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Oh Deb... don't be silly... you're going through a lot more than me right now and you need to focus on that. I hope today goes well for you, as awful as I'm assuming it will be (from the past experiences so far). Massive hugs... I will be thinking of you. We're not making any decision until next week, so no hurry and please don't worry about me... focus on you today!
Lee - I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling too great atm either. Hope you managed to get some good sleep last night. Thanks for the advice too... it's such a tricky situation and I'm definitely thinking about it all WAY too much!
Michelle - I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that all is going so well with George!!! I'm so excited and just LOVING the pics on FB.. what a cutie... hope you can make it to Melb again one of these days so we can have a little cuddle!!! Big, big, big hugs for all of you!!
Mako - Yeah, my OB is back on Monday and they've squashed me in late Monday avo... so nice of them. So we're going to wait and have a good chat to her about it too, before we decide anything.
Well... DH was up at 4am to get to the airport, he's away now for a couple of days, so I haven't had the best nights sleep once again. I struggle to get back to sleep once he's up... so hopefully tonight with him away, I might get a good sleep... although it never seems to work that way - LOL. I just wish I could pop on over to my Mum's and hang out for the day... I'm sooooo in need of a Mummy's cuddle. She's been away on a cruise but is back today, so at least I can finally talk to her today... not as good as a cuddle, but better than the emails!! I'm really missing *home* atm, which is to be expected I guess. I still just can't believe we're going through this and although I feel deep down that everything is going to be ok.... there's still that doubt and its just not fair!
Kel xxx
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Hi Ladies,
I'm here, just having lots of issues figuring out what I feel & what I'm 'supposed' to be feeling. Just feeling like an overall loser TBH.
Jayne
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Jayne, you are so NOT a loser :hug: I wish I had your number so I could text you, I want to reach through the screen and give you a big hug. Wish I could say something helpful. But know that we're here for you xoxo
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Darl, please pop in when you can, I've been thinking and worrying about you all night and morning. I hate that you have been made to feel this way, it's not fair :(
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Jayne you are so NOT a loser babe. You are a wonderful person who shouldn't have to be going through what you are and PLEASE know this is NOT your fault. I wish I lived closer to you so I could give you a :hug: IRL instead of the cyber kind.
How are the girls? Did you guys talk to them about this or are you waiting for a bit?
Michelle I hope you enjoyed your 1st night rooming in with your gorgeous little boy and I hope the weekend brings you more exciting moments ;)
Deb How did things go yesterday? I was thinking of you all day :hug:
Bek Happy Birthday to Eva. I can't believe how fast that has gone.
DH,Sage and I are going away today until Sunday night. I've just finished packing the car and we'll head off as soon as DH comes home from work.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
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Been thinking of you all night Michelle, wondering how you were going with the little wee man in your room. I'm sorry, but I LMAO reading FB about having to WAKE him for a feed. Who would ever have thought that you would have to wake one of your little people!!! I mean this in the nicest possible way - of course!
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Hi guys,
So sorry I haven't been around much lately, especially with all that has been happening. I have been up to my eyeballs in vomit and diarrhoea the last few days (sorry, TMI!). What a time for DH to be away. I am exhausted and feeling very isolated. Thankfully DH will be back in another week.
Kelly - hun I am so sorry to hear about the news at your scan. That must have been quite a shock and certainly not what you need after all that you have been through already. I really hope it will all turn out to be fine, it does sound like the odds are in your favour, but I know you must still be feeling awfully worried. Have you decided if you will get further testing done? I am so glad DH was there with you. Huge :hug: hun. FWIW, I know several people who have had similar worries after their 19 week scan and at a repeat scan there were no problems at all.
Jayne - I have just read your update in your other thread. I am so proud of how you are handling this situation. It must be so hard to give him another chance and I can totally understand how hard it must be for you if you can't get in touch with him if he is away. It will take a long time to get the trust back and he needs to understand that. Do you think you may try counselling? And I agree that a job in Aus is a great idea. I hate that he has done this to you. You are such a lovely person and you deserve so much better. We are heading back to Perth again for a visit in a couple of weeks and I would love to catch up again if you are free.
Deb - woo hoo hun, what a relief! You must be so glad to put all this behind you and I am so happy to hear that it is all over.
Mako - huge big :hug: hun. I know how hard it is being around preggers women when you want it so very badly for yourself. And then you hate yourself for feeling that way and that makes you feel even worse! It is totally normal to feel like that hun and I truly hope to hear about your sticky BFP very very soon.
Michelle - I am LOVING your pics of George - what a gorgeous little boy. I can't wait to hear that you are home again :)
BW - how are you feeling about starting IVF again? Did you have a good talk to DH about it?
