Parenting after Miscarriage or loss ~ July 2010

Kelly How did your appointment go yesterday?

Michelle THANKYOU for the chat last light and the little kick up the bottom that I so needed ;) I hope your little ones let you have a decent sleep last night :hug

Jayne How is everything in China? Did you manage to get that mani and pedi you were talking about?

Lisa How are you and the girls doing?

Willow How is that list coming along? How is D? Did you wean him off his ventolin?

Spring How is Ollie's finger? What's bubba B up to?

Bun I hope everything is slowly falling into place for you guys with the move too. Are you planning on being back in Perth before Christmas or do you not have a time frame as such?

I need to get organise for my busy day. Thankfully I don't have to take S with me today as MIL is willing to have him. I hate asking her to have him when I'm not working but it will make my appointment a little easier without him being there.
DH has his follow up appointment with his Urologist on Monday. He had another xray done this week and we can clearly see atleast 1 stone so we are expecting him to have another visit to hospital sometime in the next couple of weeks no doubt. Oh the joys :(

Hope you all have a good day :)

Good luck, Mako. I hope today brings answers.

BW

Mako - Good luck today hun.. I'm thinking of you (as always). I really hope you can get some answers. Please let us know how you go.

Hope everyone else is well. We're doing pretty good... although I'm just starting to get some pretty bad hayfever, which isn't really pleasant without the appropriate drugs!! LOL. And just walking around is getting a little on the difficult side but i can't complain about that!!! Under two weeks to go now and I'm starting to get a little anxious about it all... the lead up is going to be a bit harder than I thought and I just want it over and to have my gorgeous new bub in my arms once and for all. It's so damn exciting. The BF is still worrying me a bit too... I had so many problems with Luke but hopefully we'll be able to manage it a bit better this time. The OB is sooooo happy with me though.. she actually said yesterday that all was wonderful and that she's "not worried at all about me".. she thinks I'll be completely fine, recover well and have no problems. So that's good to know!! Oh and bubs head is still floating around, so not much chance of going into labour before the c-section.. don't know if that's good or bad.. LOL.. I just want this pg over!!

Anyway must go... have to get my bum into gear.. need to go look at a few mattresses for Luke's new bed (we got him a king single... luckly little man), then I'm off to meet Janie!! Woo Hoo.

Kel xxx

:hug: GL Mako.

Kelly, I took polaramine for my hayfever when I was pregnant. I still use it now. It's mildly sedating (but doesn't get me that way) and I find it actually works heaps better than the non-sedating antihistamines.

BW

Kelly I wouldn't take polaramine this late in your pregnancy my love. It crosses the placenta & if your baby is born by surprise it will affect his respiratory system. But that's just my opinion... :redface:

Best of luck for your appointment today Mako. We are all holding your hand in spirit.................

KELLY _ I think you will be fine with the bf'ing!! Luke & Jessica were very similar newborns with the reflux & the feeding, etc...but with Claudia it just worked!!! I really hope the same is with you. I honestly think so much of it has to do with how calm I was with Claudia, with jess I was a nervous wreck. So jealous you guys are getting together today with Janie, jealous but happy, but still jealous.

Well, I'm off to do some birthday & Christmas shopping today. Plus, I have gotten a bit addicted to hampers! I have sent my parents a hamper to thank them for all the work they have just done in our house & then it's my SIL birthday on Monday, so I ordered her a hamper as well. It's so easy to do & that way at least they have gifts on the day specially from us. Well, the sun is shining so I'm off to conquer Qingdao's shopping malls.

Love Jayne x

Kelly WOW at having less than 2 weeks to go until you finally meet your precious new bub :) How wonderful your Ob isn't worried about you (in a good way of course lol). Lucky Luke having a new bed..We haven't got Sage his bed yet..Will get there eventually and while he's still very happy to sleep in his cot and not climb out I figure why move him hahaha but thats just me..We have a mattress and new sheets,doona and all that stuff he'll need just no bed base but it will happen eventually :)

I've been to see my Ob and after a rather long and intense appointment(1.5 hours) :o (sorry to the women in the waiting room lol) we have decided to have a lap done on the 18th Nov to try and remove all my endo and start on some new medication for up to 3 months and once that is up go back on Clomid(cos the 2 can't be taken together) if we aren't preg in that time and once I am preg she has agreed to let me go on Clexane no matter what my results show as I told her I'm prepared to risk everything. She also asked me if I want to get a 2nd opinion and if so she is way more than happy for me to do that. I also have a copy of some blood results which is good news. I have to have a blood test done on the 15th November to check ovulation levels and will be preventing a pregnancy this cycle cos I want to get this op done. Its been just over 4 years since it was treated and I told her I have a feeling it could be partly the cause of my last little angel.
Thanks for all your support and help so far..no doubt I'll be needing a lot more hand holding along the way :grouphug:

Mako - So glad you've got a plan hun, your ob sounds wonderful

MAKO _ Sounds as though this Dr was extremely thorough & took a lot of time with you today, which I'm so pleased about. I had terrible PCOS before I had Jessica & after having the lap & then going back for the post-op check up, I was pg. I sooooooo hope the same happens for you my love & that the little bundle is as sticky as can be! xx

Ack! I was never told that about polaramine, Deb. Just that it was safe to take in pregnancy. Eek!

I'm actually kind of worried now. :(

BW

Thanks Bek and Jayne. The Ob I saw today is my usual Ob but I seemed to have a much better talk about things with her and made sure she listened to what I had to say and not rush me or brush me off ;)

BW I'm sure you don't have anything to worry about and I'm sure Inanna didn't mean to cause you to worry. Maybe next time you're at your GP you could ask if you have any reason to be worried :hug:

FWIW - I suffer very bad allergies and I took Polaramine during all 3 pregnancies. I didn't take it regularly only when I felt I couldn't stand it anymore

Love your work Mako that you really stood up for yourself and your precious body! xx

Mako - not stressed about what I may have done to Sam. By the time December has rolled around my hayfever has settled a heap. It's this time of year that is hell for me. Stressed because I'd told a friend it was ok to take it. The sad thing is that I can remember telling a pregnant friend it was ok, but I can't remember exactly WHO (yes, my brain is that messed up!). Ack! Should have explained that earlier - but I was distracted and had to go get Sam from day care in a hurry.

I have made a decision with the RA meds. I'm not having any success with the new one, so I'm going back to the old one that I stopped. My liver results weren't as bad as my rheumy led me to believe and while they don't do enough, they do SOMETHING. I'm just hoping it won't be as miserable getting back onto them this time as it was the first time. When things are a bit more settled on the pain front I will try again with the new one.

The worst part is the 6-8 weeks to wait for it to start working. *sigh*

BW

BW: :hug: I won't pretend to know what chronic pain feels like but I did get a bit of an insight for the 2 years before DH had his knee op. I really hope you can find the magical drug combination that gives you some relief.

Mako: Wow hun, it sounds like you now have plans within plans. I also think an OB who is willing to invite a second opinion is a good Ob.

Ok, I feel I should explain about me and why I've been MIA of late.

Well firstly, thanks to Anna for your text today, it really couldn't have come at a better time. I have been MIA a bit lately. I had a bit of an epiphany on Harry's 4th Birthday. I realised I have spend 4 solid years grieving my boy. When I was in Melb I had some conversations with some lovely women who I guess inadvertently put things into perspective to me. I don't even think they realised at the time how important what they were saying was. I have now made a conscientious decision to 'move on'. Not to move on from Harry, he will always be my first born son but to move on from the grief. This is a very difficult decision for me. I had to allow myself to accept that 'moving on' doesn't mean in any way shape or form I am dishonouring Harry's memory. Quite the contrary actually, I'm honouring his memory by being the best mum for his brother's and the best wife for his dad. I have many beautiful friends (on here and elsewhere) who are at varying stages of their grief journey so I just decided to retreat for a while. I am still here and reading, but I need to take a moment to pause. I will still weap for my boy, I'll still miss him and whisper to him in my dreams but I just can't be swathed in the grief any more.

I hope this makes sense. I want to be able to support all of you gorgeous girls in the best way possible so please don't think in any way that this means I won't be there for each and every one of you.

Man this sounds jumbled but I hope you get it. I'm even considering a name change but I'm not there just yet. Suggestions welcomed. I was thinking something about re-birth. I don't know.

Big love
Spring xx

BW Honestly if someone told me a particular medication was safe during pregnancy I'd still be double checking with either the chemist or my Dr. I know when I was pregnant with Sage and I had many many respiritory tract infections and needed to take a few courses of AB's during that time I double checked it was safe 1stly with the GP who prescribed them then I asked the chemist and then I called my Ob just to make sure they were ok to take. I know that I might seem over the top but I just couldn't and wouldn't put my unborn baby at risk. So I guess what I'm saying is if someone was concerned about taking some medication I'm sure they'd check with a professional as well kwim?
I hope you get some relief sometime soon with your RA.

I thought I was doing ok with my little angels EDD tomorrow until I get on FB earlier and see a post from my cousin who says "Well hubby has just showered me with gift tonight as we celebrate the impending arrival of our TWINS" I'm very happy for them but just not great timing that's all and neither is the phone call from my aunty(her mum) asking rather personal questions and then starts going on about how tough said cousin is doing at the moment with all the m/s and so on..What I'd give right now to have any bit of m/s or to have a healthy little bub growing nicely in my belly:( Oh well I guess that's the way life is isn't it..
Sorry for the downer..I'll be back when I've picked myself up yet again.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Spring you posted while I was busy typing away. I want to send you a big :hug: and admire your strength. You are an amazing woman and mummy. I'm sure Harry is so proud of you as he watches from above :hug:

Mako - so pleased you got some progress today :hug:

Spring - I had a flash back to some of our conversations over the Melbourne trip. I hope this is a positive step for you. It is hard work grieving :( Currently it is physically and emotionally exhausting me - hence my lack of posting lately. I am so tired and I need some crying time and I need Greg so much this week that it really is getting on top of me.

BW - I hope the medication change is a good change for you :hug:

Big hellos to everyone :grouphug:

Huge warm cuddles coming at you Michelle :comfort:

I really do admire each and every one of you ladies here. You've all had so much to deal with. :grouphug:

Spring & Michelle, I wish with everything I have, that I could make this pain go away. I really do. I love you both so much, & it just breaks my heart that such good people have to endure such pain & suffering & longing & desire. The only thing I can offer is that my skype is always on (you know this already Michelle) & my e-mail is always there, & just so you know that there are so many people who love & want so much for you.

Spring - I like the idea of a name change........... I'll start thinking.

BW _ I'm with Mako, I'd double check with a health care professional before starting any medications & I'm SURE that the dispensing pharmacist or chemist assistant would ask the required questions IF there was a great risk to unborn babies. It's liken when you need an xray & they ask you over & over if you are pregnant. lol

MAKO _ I would be very upset as well, especially a family member who would fully know the hardship you have endured, before shooting her mouth off about unrelenting m/s. You're only human my love, you can't shut off your feelings (no matter how much we might like to).

SPRING - I like the sound of your new positivity, I like how you are moving forward with your life & that you are still remembering your sweet Harry. It sounds like the beginning of a really beautiful & bright new beginning. xx

MICHELLE - How is Oscar man doing?

AFM _ Well, little Claudia has survived her first full week of school & she is EXHAUSTED!!!! Happy, but exhausted. Today we are just bumming in the apartment & having a quiet one. I think the kids need it. SO does my bank balance.........


Love Jayne xx

Spring - hugs sweetheart - I think I know pretty well how you are feeling and what you are saying - kind of giving yourself permission to keep the "good bits" of Harry, and letting go some of the intense grief - I think you are making the right choice babe. Current DH told me after we lost Luc "the best revenge is to live well".... it's pefect for you at the moment hon, and good advice for all of us. One day at a time on the next part of your journey, Harry lives on in your heart, he truly does, and always will.

Michelle - oh babe, you are still in such a raw state. And loosing your husband, partner, mate, best friend - it's complete devastation and requires a full re-build.... these things will take years, I hate to say. But you know that. Finding the pearls in amongst the crud is paramount to keeping you sane and on track. Getting time out is paramount too. I know it's horrible and I know it's hard. I wish to god you were not having to experience this kind of pain and grief, it's so all consuming..... you know I'm always here when you need to talk my darling xoxo

Hi Jayne and Bek, Janie, Kelly, BW, Mako.... bit tired myself atm, in desparate need of a break - but that won't be on the cards for a little while yet, DH back the end of November. Just not feeling very chatty right now due to not having much fuel left in the tank.... but could not ignore the posts of such beautiful women.... I wish I lived closer to both of you.

Much love to all, and hi Deb if you're out there, how r u doing?

Lee xoxoxo

Michelle I just want to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your little ones today xoxo

Hi Ladies,

Just had to post some good news in here...........

My SIL has just delivered a beautiful baby girl via caesar. Lacey Skyla. I'm so excited for them & so incredible homesick right now because I just want to be right there amongst it...........

I hope the news isn't upsetting to anybody, I just wanted to share.

Love Jayne

Jayne that is wonderful news about your new niece. I love her name too btw...A few friends of ours have little girls named Lacey :)
How's everything going in China? Are the girls still loving it?
Oh and I don't think happy news like that is ever a bad thing in here although I don know where you're coming from :hug:

Jayne - keep posting the happy stuff because right now I've got nothing :(

Mako - thank you for thinking of us. I shouldn't have done it :( DS is sooooo not coping. Acting out because he is scared I am going to leave too. Going to the cemetery for the blessing of the graves brought back a whole pile of memories for him. As a consequence I got to hear almost none of it and just cried near the grave because the clingon couldn't give me any space. I am physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted and I needed today so much for me but instead I got to manage the fallout yet again. This is just crud :(

Double post

Oh sweet Michelle. All I have is love and hugs :comfort: I wish so bad that I could take away your pain.

Spring xx

Oh Michelle I am so so so lost for words. So wanting to say something to "help" you & it's just not coming. I wish I could take away the pain. I am sorry I can't. But know I love you, cherish you & that I will always be there for you. :comfort:

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." ~Helen Keller

You will overcome this darling woman - little by little, step by step, sometimes the steps will go backwards - sometimes they will go forwards. One day you will look back & say "I survived, I am happy, I am whole & I did it"... When you do we will all still be here for you, meeting up in some random city, sharing cheese, wine, tears, hugs, laughter & maybe even "jam donuts"... But we will be there... God willing. :hug:

Oh Michelle I know nothing I can say will help ease your pain or little O's pain and fear :( I sooooo wish this wasn't the way things are right now for you guys. I will also send you lots of massive :hug: :comfort:

p.s Deb..beautifully said ;)

Michelle - :hug:

Oh beautiful Michelle, I only just read this. Oh sweetheart, I know how much you needed this today, and the effort it takes to get you and the 3 babes there, only to be (short-changed is the wrong word, because it was your wee man than needed you) but you know what I mean.... highlights again how much you need to be able to get some time to yourself too, that backlog of grief ain't going to hold much longer, and I feel helpless to help you from here.... do you think you could ask the priest/father to bless Greg's grave again, with just you alone - or spend some time with him there at Greg's side? I'm so sorry beautiful lady that you have so effing much to deal with - it's so incredibly hard dealing with the grief of young children, atop of your own. Just know I'm here, we all are here - and I reckon a dozen or so jam doughnuts would go down a bl--dy treat right now! We will not let you go under babe, you are not alone, you are loved by us and so many. Greg is there for you too, try and see his smile. All the love and hugs in the world coming right at you, Lee xo

Michelle... :hug:

I have no words... just a haze of codeine, so that is all I shall attempt.

BW

Oh Michelle... sending you heaps of massive hugs hun. I wish there was something I could say... I'm also lost for words and feel totally useless. Just know you're not alone, we're all here for you and know how tough this is for you. Thinking of you constantly.

Kel xxx

Michelle - :hug: I am so sorry and wish there was something I could do to help you through this. I want you to know that I think of you and the little ones often, even if we don't speak much anymore. I hope you are feeling better today.

Spring - I think you're amazing and although yours is not a path I have travelled, I believe you have made a very wise decision - I hope it brings you much happiness and peace. I think there comes a time when you are ready :hug:

Oh Michelle - I'm so sorry that the blessing didn't go as you had hoped/needed it to. Lee had a wonderful suggestion though........ something to consider? Have you given any more thought to what we spoke about, the something entirely his of Greg's?

Mako - Lacey was actually a name that I quite like myself, but thankfully for me, the no babies on the agenda meant I wasn't gutted. lol. It's a very pretty name, I'm not overly fond of the Skyla, but stil!

Kelly - 8 days my love! My aus mobile works, just so you know........ lol

Willow - How's the little guy?

Lee - How are you going? I feel for you being so exhausted! The new bike still getting a workout?

BW _ Glad you're popping in here!

Bun - How's the home tidy ups going?

Spring - How's the name thing going? Had a thought of 'Cherished Angel'?

Pash - Haven't 'seen' you in a while!!!

Lisa - Hello???

Janie - Damn no fb in China!!! Where are you woman!

Big hello's to anybody I have missed - completely NOT intentional! Am just getting over my first home sick day that I had yesterday. Lacey's arrival stirred up more than a bit of excitement in my little heart, but now I'm coming back to normal!

Love Jayne xx

Jayney - He's good. Off the ventolin for about a week now and clear chest :)

Can imagine the home sickness...I'm even worried about it and I'll only be 2 hours from 'home'! :hug:

Where are you off to Willow? Are you moving house? Miss V changing schools? you know what, it's the best thing I ever did taking Jess out of her school in Aus.