Please don't judge me - just need a place to vent

:hug: :comfort: I could have so easily left DS in those early weeks and also wondered when the 'baby bliss' was suppose to start. Those early weeks are sooo hard, sleep deprivation, crazy hormones and establishing bf and getting use to something that is so different to what you have ever done before on a 24/7 basis.

I second the football hold, it worked for us in those early weeks (for me it was the right side that was a bit bung) bf is hard work at first as you both learn how to do it together. We also used nipple shields for a week or so to help with the night feeds and to heal my nipples.

You have been given some great advice for things you can do and it seems all so overwhelming, try to take it one step, one feed, one meal, one drink at a time. If the MHN doesn't seem to hear your cry for help gather strenght from us and try someone else. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it does get better I promise too

:comfort: :comfort:

:hug: Nae I only wish there was some way to be prepared but it can be such a rollercoaster of tiredness, hormones and uncertainty. No one can know how we will cope with motherhood and the ones who tell you it's hard are usually the ones that have that condescending tone that makes you want to kick them in the head ;) You know the same ones whose kids were TT'd at 12 months old too...sorry I'm trying to make you smile :hug:

I would offer you a truckload of advice but I think most of it has been covered so what I will say is that it's alright and normal to be overwhelmed. Many have been there as have I.

I remember standing in the hallway bawling and feeling totally useless at 2am one morning and I can't remember why right now. I do remember for a while I was holding a screaming baby but I had to put him on the floor for a bit and we cried in unison till I got up off the floor and took him back to bed with me.

:hug:

:hug: hun you have got some wonderful advice here from all the wonderful BB girls. I can totally understand the frustration from having your baby refuse your breast, DS refused BOTH of mine & screamed the house down whenever I tried to feed him, I called ABA but the next meeting in my area was a month away & I couldn't afford a private LC at that point in time, so I ended up giving up & he was exclusively formula fed. Can I just suggest that if its possible for you that you hire a LC, I really wish I had've SOMEHOW found the money to do it. If you cant, well there are lots of support threads here & so many first hand advice which is very helpful aswell.

When DD was only a few weeks old I walked out & left her screaming in her dads arms, drove to the beach & sat there balling my eyes out. New mums get so much pressure put on them, some people have no idea how hard it can be, especially in those first 6 or so weeks. Dont beat yourself up hun, you're doing a wonderful job & there's no way anyone here is going to judge you!

It DOES get easier. I know that doesnt really help you right now, but it does.

:comfort: Hoping some of the advice given here helps you xoxo

:hug::hug::hug:
All my babes have prefered one side to the other and you will most likely find that you feel more comfortable getting her attatched to the side she prefers. I found that I was holding DS in a funny way then kind of moving him to my other hand and he felt like he was falling, so he would let go and cry.
I suggest lactation clinic at the hospital, they see how you are doing it and can suggest other ways etc, will also give DH a day to catch up on sleep and help with that night..its hard to be bothered but could make all the difference.
A sling or pouch is a life saver , Poppy prefered the pouch!!!
i know you really want to BF, and don't hate me or take this the wrong way...but sometimes for your own mental health wellbeing it is better to go to the bottle..you will know if it gets to that point..if you hate everything about BF and start to dread the next feed and sit waiting for it all to be over...
I am happy to come over, I can hold Shae carry her in my pouch and you can grab a few well earned moments of rest, we are away Friday till Tuesday, but if you let me know I can get the kids babysat...and no it s not too much!!! only to happy to help, I can do an overnight if needed with notice, I'ii even bring something baby BF friendly to eat..

Oh :hug: Nae, I remember feeling exactly how you are now!! I think it's extremely common. You think you know what it's going to be like but it's so much more!! It's totally normal to feel like that. I remember saying to DH "What have we done? We shouldn't have had a baby, we're not ready for this!!" But it was just because it's all so overwhelming. I also had issues with BF and that just made everything seem worse. You've been given some great advice in here. I agree, get a sling!! Get a fit ball!! See a LC!!

And most importantly it really DOES get a lot easier, even if it doesn't seem like it now :)
xx

Nae Nae, no extra advice but lots of support to you.

I'm a physio and our practice has a spare fit ball at the moment - if you would like to try one I can get it sent to you. If it works - keep it as a gift, one mother to another. If it's not your thing, then you can send it back to us, no worries.