Hi to everyone else, thinking of you all, just don't have the energy to post much more - think I should head to bed while both kids are actually asleep at the same time *touch wood*.
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Still in limbo, I'm afraid. Have told DH about my liver crapping out and not being allowed to take methotrexate any more and the medication switch. I haven't told him about the IVF time limit. For a few days I've been in complete denial because I've felt great on the prednisone again, but I'm in quite a lot of pain tonight, don't know whether I've over done it or it's from the cold/wet, but I hurt. He worked really late Monday night, was grumpy Tuesday night, Sam was up late Wednesday night, Thursday night DH had a GP appointment and got home ridiculously late, and Sam gives all impressions of tonight being a late one and DH is working tomorrow... ARGH! I will admit to being vaguely tempted to just go ahead and do it alone and not tell him... I can't ever have a surprise pregnancy, but he can... don't think I could do it and don't think I could explain the couple of thousand dollars disappearing from the bank accounts...
Sorry to hear that the family have been sick, Bun. We've had far too much of that here lately and it's just not fun!
Jayne... :hug: You are NOT a loser!
BW
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OH BW, you have some really big decisions to make (& exciting ones I might add). Sorry the weeknights have been crapola for you though, I hope you catch a break really soon! xx
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Bugger, forgot to add to you BUN!!!
Thanks for your post, it really means a lot & YESSS i will definitely be up for another catch up & to gush all over your two beautiful children again! I really hope the vomit & poo cloud lifts & you get mess-free very soon. It's horrid when DH is away & the kids are sick. All my ED trips have been when Alan is away. Go figure! LOL.
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Hi girls
Quick one from me - it's SO quiet in here!!!!! I've been busy doing my clinic work for my massage course - got to do 60 hours of massaging the public, I'm 9 hours down, so that is keeping me busy for the next few months. And I've decided to go on and do the Diploma, it's just going to give me the edge I need, and I'll make the most of DH being on long service leave. Tired just thinking about it though.... but it will all be over next May, so not that long in the scheme of things.
Michelle - welcome home sweet girl......... if you pop in here (when you get a chance!!) we have all been cheering you on as best we can from a distance........ I know you will be utterly relieved to have your little man home safe and sound, as all us mums in here know only too well, after loosing a babe, it's the biggest relief in the world to bring home a healthy squirming one - I imagine you were overloaded with worry, not to mention doing it alone, when George decided to emerge - but it all ended well, and you have him home - that is one huge achievement hon xoxoxo I know there is always the sour with the sweet - and the constant pain of seeing George without Greg is a devastation that will ease, in time.......... I promise you it will ease. It took me around 2 years to be able to go to important things with my kids (i.e. first day at school, school concerts etc) to not be a balling mess during or after the event. That sounds a long time, but like you, my children were young - so I had a lot of "firsts" to content with on my own. It's tough hon, but I survived, and you are a stronger person than me. I know it sounds terribly "cliched", but it really is a case of one day at a time, thats enough. And in amongst the pain, you will have pockets of sunshine, let them in, whty are your friend. Please let us know how you are doing, how long are your parents staying? Whats your "plan of attack", take care xoxoxoxo
Jayne - I'm up to date on your other thread, and without saying too much in here - I have to tell you how remarkably sane and level headed you are - whatever choice you make will be the right one, usually there is no right or wrong iykwim, hugs hon and I hope life starts levelling off again at the very least xo
Bun - poor chook, up to your eyeballs in goop........... I think you better get a few massage, facial ect appointments booked up for when your DH gets home, you have earned them!
Spring - you are very quiet - whats going down?
BW - I get that it would be so tempting to surprise your DH with a new pregnancy - but I guess the reality is that you would want/need his support.... sorry have not been much help, but hope things all fall into place easily.
Mako - hope you had a great weekend away hon, a good break xoxo
Deb - I'm feeling your relief all the way down here in Hobart!!!! I hope you are working on the next new chapter and I have no doubt it will be a truly grand one xo A liberated woman is a force to be reckoned with xo
Hi to everyone else - got to go, but hope you all pop in to say hi!!
Love Lee xoxo
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Hiya guys. I am really struggling tonight. DD is still sick and DS may be getting it but it is hard to tell - he is a spewy baby anyway, but has been even more spewy than usual today. I am sick too and have completely lost my voice. I got no sleep again last night and DD is currently screaming the place down in her room wanting me. I CAN'T go to her - I am just too tired to have another night of her carrying on and insisting on being in my bed where she stuffs around all night. She is getting better now, but just needs a LOT of sleep to fully recover and I am at my wits end. We ended up in the ED the other night as she was getting so dehydrated, and after some anti-nausea meds the vomiting has stopped, but she is still leaking like a tap from the other end. Her behaviour is absolutely shocking at the moment and I feel like a terrible mother because I just have no patience left to deal with it. Why does this have to happen while DH is away? It would be difficult even if he was here, things have been so bad.
