Parenting after Miscarriage or loss ~ July 2010

Hi Ladies,

I hope you don't mind if I join you from time to time. AF arrived for the first time since DD was born and DH is really keen to get started on "the next one", which is really sweet. But I'm enjoying this one so much and it took so much to make this one, that I'm scared of trying. ANyhow, just thought I'd say hi, and officially begin the next paranoid obsessive journey to whatever may come.

Am I in the wrong place?

PS Lee how did I not notice that Flynn and DD are just a day apart? xxx

Hi Pash - so great to hear from you, I wondered many many times how your birth went - and SO happy to hear you are loving finally having a baby after so much heartache. What day was your little girl born? I'm incredibly busy with 4! In fact Fynn is bashing the laptop, so I'd better get off and get on with the rest of the day. As for ttc, can't answer that one for you hon, but toy with the idea and see how you go !!

Hi girls - Anna, thinking of you this week, and will back in later xoxoxo

Ok my mind is mush so I dont get it; boys had to do with the miscarriages how Michelle? Youll have to explain to stupid old me lol

Ive always had a theory that the pregnancies Ive lost have been girls. Just really funny the only successful pregnancies Ive had out of 7 known ones have been boys........probably cant even really happen, being anti-gender or something like that right?

Im going to go see the nice GP at our clinic next week and get a referral to Dr S and make an appt to see him. Might try to avoid pregnancy til then as a JIC. If it still manages to happen then it happens but I wont actively seek it.

Thanks for all the advice guys!

Hi Pash and welcome back. Congratulations on your little girl. If you are enjoying your little one and you don't have that burning desire to ttc again then just sit on the idea for a while. My bet is that even thinking about ttc again will start those clucky feelings. Unfortunately the fear of another miscarriage does make our decision to ttc a little harder than those who have not been through it before.

Freya - I often think that my miscarriages are my boys. I hope you get some answers

Freya - I think by 'boys' Michelle may have meant Dh's sperm?? :dunno: but I could be totally wrong!

If you are going to go and see Dr S, I think it would be a good idea to avoid ttc until then. As Mako has mentioned, tests that he will run can be inaccurate in an early pregnancy.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow, such a very difficult day and I am so sorry you are having to experience it again :comfort:

I think it's natural to wonder about gender/miscarriage, I did too until I had L and that disproved that theory but I remember reading a thread on BB about it and the general gist was it is very rare to have a condition based on gender. I think Deb posted in that thread so she could probaby shed more light on it.

Anna, Anna, Anna, my heart is breaking for you, I wish I could hug you again. I'm so sorry this is happening & I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow.
Mako - are you going ok?
Much love to everybody here, I miss you all, & had such a fantastic time in Melbourne! I can't believe it was 2 weeks ago already & now I'm in Qingdao, China.
I'll post more later, I just wanted to send Anna my love.
Jayne x

Good to see Miss Jayne that BB is not a blocked site :D Nice chatting last night xx

Anna - I was thinking how I know nothing definite about gender issues but perhaps your pregnancy losses are female. Which may be related to DH's "boys" (but I wasn't specifically thinking of them ;) ) but it is outside my knowledge area. It was just a fleeting thought. I hope today you feel the love surrounding you. I hope that the girls do a reasonable substitute for me and I hope the yucky part is as civilised as possible :hug:

Any word on how Anna is doing?
Michelle - the net doesn't exactly love me being on BB, but persistence is paying off!!! Was nice chatting to you too, hope that Lily had a good sleep for you. xx

Hey Anna - love and hugs today babe, most of in here know how crappy it is, what you are going through today - it's horrible and sad. Here's hoping you are well cared for at home, let us know how you are doing hon - Lee xoxo

Hey Jane - how's the yoga and the Chinese food, and the girls new school, your new place, life in general? All ok so far? xoxoxo

Freya - Thinking you today. It is such a horrible experience, I hope you've got some love and hugs IRL.

Oh Jayne Im honoured your thinking of me even though youve had the big task of moving countries to contend with :hug:

Well its done. Was a bit of a crappy day but Im glad its over and done with. Firstly the registrars decided I needed another bHCG and ultrasound. I was not happy but went and did it anyway. My hcg dropped since 2 days ago so pretty much confirmed non-viability. The ultrasound showed a fetal pole measuring 6wks and a sac measuring 7.5wks. So obviously the scan on saturday was a load of bull that there was no fetal pole. So it was a missed miscarriage NOT a blighted ovum. When I finally got to peri op at 11:30am they took me in straight away and I was out in recovery by 2pm; home by 5pm (after a drive by to Macca's because I was starving.) Im pretty sore and sorry; and a bit shell shocked I think now its sunk in. I appreciate all the support girls, I cant put into words how much it all means to me :hug: It was hard being alone today, there were moments where I wished I had an understanding friendly face.

