Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010

Lee, what a morning you had. I hope everything is okay with DH. Please let us know.

mako, my cycle after my D&E was very strange. I didn't have any bleeding until 2 weeks later. Then I had a spot or two each day. Af came late but it was not very heavy.
I think a trip to the beach sounds like a good idea. A little alone time to think and have a good cry always helps me.

Janie, Grayson had reflux, BAD. Nothing helped. I would keep him sitting up most of the day in his bouncy chair. I even let him sleep in it a few times. I know that it was not the best idea but if he was flat I was afriad that he would spit up. I found a sleeping chair called a napnanny (napnanny.com) that did help. I didn't find it until he really didn't need it anymore.

kelly, you sound so happy and excited. It is great.

Michelle, I have been thinking of you everyday.

AFM, scan went great today. Bub was measuring well and moving around. Now I just need to try hard to stay relaxed until my 17 week scan.

Kelly and Laney WOOHOO to you both on your wonderful appointments. I'm so happy to hear both of your little bubbas are doing so well :)

Lee OMG how scary for you and DH. I hope he's feeling a bit better today :hug:
Good on you for making an appointment with the PND Nurse. I hope she can help you out :hug:

Jayne Welcome home. How good are your girls for travelling so so well. Gotta love Barbie to make everything better lol.

Willow I meant to say yesterday that yes DH had his tests done when I 1st had mine done up here when we were ttc Sage and his results came back ok.
How did your boys go last night? Is V back at school today?

Michelle Thinking of you and hope everything went as well as possible yesterday :hug:

Bun How is your time in Perth going? Sorry to hear about your Great Aunt too :hug:

Deb Sending you a :hug: too. Any change on your DD? I so hope she comes to her senses very soon.

Lisa Sorry to hear you've all been unwell. I hope the lurgy bugs have left your house now.

Spring How are the cloth nappies going? Are you loving them yet? lol

I had my 1st day back at work yesterday and it went ok. Not too many kids turned up but that's expected in the 1st week back after hols. I'm back there again this afternoon so hopefully it'll be ok.
I'm actually thinking about doing my own lessons eventually. I'm just going to wait and see what happens with ttc and maybe start my own little business if bub #2 doesn't happen by the end of the year.
I've spoken with a few people and they are interested in me teaching their kids in their own pools when I decide the time is right. Winter obviously isn't the best time to start up but as the weather warms up it should all take off.
Anyway thats the plan for now but I know it can all change over time.

Still not too sure what my stupid body is doing. Still spotting but nothing major and certainly not like af. I don't think I'm pregnant (thanks Freya lol) but anything is possible I guess. Just not too sure what's going on :wall:

Sorry hun! I only mentioned it because I had a d&c after my missed miscarriage and got similar things happening to you afterwards waiting for AF to turn up. I ended up being pregnant (although I still dont know when we conceived!) with Jett. I didnt think I was either but Ryan insisted I test anyway. If youve had sex its always possible. Just thought it could explain the spotting (implantation). Can you get in to see your GP or OBGYN? Could be a hormone issue after the d&c. I think that can happen to. I hope your body decides what the heck its doing soon :hug:

If you lived closer Id employ you to teach my boys to swim :) I think its definately worth more thinking about doing private lessons!

No need to be sorry ;) I didn't mean it in a bad way lol. I'm just sooooo over my body doing dumb stuff and not knowing wth is going on now is even more frustrating :wall: I know pregnancy is a possibility but I think it would be too early to even do a test. The weird thing is the "spotting" isn't every time I go to the loo and its not even heavy enough for me to use a liner or anything. Sorry that was a bit TMI wasn't it :o
As far as seeing a dr I'm not too sure. I see my Ob in a few weeks though. I might just wait and see what happens (I seem to be doing a lot of that lately :rolleyes: )

Man... my mum just called in tears, my nan was taken in to hospital a few days ago because she was vomiting constantly and my aunts couldn't keep her pain meds up. The palliative care nurse came and said it was best she went in. They did testing etc and she has another UTI. Mum just called to tell me they are not letting her out. She is being transferred to the palliative care unit, there's nothing more they can do for her :crying: She is showing some neurological symptoms and they think the cancer is now affecting her brain :(

My heart is breaking for my mother...she will be devastated by this. She was crying so much I thought she was going to say she'd already passed :(

Oh no thats just awful Willow :( :hug:

Mako, Wait and See is my most hated sentence ever. Its like verbal torture!