Sorry for such a selfish post, I just needed to get that out. I have no idea how I am going to get through the next few days.
And Lee - if I was closer I would selflessly offer myself for the other 51 hours of massage practice you need!
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Oh Bun... huge, huge hugs hun. I wish there was something I could do to help you... I'm just dredding a situation like that, with no family around to help out, it's a nightmare... not to mention that DH is away at the moment too.. you poor thing. It's so typical that it happens when he is away! I really hope you manage to shake it really quickly and please don't feel like a bad Mummy.. you're amazing. Take care and I hope you somehow manage to get a good nights sleep! Keep up the fluids!!!
Michelle - Welcome home hun. I can't believe you're finally home with your precious little man!! Such a bittersweet moment though I would imagine. I'm still thinking of you constantly as you enter this new chapter in your life. Massive hugs. I'm sure you're making Greg very proud!!
Lee - I could certainly use a massage atm too!!! So proud of you for getting stuck into it!!
BW - Have you had a chance to speak to DH yet????
Jayne - Another night out on the town hey??? Soooo impressed and I hope you're letting your hair down and having a wonderful night!!!! Can't wait to hear all about it.
Mako - Hope the weekend away is going well... saw on FB that you had some car trouble... hope everything is ok???
Deb - Been thinking of you and hope all went ok at the mediation.
Janie - I'm so proud of N and his TT the other day... it's so great to catch up with you guys, I don't know what I'd do over here without you. You've been so amazing and little D is just the most gorgeous man ever!!!
AFM - I'm trying to live in the land of DeNile... it works every now and again but not always!! Just hanging out till Monday when we have a good chat to the OB and work out what to do next. I'm just so damn tired again atm.. can't seem to get on top of it.. and I've started getting heartburn again.. had it bad with DS and I think it's heading that way again.. not nice. Getting lots of strong movement from bubs though.. my whole belly has started moving with some of the strong ones.. it's just amazing.
Kel xxx
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DH left for work at 9:30 this morning and got home at 9pm tonight. Not his normal 9-5 job, freelance work for his previous employer doing sound for a jazz festival. He's just taken Sam to bed... No talking tonight, none tomorrow as Sundays are pretty full-on with church for him (he does sound for both services which usually means we are there 8-11 in the morning and he starts at 4 in the afternoon and usually gets in around 8 at night). Not expecting much talking to happen any time soon! Probably a good thing as I've wrenched my hip and knee wrestling with a shopping trolley and he'd use this pain as evidence that the arthritis pain would stop me from caring for two children. *sigh*
Bun, don't feel like a bad mummy! I have to admit that I let Sam play with a plastic case for a quilt... putting it over his head and all for a moments peace this afternoon... Sometimes you've just got to do what ever you need to do in order to get through. I'm also a long way from family, so I understand that isolation. :hug:
Michelle - welcome home! I feel bad that Sam and circumstances still haven't given me time to call and talk, but I do think of you every day.
BW
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Hi girls. Home at last and what a journey........
While I am relieved I feel kind of numb and there are a multitude of emotions bubbling around trying to make their way to the surface. I am overwhelmingly relieved to be able to bring George home considering the start we had. It was nothing related to his early arrival. More a complicated prelabour that resulted in labour with a transverse lie, hindwater leak, 8cm dilated with bulging membranes, code red c-section and then potentially a placental abruption during a difficult and (in O&G terms) protracted extraction due to his position. He was a paediatric resus (not breathing), with a pH of 6.8 (translated - acute insult / lack of oxygen but very, very bad level), tube for breathing, seizure activity within 30 minutes of birth (medicated for that at that time) then cooled to 33.5 degrees to preserve his little brain for 72 hours. EEG initially was not looking good but improved and the MRI was ultimately grossly normal with a few potential issues related to the motor area of the brain. He improved quickly and at this moment looks perfectly normal except for his upper limb tone and strength which we will see a paed physio for ASAP. He has follow up with a developmental paediatrician in 4 weeks and then NICU follow up clinic at 4/6/9/12 months and again at 2 years. Other appointments will depend on him and how he goes.
The most critical thing at this stage is we are home. He attaches and coordinates suck / swallow very well (which is a very positive neurological sign) and he is appropriately interacting. He still has a few of the born early issues of not crying (yet) and needing to be woken for feeds but that will (should) improve with his age. His neurological status is out of my control and we just have to go with the flow.