Im a bit in two minds after talking to someone today about going for testing re the miscarriages. I get the impression that you have to m/c consecutively for anyone to think there is a reason other than being totally unlucky behind it. So I think we'll just keep cracking on and take what comes. If its another m/c then I'll probably take it as a sign. I should be grateful for what I have now and focus my energies on them rather than on what could be or what has happened. Its so confusing.

Im pretty sure I'll fall apart when I go to sleep tonight.

Oh Anna, it doesn't matter what's going on in my world or how much distance is between us, when you love & care for somebody, they are in your mind no matter what. I have been continually thinking about you, but haven't been able to SMS as Alan has been flipping is lid over usage & cost since we touched down & then Michelle let me know last night. My hheart sank for you darl, it really did.

Yes, fall apart tonight, there is nothing like a good cry, I can't say it's going to make it all ok, but it might just let you get rid of that pent up angst. :hugs:

LEE _ The girls start school on Monday & I'm soooooooo excited. We have visited the school twice and the students from their respestive classes are falling over themselves with the 'fresh meat' that has arrived. bahaha. There is a lovely girl in Jess' class who waved & smiled from the playground & then told Jess she would be her friend which is EXACTLY what Jess needed to hear to give her the encouragement & confidence. Curly Fry on the other hand wouldn't even care if there were aliens in her class, so long as she was at SCHOOL! lol. The food is interesting at some places, you just have to be choosey where you go. ALan has been in Beijing for the past 2 nights (home today) & so it's just been me & the girls which I thought would freak me out, but I think we have done ok. It helped that on one day I had the driver to get me around. But all in all, I think I'm going pretty good. Oh & on the yoga front, I'm staring at the schedule atm & the kids are starting kids yoga on Saturday. I think it's a good way for them to make friends & they went into the studio this morning & are excited to start, but I don't think they know what yoga is. They also do bellydancing there & they said they can start a kids class - which I reckon Claudia would LOVE!

Well, I must be off & unpack my purchases. Had to get some shoes & some school supplies today, plus groceries. Cooked on the wok plates for the first time today, just bacon & duck egg (bought the wrong eggs), sandwiches, but still a big achievement for me! lol. We can get lots of 'western' type foods, but it's more expensive, but sometimes we just need to be Aussies!

Love Jayne xx

Gosh Jayne your making me want to move in with you lol sounds like the girls will be just fine with their change in scenery. Im so jealous and in awe of you missy; I would love to move to another country and live what must seem like a totally alien life. Before you know it youll be the Qingdao afficionado :)

But you MUST move back to Perth when I hopefully eventually in maybe 5yrs or so move there too ;)

Freya - I've been thinking of you all day too hun.. such a crappy thing to have to go through (which we all know far too well). I hope you've allowed yourself to have a good cry.. there's nothing wrong with letting it out.. I think it's absolutely essential in coping with it all. I know most doctors like you to have 3 m/c in a row before they'll investigate too much but there are a lot out there who will look at the big picture... so go with whatever you feel is right!! I wish my dr in Perth had done some more investigating.. might of saved me a bit of heartache along the way... seen as the asprin seems to have done the trick for me this time!! I'd hate to see you go through all this again.

Jayne - Woo Hoo... it's soooo great to hear from you!!!! I've been thinking of you heaps. I know how hard the move from Perth to Melbourne was for me and was wondering how it was all going!! You make my move look like nothing at all now - LOL!! Such a great adventure for you and it sounds like you're really enjoying it!! Please keep the updates coming!

Hope everyone else is well.

Kel xxx

Freya - sending you big, big hugs. And for what it's worth, Dr S gave me full miscarriage investigations after only one loss.

BW

Freya - Thanks for dropping in to let us know how you traveled. I hated that empty shell feeling. Let it out babe and look after yourself

jayne - Hi hun. So glad you are all doing fine

Freya I've been thinking of you all day and am sorry you didn't have a friendly face by your side :( I know all too well what that feels like after my D&C back in March. Anyway I hope you manage some peaceful sleep tonight and aren't in too much physical pain :hug: Be gentle on yourself and allow yourself time to process what has happened and let yourself grieve. I wish I could take your pain away :hug:
As for getting tests and so on done I would follow your heart hun.

Jayne Sounds like you and the girls are settling in nicely :)