Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February/March 2010

Mako, words escape me. I have nothing to say that is going to take the pain away, I'm aching for you honey. I'm sending you lots of hugs, tissues & cups of tea.

WILLOW _ I'm with you, I'm FUMING!

LISA _ Congratulations on the birth of the beautiful little darling - Natalya. I can't wait to gush about her with you & hear every little detail. Doesn't matter how she arrived - she did it in her own style! :dance:

I'm just over it tonight girls, I'm sorry, but I'm really peeved for Mako, I'm shaking actually, it's just not freaking fair! No two ways about it!

oh Mako, I am so sorry. This just isn't fair. I wish I knew what else to say. :hug:

Mako sweetie: there are no words that can express how sorry I am, just hugs :comfort:

Deb: :hug:

Sorry girls I've still been on the quiet side, but I couldn't not post for you dear Mako, godamm it............ I really really bl--dy hate the universe at times, and this is one of those times. I'm so incredibly sorry you are in so much pain, coupled by your mother's complete lack of mothering. I'm so sorry your little bub couldn't stay, gone to join his/her siblings in another place. Keep your little man S close to you, it's going to be a really tough time, I'm just so shattered for you too. You know we are here in any way we can be. Major massive hugs xoxoxoxo

Lee xoxoxoxo

Mako - :comfort: you know how I feel and how much I wish I could make this all better :(

Mako - Sending you all my love, xoxoxox

Mako - Words can't describe how sad I feel for you. MY GOODNESS why does such a beautiful person have to endure this heartache. I wish I could give a real hug :hug:

Thanks to you all for your words. You are all truly wonderful and I'd be lost without each and every single one of you right now.
I've taken the day off work and once again I got no response from my boss when I messaged her that I wouldn't be in today. I will call her and speak to her after I see my GP this morning. I have an appointment with him just before 11 so hopefully will have some idea of where we are heading after that. I'm not doing too bad atm. Still very very angry more than anything but I'm sure that will pass with time. At this point in time I'm not really sure if I can go through this again or even put DH through this again. He told me 3 pregnancies ago that 3 would be our limit and at the time I was mad with him for putting a number on me but you know what? I'm kinda feeling the same way today. I just don't know if I have it in me to go again. Maybe I'm just speaking out of pain and anger and sadness but maybe I should be just happy with the dear little boy who we have already. I just don't know :crying:
As for my mother..she sent me a text asking how "it all went" last night and I still haven't replied to her. I just don't know what to say to her or even if I want her to know just yet.That sounds awful doesn't it but I don't want her to pretend to be listening to me when I know she won't be and for her usual response to ANY news good or bad is "oh that's good then" :wall: She honestly said that to my brother once when my nephew was 3 and broke his arm :o
Anyway I'm just rambling on away so I really should just stop.

Kelly I'm so sorry hun. I had it all planned out in my head while I was driving home yesterday about how I was going break this news as gently as possible with you in my mind and then I just got on and "blurted" it out. I'm so so sorry hun. I didn't mean to do that :hug:

Lisa I'm so very happy for you hun and absolutely love the name you've chosen for your beautiful little girl.

Mako, give yourself time to grieve before making a firm decision. When you're feeling hurt and angry is not the best frame of mind to be making a decision in, especially if your DH is going to take what you say now to be definite and not allow a change of mind later.

I recall after one of my miscarriages - I decided as I was going through it just as I got the final result from my clinic that I was going to take a nice, big, long break... and then, just before I was due to ovulate, I changed my mind and we went for another transfer... Perhaps a break to complete investigations and formulate a plan of attack with Dr S could be just what you need.

Anyway, I'm really sorry that the people around you aren't being as supportive as they could be. :hug:

BW

Mako - I completely understand why you are feeling that way. But I also hope we get our happy ending. As Michelle always says - you know when/if the time is right again when the urge for another baby grows stronger than the fear :hug: I'm here for you. Especially if you need someone to give your mum a big ole forehead slap.

Everything is just....meh.....today :(

Oh Mako.. I can't stop thinking about you hun and agree with what everyone else has said... give yourself some time to deal with it all and think things through. I understand what you mean though, I was talking to DH about it all last night and we were also wondering how many times we can keep going through this, it's just way too hard. Please take it easy and know that we're all here for you WHENEVER you need us.