Overall, the loss of Greg and the past 2 weeks have left me feeling exceptionally battered, bruised (physical and emotionally) and a little empty. I have nothing to give and that worries me a little. I know the emotions will come but I have had to hold it together for so long that I feel like letting anything loose is likely to result in an avalanche that may be out of control :( I am tired and flat and drained and really wishing I could just get a Greg cuddle. Just once. Just one of those where you can relax into the hold and just hang there until you feel soothed.
On the plus side - feeding is going well and we are tandem feeding too. Lily is ecstatic :rolleyes: and George is a perfect feeder. Sooooo unlike the others. We were all in bed together last night too which was beautiful.
The trauma of the past (almost) 4 months also showed on the little ones last night. Lily has been looking at photos continuously and pointing out Daddy and had a melt down last night sobbing for Daddy and Mumma :( Oscar had the worst night and dreamt badly. He was having similar to his night terrors - screaming, kicking and hitting out. Crying for Mummy and sobbing for Daddy :( It was a tag team approach too :rolleyes: Lily was unsettled and awake until after 12mn, Oscar nightmared around that time and then George had a tummy ache until 1am. It all settled and Lily almost slept through and George had a feed at 6.30am but Oscar was awake again at 4.30am. The sleep in was nice though - Oscar and I got up at 10am (thanks to my Dad!!)
BBL - I should stop rambling (which is reflective of the lack of order in my head) I will be around and reading. A big thank you for your ongoing messages of love and support. Without you I would be lost xxx
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Oh Michelle, I feel as though I have just 'watched' an eposide of ER. I have goosebumps all over my arms from reading that. I'm sooooooo relieved that he is looking much better now & I'm really hoping that with each appointment he goes to, he checks another 'improved' box. He sounds as though he is feeding amazingly & really settled, which is a blessing. I'm sure Oscar & Lily will have better nights, their little lives are topsy-turvy atm & they were probably just frazzled with everything that's happened, as well as you being emotional & hormonal, they will be picking up on all of it. Sounds as though you coped beautifully though and I'm ever so proud. xx
Sorry for lack of personals, I have stacks of washing to fold. It has rained non-stop since Thursday so my 'warmer' (what Curly Fry calls the dryer), is getting a major workout.
Yes, I did go out on the town again last night :redface: Am really proud of myself for making myself ask to have the girls babysat so I can enjoy myself. I really did have a great night. I was the driver last night, so at least today I am tired but not hung over like I am half-dead like last time. Was very interesting being the sober one & watching the nightlife unfold. Some random told me I have a 'really spunky amount of pizzazz' so all my girls were calling me 'Ms Pizzazz' last night. Freaking hilarious! xx
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It's so great to have you back home Michelle.. :hug: :leap:
I am sorry I've had a big weekend & something happened that upset me deeply. For some reason it's shaken me a bit. I am not used to others thinking ill of me & getting a dressing down & it's rocked my confidence a little. I am fine now - just for a while it shook me a bit. When you realise how people feel & it's different to how you do it's always confronting! It's all good but I wasn't in a head space to give the love or support that I wanted to. I think the experience hit me a bit more due to all the legal stuff I had to deal with this week also. Anyway it's just boring silly stuff but I wanted you guys to know why I've been absent.
Immy really suffered being left all day with someone else. My gorgeous friend looked after her and has a very close bond with her but Immy cried for Mummy a lot & then when I finally got to her at 7.30pm she was pretty cranky at me... :cry:
It was hard on the poor darling baby. Anyway I'll bb tomorrow when I am not zombie like - I actually had a 2 hour sleep this afternoon & I couldn't believe I slept that long! I just don't do day sleeps & my gorgeous children kept everything quiet (I won't go into what they ate from the pantry but there is always a price to pay!) for me... Awwwww they are gorgeous!
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Hi girls!
Michelle - so GOOD to see you posting in here, and never mind what you might think as ramblings, they are not to us okay! You have had an incredibly hard time, and I really hope and pray that now George is here and home, that thing will start to ease up on the pain front for you hon. You have birthed your boy, and he is home, that was a huge thing to focus on. Now hopefully your life will start to resume, with a few new routines for the little ones. Do you have many things on for Oscar, i.e. playgroup etc, just start to think about a tiny bit of structure, I know it's difficult with a newborn, but it's worth it for your sanity and health, just knowing you do this or that during a particular day, and it will give your little ones some routine which they love. Baby steps.....
I'm back off to the grief counsellor shortly, so shall see how that goes - I don't really feel like talking about thigns today, but I have the appointment, so shall go.
Deb - I totally understand how you might be feeling. I've been in a similar space, and felt totally misunderstood and undervalued. Some people just refuse to see the 'real' you, their loss, hope you are back on track today, albeit needing to restock the pantry ;)
Hi to everyone! Love Lee x