I also spent lots of time crying in the shower...........sounds like a popular activity amongst many of us........

Big Hugs.. its certainly not an easy time and there is some fantasic advice here. You are certainly not alone.

I found the first five weeks to be horrible and I found the support from our Early Motherhood Service invaluable. It could be worth checking to see if your local hospital also provides this service. It is a free, home-based service.

Big huge squishy hugs! :hug: :hug:

Loads of great advice hon...hoping you have time to read it.

What trillian said was spot on - i think we've all been thru those times with a NB where we wished it was just DH and yourselves again...or even to be pregnant again...and not have to deal with the upset baby.
My 5mth old refuses my left side - never had this before. I do the football hold. Noticed at nightfeeds (when he still dreamy) he will take left side.
Wont repeat what is already been said. Just know your sooo not alone in all this....;)

First of all BIG HUGS. :hug:

Honestly I found the first 3 months extremely hard and really the first 6 months of my DD's life hard. I know that probably sounds like such a long time when Shae is still so young but it wasn't ALL bad and it did get easier as time went on. Just after 6 months things got a lot easier once my DD started solids and could move around more.

I didn't have much support and I really think motherhood is a time when we mothers really need all the support and help we can get. It is extremely hard!!

I'm going to repeat some of the advice others have given that really helped me too.

I saw an LC and talked to the ABA counsellors (1800 mum 2 mum) when I was having trouble BF. I also joined up with my local ABA group who were a great support. What about trying a new LC?

Trying different feeding positions might help. I agree the football hold was a great one for us, but it did take me a little while to get the knack of it. I also found it easier to feed her in the middle of the night from the side she didn't like as much. I think it worked because she was too tired to protest.

Your MCHN doesn't sound very helpful. I didn't like my MCHN either so I asked on BB and at my ABA meetings and found a new MCHN at a different centre who is so much more supportive. So that's an option too.

I used the MCHN line (13 22 29) and found that very helpful too.

A sling was a life saver for me. I had the hugabub and my DD would sleep in it as I walked around. I think she was nice and warm next to me and could hear my breathing and heart beat. All very comforting.

When I was having heaps of trouble with settling DD I organised Tweddle @ home, which really helped with settling and feeding issues. There are other people you can organise to come to your home or you can do day stays at hospitals.

I talked to my GP who decided that I wasn't PND but did suggest I talk to a counsellor which helped with coping strategies.

I started asking for help. It didn't always come unfortunately but when it did I always accepted it.

I got DH to take our DD as much as he could on weeknights and weekends so that I could have a break and have a sleep or shower or go for a walk or go for a drive. Those breaks always refreshed me, even if they were only 10 mins.

When home alone with DD I would sometimes put her in her pram, get my ipod, put the headphones on, turn the music on and just walk and walk and walk. That really helped me escape and DD would fall asleep. I always felt so refreshed afterwards - exercise gets the endorphins flowing.

It really does get easier. In those first few weeks the days seem to go forever and it seems like an end is not in sight but it DOES GET EASIER!!! Hang in there. If we can all go through it and make it to the other side so can you. :hug:

:hug: All the girls have given such wonderful advice i dont need to repeat it! But just sending you lots of love and support :hug: xxx

:

---

You would think after everything we have been through that I would be happy but I am beginning to question whether or not I have made a HUGE mistake. I have spent more time crying and feeling frustrated and screaming then I have in "baby bliss" I have no idea what I am doing and despite his best efforts to console me I feel like I am failing dismally.

---

Oh Nae - I just want to give you a big hug. The others have given fantastic practical advice, but just wanted to add that its completely OK and VERY normal to feel what you are feeling under the circumstances, and even though the journey to have your baby has been tough, it doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel whatever you feel. I know from personal experience that I felt I should be grateful just be be a Mum after our IVF experience, but just because you had a tough or long journey to get there, it doesn't mean you just have to 'suck up' the tough time you are having.

The beginning is bloody tough (there are always gonna be tough parts to be honest), I hope Shae settles and your BF issues come to and end so you can enjoy your baby, vent away, no one will judge, just support you

Naomi

Shae's got a lot to learn - things are only going to get better.
Try taking her for a walk outside whenever you can - you'll feel a bit better for getting out, the screaming will be less than it is inside a house, and the movement may even help her sleep!
You may find that she is happier with her head elevated a bit - either by putting a wedge under her mattress or using a sling (though that can be a bit tricky when they are tiny and floppy and feel so fragile).
Is she happier in the bath? If so then move bathtime to whenever she is grumpiest!
And above all - hang in there. Ask for whatever help people can give. And look after you - make sure you eat and get a bit of exercise and as much sleep as you can.
hugs
Kate

:hug: :hug: It's bloody hard.