As for me... my god woman... please use all your energy to focus on yourself. I'm in tears again at your thoughtfullness (sp?) but honestly you've got nothing to be sorry about. How else are you supposed to break such heartbreaking news. Please don't worry about me, if anything, tbh, I feel like I'm in a really hard situation now and don't want to make your pain even worse. Although I still don't want to get my hopes up, if everything is ok, I'm going to feel terrible as I know it just has to hurt you a tiny bit. I'm even wondering if I should be posting much atm... as scared as I am, you need much more support right now and I just want to do what's right for you. Honestly, you're an amazing woman and I just wish I could make it all ok.

Hugs.

Kel xxx

Kelly PLEASE don't stop posting. You also need lots of support now and I want to be able to offer that as best as I can too. Yes things are hard for me right now too but I have the attitude right now that I've copped a sh*t hand of it atm and I am more angry about it more than anything but I'm praying like mad everything works out beautifully for you along with Jo,Laney,Bonham and Michelle and anyone else who is pregnant in here. While I am hurting I want you to know that I'm still very happy for everyone else in here growing nice strong bubbas.

Well I've been to see my GP and have spoken with my Ob and a D&C is booked in for tomorrow. I'm relieved and absolutely packing myself at the same time. I've never had a D&C under these circumstances before and am so so scared. I was given the choice of either tomorrow or Tuesday to give my body a chance of doing its own thing but I really don't think I want to go through another natural M/C ever again especially at the same gestation as the last one. It was just awful awful awful nor do I want DH or DS seeing me in so much physical pain again.

I've just tried calling my boss and she didn't answer her phone so she'll have to wait and I just sent my mother a text and she can't talk cos she's out with friends for the day so she can wait too. She didn't bother asking how I was or anything so I can see an interesting conversation happening later :rolleyes:

Anyway thanks again to you all. I'm going to go lay down and try and get rid of this damn headache I have yet again.

Mako - you're an absolutely amazing person and I have nothing but admiration for you and all you're going through. Thank you for your understanding and I hope that we can all help you through this difficult time. As for the D&C.. don't be scared. I've had three of them and they're nothing to be worried about. It's a quick proceedure and appart from a bit of bleeding when I first got up out of the bed after it was done, I really didn't have any bleeding, just a bit of spotting for a few days... and no pain at all... other than emotional pain of course. It's not pleasant but sounds much better than trying to do it the natural way.. in my opinion anyway.

As for you boss and your Mum... let them wait. How insensitive and certainly not what you need right now... use us instead, we all understand.

Take care hun and rest up. I still can't believe you're having to go through this again... just not fair at all. My heart is aching for you.

Kel xxx

Mako - just sending you my love and thoughts today, and tomorrow. It's wrong you are having to do this, I'm so very sorry. Now is not the time to be making choices, just be kind to yourself, and let your emotions flow whichever way they must. I completely understand how you feel re. your mother, mine is very similar. Don't let selfish insensitive people infiltrate okay, many love you, so you are still a rich lady, the others don't matter in the end. Take care, love Lee xoxoxo

mako, you have been in my thoughts all day. I had a D&E after I lost Parker, it is very similar to a D&C. The worst part was the wait in the hospital.

Thanks to you all again for your posts on here and your texts.

I'm a wreck this morning and it hasn't helped that DH has gone to work and not said anything to me about today except to get the hospital to only call him if I need to be picked up after 3pm and that he'll come get me then and drop me home with DS as he has to work again later this afternoon. Damn stupid people who want all their reno's done before Easter :wall: and other tradies are waiting on him to do some of his part so they can either start or finish.
Anyway that may change depending how I am after everything today.He has been wonderful and I know he's hurting really bad too :(

I ended up telling my mum last night and her response didn't surprise me at all. It was like she didn't even hear what I said as she never said anything about it or what was happening today just went on to tell me how many goals my nephew scored at soccer on Sunday so I HUNG UP on her :redface: I know thats not a mature thing to do but I wasn't prepared to waste my time listening to her talk about the "golden family" who treat her like crap. Anyway enough of my whinging cos thats what it seems like I'm doing lately and I'm sorry.

Janie how is your gorgeous little man doing at home hun? I hope things are going smoothly for you all :hug:

I'd better get going as I have heaps to do before I go to hospital.
Thanks again to you all for you support and Spring sorry about the little mix up last night I have 1 person in my phone with the same 1st name as you and then you but one of you have BB next to your names so I can tell who is who but because I met you both on here I got a little confused :redface:

Mako - Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Hope all goes well.. make sure you rest. Hugs.

Kel xxx

I am also thinking of you today Mako. I hope it goes as well as it can. I am still feeling so so awful for you hun, wish there was something I could do :hug: