:hug: hun, I'm another one who has lost it. A kiss and a cuddle will let her know you still love her then explain what she did was wrong and appologize for your behaviour. Kids are so forgiving.
Regards,
Dianne
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:hug: hun, I'm another one who has lost it. A kiss and a cuddle will let her know you still love her then explain what she did was wrong and appologize for your behaviour. Kids are so forgiving.
Regards,
Dianne
:hug: I'm so sorry your book got ruined. It's tough when something that we've been looking forward to and want to enjoy is destroyed. I would have been really angry too.
I try to tell my children that getting angry is ok. We all get angry sometimes but we can't let our anger hurt other people. I think it's best to apologise for what you did that you wish you hadn't done and then resolve to make tomorrow a better day.
As for how you learn to control something. I don't think you need to control your anger so much as acknowledge it and direct it somewhere that no-one (including you) gets hurt. If she is really pushing your buttons it's ok to give yourself a break from her. I find that going out to a park or something can help. I'm less likely to strangle them in public ;) Also things can seem better in the fresh air.
Learning the symptoms can help - if you always clench your fists when you start to get angry or feel your heart rate increasing use that as a sign that you need to step outside to cool down or scream into a pillow or lock yourself in the bathroom for a while. If you need to you can put Lifeline on speed dial and ring them for a rant about your children to blow off steam.
I think that since you already know that what you did wasn't a great reaction and you can probably sit down and rationally explain what you should have done instead, you're probably just dealing with a 'moment', rather than an entrenched behavioural issue on your part.
I've lost it with DD like that once or twice, but apologised pretty quickly, explained to her that I know what I did was wrong and that I would do my best not to ever do it again. Hug and move on. If you really think this is something that is happening often, then it's probably a good idea to go and talk to someone (your GP might be a good idea), but if it's a once-off, give yourself a break. None of us behaves perfectly all the time.
Also, if it's DD1 that seems to push your buttons more than the others, is there a way you could organise some one-on-one activities just with you and her? Strengthening your bond with her and giving her some time where she feels she has your undivided attention can't hurt!
:hug:
Hey nerd, I've felt this way at times too. I've never hit my kids, but I'll admit there have been times I've come close. A few months back I went through a particularly bad period and there was one day DS got me riled up and I envisaged myself backhanding him across the room. Not cool. I do yell when angry though, and that's also not good and something I'm working on.
A few ideas (if you want them - and PET is a great one to look into too)
I have a few triggers - I dont mean stuff hte kids do etc, but things within me that affect my ability to cope. Tiredness - think you probably can give a big tick for that one. Coffee - there's some chemical in it that affects adrenal function. I definitely notice a correlation between coffee and uncontrolled anger. Another one is lack of me time - we all need to unwind and get some recharge time. Very hard with a baby though - I'm already planning some me stuff for when DD is a bit older.
Next is moderating my reaction. Deep breath, count to 10 - it's an oldie and a goodie. I try to force myself to keep my voice down - whispering even.
And afterwards... because I'm human and I frack up still. I always apologise. If DS has done something wrong, then we can talk about that. But if I've done something wrong, then I need to acknowledge that and say sorry. That's what I want him to be able to do ultimately, you know? So I figure, even if I can't beahve well in teh first instance, at least I can set some sort of decent example. :dunno:
Sorry about your book. Were you able to repair it?
couldn't read this without giving you a huge hug. Wish i had some advice.
You're an awesome mum Mel. We all lose it sometimes. Miss M just knows how to rub you the wrong way. Is there any chance of some mummy DD1 time each week? When I lose it like that. I say sorry when we have both calmed down. I tell them I should not have smacked them. I tell them that doing whatever it was they did was wrong and made me sad and angry, but I should not have smacked them or yelled at them (or whatever I did wrong, lol!) Have a snuggle together and love her for a little bit and move on. You feel terrible for doing it. But I don't think you need professional help. If you're not a great mum, then neither am I.
Big hugs! We have all been there. Kids are so frustrating, more so with lack of sleep. You know what you did, just explain to DD that you are sorry and then explain why you reacted the way you did and what DD also did wrong. Kids don't hold a grudge:hug::comfort:
MissEm - WOW! Your posts are not helpful at all. :o:shakehead:
My second post wasn't directly aimed at the OP, but the person I quoted. I find what she suggested to be potentially harmful to young children. It's like saying to some one 'Im sorry, but...' it isn't a real apology and shifts the blame.:
I have lost my temper, but as an adult capable of controlling her feelings I was able to walk away from the situation. I don't blame my children for my actions, as they don't control my actions.
I commend the OP for realising she has an issue, I have no issue with that, I only hope she seeks help for both her and her children's sake. I'm sorry if my post hit a raw nerve for some, however I will speak up against advice and opinions I feel strongly against. I mean no offence to anyone, especially not the OP.
I was judging your response, if anything, not the OP.:
Oh Mrs Nerd, I hear ya. Especially on the book - I wrote a post a while ago where my DD tore a page out of a book intentionally and I cried too. I feel your book-lover-pain.
I've also lost it a few times recently with DD. I apologise to her afterwards and have a big cuddle.
Definitely look into PET... I've thought about it but our church is running a parenting course in term 4 so we are going to go to that instead. Sometimes you just need a fresh perspective, a new take on things and some new strategies to try.
:hug:
:hug: chick.
We're going through the same thing right now. DD & DS are pushing my buttons daily and I have snapped a few times lately. Such bad Mummy moments but when they don't let up, it can all come out. DD has been spending a fair bit of time in her room lately as it's easier for me to deal with her that way. I am someone who can rant and rant and rant.... so if she's in her room for a bit it usually calms us both down and we can deal with things again. I then go into her room which she has destroyed and clean it up.
Anyway, just wanted to put my little bit in so you know you're not completely on your own :hug:
:hug: Mrs NB. I know exactly how you feel ... I hate it that some days nothing feels like it belongs to me. It's so hard :(
I agree about reading PET ... there are so many good strategies in there. I was really skeptical at first, but the more I have used it, the more that it has worked, the more I am encouraged to keep trying new things from the book. Of course, it hasn't solved all our problems and I still lose it sometimes :redface: Being a mum is hard work!
I think that if you say sorry to your DD1 and tell her the things you said in her about how you were feeling and that you don't feel good about what happened, it would probably help you both feel better. Maybe she could help you mend the book too - she might need to do something to help get past it too.
I don't know ... I'm just figuring this whole parenting thing out as I go along as well. It's not easy, but you are a great mum. Your kids love you and there is no doubt that you love them.
Huge gentle :hug: I hope your afternoon is better.
Here's a good start if you get some quiet time to fit in some clips. There's lots that can help you in the emotional growth and development forums. I know it might sound a bit airy fairy, but when I am off track with my emotions taking over, it helps to put me back on track. If you would like some other suggestions let me know. But the more personal development I have done, the more my patience and tolerance has grown, the less angry I get, the more calm I am overall... no matter what situation I am in and how hopeless it seems.
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...s-work-165345/
Big hugs Hun xx
I've gotten really angry with DS before and smacked him a couple of times because he'd been a **** all day and he did one thing to just irk me more and that's when I snapped.
:hug::hug: I've been reading the dramas you've been having and all I can offer is hugs :comfort:
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - even though I should be cleaning ;)
Big hugs. You have so much on your plate with four kids, selling your home, no me time etc. Its no wonder your stressed and totally lost it. Nobody is perfect and sometimes one little thing can set you off.
If ever I get to the point where I feel out of control with my kids I take a deep breath, count to ten and go outside into the backyard. If I still am reeling I go to a spot where the kids cant see me and throw a brick as hard as I can against the grass (multiple times if necessary), this really helps me get the anger out. Then when I have calmed down I go inside and face the situation with a level head. Perhaps its a strategy that might help?
I hope today is a better day for you.
Big hugeeeeee hugs. :hug:
We all have days we're not proud of, I know I have. It's so frustrating and hard some days.
xox
I lost it in a similar fashion at DD either yesterday or the day before. i felt horrible. she did something, i have been feeling crappy - and i simply didn't have the ability to put up the "i'm not going to react like this" filters. she was in tears, i was in tears. it felt awful. totally awful. i have put a lot of time into trying to not be that person, and because of things going on at the moment, i just lost it
when we all calmed down, i gave her a cuddle and we talked. i explained to her that what i did was wrong and why. then we talked about what she did, and why that was wrong too.
it's not a case of "you're the adult, you are 100% responsible" - yes, you need to talk through what happened, admit that you were wrong, and deal with that - but your DD still did something wrong, and she needs to know that. she needs to know that ripping books/hitting the others or whatever else she has done is not acceptable and why. she is old enough to understand if you can talk to her
if you have the time (or can make it), yeah, you need help learning techniques to help you deal with the anger issues. but today, that's not possible - so you just have to deal with what has happened as effectively as possible - no blame, just accepting responsibility kwim??
i admire you opening up and reaching out for help hun. i was talking to someone on skype and fessed up cos i was a mess - i didn't make it to BB though. none of us are perfect, we all have triggers - and i guess you have found one that you now need to learn to "control".
massive hugs my friend
:hug: I can understand your frustration! At the moment I am weaning myself off steroids, and every time i drop a dose, for the next day or I am an emotional wreck and poor DS cops it- I do smack him occassionally. I am not going to deny that. But I will admit on these days he probably gets smacked over something he may not normally. My emotions are all over the place and I flip.
I think it is important to have a talk to her, but I also know she is 3 and she isnt really going to understand a whole deep and meaningful about your state of mind right now. I do think you do need to apologise, but i ASLO think she does need to know that what she did was wrong and inapproriate too. And that while acting out does get you attention, that she really needs to stop getting attention this way.
I dont know Mel.. I think maybe you may recognise that you may need some help, be it "proffessional" help (sorry that makes me think of someone carting you off in a straight jacket, and i dont think you need THAT) or maybe just some guidence and some tools to help you cope. But i think DD needs some help too, because even the most calmest relaxed person would lose it if they had a little person 24/7 going at them and everyone around them.
I hope things improve for you all soon mate, we are here to listen and hug and not judge xoxoxox