I couldn't get bf to work properly for the first six weeks either and was expressing, comp feeding and taking motillium to try to build up supply. And crying lots. At my 6 week check up, the paed said it was no wonder I was having difficulty as DS had a recessive chin, which made sucking difficult, and a blocked nose. He also said I deserved a gold medal for trying so hard but it wasn't sustainable. It was such a relief to hear that because to that point I felt like such a failure. Then after the two-month vaccinations, DS started screaming at the bottle. We had to bf. He also preferred the left side but I discovered lying down to feed him worked to get him to take the other side. And when we went out, I'd always take a pillow. We're still bf and he's 14 months now.

I hope you find something from all our posts that helps. Just wished I lived closer so that I could offer more IRL support. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

I won't repeat everything everyone else has said, :) just offering big hugs :hug: :hug:

NaeNae :comfort:

Huge congratulations to you for the birth of your beautiful girl!

Please DO NOT let yourself feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed and not having all those lovey dovey positive feelings about early motherhood and having your baby. I have been there and it led me to an awful place that I am still coming out of now.

From all the posts and beautiful support here you can see just how normal it is to find motherhood - especially at the beginning - the most difficult thing you've ever done. What makes it even harder is when you go through so much to have your LO, you honestly cannot help but end up with a picture in your head when you're waiting waiting waiting during your pregnancy of the bliss and happiness you will be in when you finally have your baby in your arms after so much heartache and all the waiting. It's completely understandable - and then when it isn't like that at all in reality it just feels so incredibly hard to manage, but also on top of that, you feel you are betraying the wonderful feelings you were expecting and all that you went through to have your baby.

But you're not. You're a beautiful human mummy. Who is fighting to do everything she can to give her precious baby comfort, nourishment and love. You are a success because of this. You are doing the best you can, Nae, and this is you being the mother you can be. You are WONDERFUL. The advice here is sooooo very good - I hope that all the suggestions can give you the tools you need.

One other thing I thought might be worth mentioning is that your letdown may work differently between your two breasts and this might be what is upsetting her. I know a PP suggested that your letdown might be too strong, but it could be the other way also. In the first few weeks when I was getting breastfeeding established I always had one side where my letdown was different (it took longer and wasn't quite as forceful) and it took my DD quite a bit of time to get used to this. She often wasn't at all happy that it was taking too long for the milk to flow compared to the other side and she was a smart one (as all our LO's are!) and would often flat out refuse the "slower" side.

Can I suggest hand expressing from the side she won't take before you try putting her on - just a little bit until you get your letdown happening, and see if she will go on then? Try squeezing a little into her mouth also as you put her towards the breast so she knows the milk is there ready to go. Remember to relax your arms and shoulders - the more tension the longer your letdown may take (yes, it will always come eventually, but sometimes it can take a long time when you're tense!) and take some lovely deep, calm breaths when you go to try that side, even though it's so very hard when you have the screaming banshee act happening.

I know you've got a mountain of suggestions to work through here, but I thought it was important to suggest something that helped me when I was dealing with one-sided refusal.

And TALK hun. Keep talking. Talk about how you are doing, talk to everyone here. Don't think that you don't have a right or shouldn't express what you're going through.

:hug:

More :hug: :hug: :hug: from me Nae. I understand the feeling of pressure for everything to be perfect straight away. I tried to think of it as a new job - in any new job I would always give myself at least three months to find my feet and develop some confidence. Until then I just took it one day at a time and tried to learn as much as I could. You'll get through this babe, every single tiny thing you work out together will bring you closer to each other. In the meantime, take care of you, and let DH take care of you too.
:hug: :hug: :hug:

Nae, you poor thing. I think you are doing a great job to keep on trying to BF.
I have no advice for the BF but for general sanity ... when Shae is screaming, can you give her to DH and go outside and hang with your horses (or somewhere you can't hear her)? I know I get more and more upset when Poppy cries. Then when you go back inside DH can take a break away from the crying.
Or maybe your inlaws could come and take the baby for a walk outside so you and DH can have some peace.
One of my aunts told me last night that she thought it was good to let babies cry for a while because they tire themselves out and they sleep better. I don't agree with this but her two girls and her two granddaughters seem happy enough now (aged 31, 31, 2 and 3).