Willow - Hugs hun. I am holding your hand

Oh my goodness... two days in and I think this new school term is going to kill me!

Just wanted to pop by and let everyone know that I still love you all and that I think of you often - I just think it's going to be hard to find time to post much for the next ten weeks... Urgh!

:grouphug:

BW

Oh Willow I'm so sorry your Nan is so unwell :cry: I'm worried about how you are holding up babe. It sounds like you are putting everyone else's feelings ahead of your own and I get that cos I do it too but PLEASE take care of you too and know that I'm here any time day or night if you ever need to talk :hug:

ETA thats not meant to come across as being nasty either :shakehead: Just worried for you my beautiful friend :hug:

:grouphug: for everyone too.

Mako - :hug: I am doing OK, honest. Tonight wasn't good because my sister called and she is struggling with being so far away (she's in Perth) and I don't know what to tell her :( There's nothing any of us can do now. I am feeling anxious tonight because I think the time has come that I need to talk to DD about her precious Grandma and what is going to happen. I want her to be prepared but I don't know what to say or how to explain it to her :( I just wish I didn't have to. She knows her Grandma is sick, but she keeps talking about 'when she gets better'...I need to tell her that Grandma's not going to get better :(

I hope I get a half decent night's sleep tonight, I reeeeeally need it.

Willow This might sound silly but do you think a book might help DD understand what you are trying to tell her about your Nan(her Grandma) Other than that just be totally honest and don't be afraid to answer her questions. I wish I could help make this time easier for you all :grouphug:
I'm sure your sister is feeling the distance right now too. Its hard when loved ones are interstate at these sad times :hug:

I hope the sleep fairies find there way to your house tonight ;)

Willow: it is such a difficult time :comfort: it's a struggle between wanting them to hold on and also not wanting to see those we love in pain. I think just tell DD
the most basic explanation. At her age she probably doesn't need much more. It must be so bloody tough :comfort:

Michelle: you are always always in my thoughts :comfort:

BBL for persies. Going to mum and dads to use the computer as opposed to typing on my iPhone.

Spring xx

ETA: lee: what a blooming scare DH gave you. So glad that he is ok. Looking forward to chatting later this evening ( or even during the day if I van get some quiet)

Hi girls,

Willow I'm sorry your nan has taken a turn for the worse, I hope she isn't in pain and can feel the love xoxo I have 2 most beautiful books on death for children - both given to me after DH died - one is called "Badger's Parting Gifts" - omg I read that absolutely balling to the kids, but it's message was incredible - Badger was old and had trouble walking.......... when he died he could feel himself starting to feel young again, he could walk, he could run down the long tunnel............ but mostly it was about the beautiful gifts he left his loved ones, the things he taught them - and although his friends were SO sad when he died, they learnt to smile again as they did the things Badger taught them and things that reminded them of their dear friend - honest it's one of the most lovely books I've ever read - you can get it on Amazon.

The other one - and this would be very appropriate for your babes - is "Grandma's Shoes" - about a little girl who looses her most treasured Grandma.....

Just a thought anyway hon xoxo

Girls - my DH is okay, it turned out to be a shocking stress migraine, apart from a sore head yesterday, he's back to work today.

Oh yeah, and you'll laugh at this - I WENT ON STRIKE THIS MORNING - yep, just didn't get out of bed - so over organising everything......... the world didn't stop or fall apart, still had to do everything when I got up - but maybe proved a small point???

BBL - got to organise the toddler!

Lee xoxo

Lee/Mako - My mum and I have been looking for books but haven't been able to find anything appropriate. Lee, I will check both of those books out this morning. L is at my MIL's for the morning he's going to the park with his cousins to feed the ducks (poor ducks :lol:) and D is sleeping so I have a bit of time to myself today.

I guess what I need to work out is exactly what I tell her. I believe that there is a 'God', and that when people pass from this life they go to a better place which I call Heaven and there they are reunited with all the loved ones that have passed before them. I have talked to DD about Heaven before. I'm just not sure if I should take the spiritual route (which I am more inclined to do, especially with a 5 year old) or the more scientific approach, a person dies, their body stops, they are buried and that's it. I am not comfortable with that because it's not what I believe. She is only 5, much too young to decide these things for herself so I guess I share with her my beliefs and when she is mature enough she will come to her own :dunno:

Mako - Thankfully D had the best night he's had all week last night. I fed him before I went to bed, he woke once and had a quick feed and then slept till 6.30am. I'm feeling better for it today! I noticed he has cut one of the four teeth that are on their way so maybe that gave him a bit of relief :dunno:

Lee - A strike?! Brilliant!! :thumbsup: Hope you got your point across.

Willow - having just dealt with this discussion with DS I can tell you what we did. The difference is ours was unexpected and you still have time and the older person / unwell aspect.

DS was told that Daddy had died. He was in the sky and he was a star. Heaven is a complicated concept to explain to his age but he actually says Daddy is in heaven now - and I have no idea where it came from!! He also says goodnight to Caitlyn which, again, is not something I started.

We also did the practical discussion regarding Greg's body as we had a viewing and a burial. I described him as a snail (I'm sure he would have been thrilled) - sometimes the snail and the shell is there and sometimes there is just the shell. What we saw and put in the ground was Daddy's shell because Daddy was already in the sky.

I truly am happy to talk to you about what we (the royal "we" because it is just me now) did and said. Either call me or I can put it on here.

DS seems to be managing the concepts ok and so is DD which surprises me more. She looks to the sky when we ask her where Daddy is and she looks at the sky and voluntarily blows him a kiss each night. It is so very hard but nice to be creating a nightly ritual.

Hi girls

Michelle - I'm quoting one of your earlier posts. You were talking about your wee girl......

It took a couple of months for that connection to occur. For a while she was smiling at everyone else but not me. That hurt sooooooo much Then she smiled at me ............ and it seemed to flick a switch. Yes, she may die. Yes, she may be taken from me. But I could love her now and treasure the moments we have, because life is precious and even if I am scared, it is worth the risk.

It's interesting to take the time and turn around to see where you have been, and you were already very wise then. Love and hugs,

Lee xoxoxo

Michelle - Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me about this. I know it can't be easy :( Everything you have said has really helped. Especially the snail analogy - DD will GET that more than you can imagine, so thank you :hug:

How would you feel about a visit next week some time after your family have gone home? No pressure, I'm sure you have lots of friends around to support you atm and understand that you might also want some time with the children :hug:

Michelle - Hugs hun, I can't imagine how difficult it is for you.. breaks my heart that your gorgeous kids are without there daddy. You're doing a fantastic job of adjusting to your new life and we're all here for you! Hows OMAR going.. you must be geting a nice bumb now!?

Willow - Hugs.. what a difficult time. My Nana and Grandad are both starting to go downhill too and I'm so worried about loosing them, especially now that I'm so far away (they're in Perth obviously).. they miss Luke so much.

Lee - Hope you're doing ok.. I know it's been a difficult time for you too.

Mako - How you going? Hope you're body is starting to behave itself.

Lisa - How are your gorgeous girls going?

Jayne & Bun - Hope you had a great catch up the other day.. I can't wait to be in Perth.. how much longer are you there for Bun? We'll be there this time next week!!!

AFU - We're all doing ok.. still feeeling a bit unwell and tbh I'm still a little worried about everything. I know I shouldn't be.. the OB has given us the all clear but I can't help it.. only natural I guess. Luke and I went and had our flu needles today too.. that's probably what's making me worry, although both the GP and OB really wanted me to have it before we get on the plane next week... so it's done now and hopefully we don't get any side affects from it. Luke was brilliant and is now running around like a crazy man.. thanks to all the chocolate I let him have for being so brave! He even shared some with me because I was brave too.. so precious! He's actually been really good the last couple of days but I'm not holding my breathe.. we've been through such a rough time with his attitude lately... so frustrating.

Anyway I'm procrastinating now.. this house is a mess and I really need to get off my bum and do something about it. I just don't feel so great and need a nap.. maybe that's a better idea - LOL.

Kel xxx