fret if my kids go in the car with someone else, and secondly they had 4 kids in the water with them including my 2 yo. I had a panic attack but they survived albeit sunburnt. Hugs babe it is a hard position to be in

Thinking of you today Michelle

Bek Thanks for understanding me yesterday. I gave myself the worst headache worrying about him :( He was fine but I'm going to have to say something to Mum I think. I just feel like she thinks she can do whatever she wants to on the very few occasions she does have him. I know she's his grand mother but I am his mother so feel like I should be asked if she can do certain things with him. That might sound awful but that is how I feel atm and I know I'm very very protective of him but I can't help that.That stems from a hell of a lot of things including m/c's but that's not the only reason :redface:
I'm about to go pick him up and can't wait :)

Michelle Sweety I'm thinking of you today hun and really do hope Omar is doing everything he should be for you :hug: Please come in and let us know how your scan goes :comfort:

Hi girls. Scan was all good and the littlest man is measuring to dates so far. Relieved but desperately wanting a Greggles cuddle to make everything alright again :( Not happening I know but I can dream. Next scan is in 4 weeks to monitor progress.

Just wishing this wasn't my world, my life. I am lonely despite being surrounded and unbelievably sad. I feel empty and hollow and just a shell that functions to survive. My babies are my world but it is so hard to keep going every day when this blackness would be so much easier to give in to.

Don't panic. I'm not at risk. Just miserable and missing him so much that it hurts. My little man told Nanny and Poppy that he didn't have a Daddy anymore, his Daddy died :( it breaks my heart every time.

Oh Michelle... my heart is broken for you and your kids too. No-one should have to go through what you're going through and I wish I could take it all away and bring Greg back for you. I am soooo pleased that the scan went well.

Mako - I'm glad you've got your little man back and hope that you were able to enjoy the night without him just a little bit!!

Jayne - Will give you a call soon to organise a catch up for next week!!

Sorry everyone, no time for more personals. I'm trying to keep reading but don't have much time to post. All going well with us. I'm getting nervous about my 12 week scan that's booked for next Wednesday over here in Perth. I know I shouldn't be, as my ob pretty much said that we're in the clear now but I can't help it. My tummy is growing nicely and it is reasurring but still. I just can't wait to hear all is ok again.

Kel xxx

Michelle - I am so glad all is well with Omar. On the other hand I am sad that you are feeling so very empty and alone. My heart breaks for your little man too.

Mako - I would be telling your mum what you expect. We've had to talk to all our parents at one stage or another about things they've done with/to the kids. If the lines of communication are open then you all know where you stand. Be prepared for your mum to feel a little put out for a bit though. :hug:

Kel - Good to hear all is ok

We've made some progress with Eva's sleep. She isn't really sleeping much longer but she isn't freaking out whenever we put her in the cot. I've worked out that I need to sing and dance around the room rigorously to get her settled before we put her down, then when she is settled we pat, pat, pat and pat some more. Then I wait till she tries to move and pat some more lol. Progress is progress. Miss Loren is also pretty much toilet trained too. Although I am not confident to try a public outing yet. Love to all

MICHELLE _ SO so so glad to hear that Omar is growing!!! You must be relieved. :dance:

I have gossip............


Guess who's coming to Melbourne in September????



Please don't mention this on facebook yet. My parents are still getting over the fact that we went overseas. They are going to have a meltdown when they know we are doing TWO holidays in ONE year. We got a good deal for Mary Poppins the Musical, so we decided why not? So only you girlies know & of course my bestie. I know it's not a 'secret', but my family & Alan's are strange at the best of times. I'll tell them when it gets closer to the date.

Love Jayne

Wow Jayne when are you going to Melbourne?

I may be coming to Sydney in August :dance:

BEK _ I just booked the flights. We fly out on 28 September (my birthday/wedding anniversary!) & fly back home on 5 October. Ooooh Sydney in August, how exciting!!!

I hope, hope, hope, hope I get to meet all the Melbourne girlies!!!

Michelle: firstly, that is wonderful news about Omar. You are doing such a great job baking your baby boy. Secondly, TBH I'd be worried about you if you sounded like you were ok IYKWIM. You are in such an intense raw phase of grief and it is so entirely healthy to let yourself feel that. I'm so very sorry you babies lost their daddy. It's bloody unfair and cruel. But just as them asking for their Daddy is one of the saddest things, a cuddle or a smile from them is also one of the things filled with so much joy. It is those moments which will fuel you to power on through this pain. I love you girl, you know that. Belly rubs for Omar, cuddles for O an L and big squishy hugs for you.

Mako: I think whatever you feel is valid and your Mum needs to respect it and the boundaries you've set. No child mine is ever to be taken anywhere without my knowledge or permission. Period. I think you are well within your rights to raise it with your Mum.

Kelly: whoo hoo, almost 12 weeks. Good luck with your scan on Wed. Holding your hand from afar.

Jayne: how exciting. Ignore what the family think, you enjoy yourself babe.

Bek: whoo hoo on E's sleep improving. That is wonderful news.

Spring x

Evening ladies. I did a post last night but it's not here?? Very strange, not sure what happened.

Michelle :comfort: - You are in my thoughts daily. Let us know when you're up for a visit - I would love to give you a real hug but also am very mindful of not intruding on your space. I am very pleased to hear your scan went well. One foot in front of the other :hug:

Mako - I posted to you last night too but looks like Sage survived his sleep over with Nanny! I agree with Bek. When it comes to concerns about their safety or just things that are important to you, you have to speak up, no matter how hard it is. I'm glad you had a nice night at home though, that must have been lovely.

Jayne - Melbourne huh? Very exciting!! I'd love to meet all the Melbourne girls one day. What's the deal with your parents, they don't like holidays?!

Bek - If you're coming to Sydney make sure you let us know dates and we'll organise to meet up! How long will you be here?

Deb - I'm guessing your absence means things are still really rough for you atm. Sending you my love. You've had a really tough few years and it just doesn't seem fair that this stuff keeps getting dumped on you. You are in my thoughts :hug:

Lee - I hope you're enjoying your 'nanny' and making the most of it!! Lap it up lovely lady!! Was it today that you had your appointment??

Bun - We have a Commodore and while three seats fit just fine (and we have big seats too, 2x maxi rider and 1x reversible SNS, so definitely not the smallest around) it is very squashy and I am reaaaaaallly hoping to upgrade to a bigger car later in the year. At the moment my pick would be a 2005/2006 Mazda MPV (they stopped making them so this is the latest model available). I would like a 7 seater because from time to time not having any spare seats for passengers is an issue.

Not much happening here. Have given up on the sleep thing and decided that it's easier just to feed the boy and everyone be back in bed asleep 10 mins later than it is to push to resettle him in the hope it will mean he sleeps through. I am more rested this way than being up for an hour at at time trying to resettle. that's the path I've chosen for now. I can't complain too much because I'm generally only up to him once or twice a night. It's hard though, even L who was a shocking sleeper in comparison started sleeping through at 10 months (but as you know that was only after we went to sleep school). I'll survive. He is my last baby and I've hopefully only got a few more months of sleep deprivation ahead of me...EVER! LOL. It's crazy though, even though he is waking at night, I cannot in all honesty say he is a 'bad' sleeper. He self settles beautifully, I've NEVER had an issue settling him off to sleep. Ah well, can't have it all!

I will try and get on tomorrow at some stage. Our weekend is very busy - we have a wedding on Saturday and Mother's Day and my bday on Sunday.

:grouphug: Love you all xxx