P.S. You know my boobs didn't work at all so we're FFing. Can I just say that when I was struggling in the first two weeks I felt SO much more myself after a couple of good night's sleep, when DP got up to do the night feeds. He even took her to another room and shut the door so I wouldn't hear her cry.

Nae, I have been thinking of you lots :hug:. I hope things are sorting themselves out. Please know that we are all here for you :hug:

:hug::hug::hug:

Nae: Hope things are settling down for you..this is the toughest time and I can only offer it will get easier. I have a friend who has a ' let down' problem in her left breast and she says that he feeds ok off it at night when he is half asleep and doesn't realise.

The advice Acacia has given you sounds right on the money and also very wise.

I had a pretty horrendous time with Ben when he was a newborn as it was my first time too and the milk just didn't seem to come in for a while so I can see exactly where you are coming from and I can feel how you are feeling..my OB told me she had a lady who's milk didn't come in for 11days after giving birth! I also have a friend who is exclusively expressing and bottlefeeding the expressed because her baby want latch at all..take heart Nae, it will get better.

If it get's too much just pop her down in her cot or hammock, make a coffee or tea and go for a walk on your beautiful property and let her have a cry while you take 5..and keep posting! We have missed you in the babies due thread and I was hoping everything was ok.


Take care Nae

Heather
xxxxxxxxx

Has anyone heard from Nae? I have been thinking of her lots, and hope that everything is okay.....

I have been thinking of her too, hope she's ok.

I was wondering how she was feeling now too?? :hug:

hi there.. i havent read through the whole thread but i was wondering if you had tried taking your bubba to see an osteopath or chiropractor? I had a similar issue with DD#1 and took her to a chiorpractor and she was a new kid - there was a rib on her left side thatwas slightly out of line and she wouldnt feed on the right side due to that!

how's everything going nae?
everyone has given such great advice so i won't repeat what people have been saying. just wanted to add that my ds2 was a complete nightmare for the first 4 months of his life...and i could not have gotten through it without a Hug-a-bub sling. it's not for everyone, but it was a complete life-saver for my son.
i hope things have gotten a bit better for you, please let us know if there's anything we can do. xoxo

I SMS'ed her late last night. Will post if I hear from her, if she hasn't posted first.

HI Evereyone

Thanks so much for all of your advice and thoughts.

Things are not going so fantastically still. I have been back in hospital where it was suggested that I simply express and bottle feed Shae so that we get "some enjoyment" out of her.

I tired for one feed but it was simply horrible watching my baby feed from a bottle and I felt just like a dairy cow (sorry no offense intended for those who EBM exclusively) I felt like such a failure.

I have had the LC out at my house and wouldn't you know it Shae feed perfectly from BOTH sides while she was out. I went into the BF clinic and finally someone else saw just what the feeding was like when the banshee takes over my baby.

We do think it is a bit more of a supply issue with the right side so in between a couple of day time feeds I am expressing for 10 min just to try yo boost it.

DH have been fighting no end which has increased the anxiety in the entire house hold and I am still feeling so emotional all of the time.

My parents have been less than supportive, after an incredibly tiring day Mum was working out this way and asked if it was ok to pop in. I said NO and told her we were out at the clinic all day and were going to be tired and need time that evening to rest etc. So she said how a neighbour had given her a present for Shae and she would just drop that in ...... Fine ........ I was in bed, I did get up to go to the toilet but I went straight back to bed because I was so exhausted (rather than going out to say hi and make small talk, Shae had also been difficult getting settled). Then I get a phone call from Dad asking me to call him back, I did and I copped an ear full about how selfish I am being and how terrible my attitude towards my mother is ......... I just told him to firetruck off and hung up on him - as if things were not stressful enough.

Anyways Its been an incredibly difficult week, I know some of you have sent me messages etc I really appreciate everything I am just so tired and deflated I barely have the energy to type this.

Must go and try to catch 40 winks before bub wakes hopefully we start to have some good nights and good feeds soon.

oh forgot - we're off to the drs tomorrow as well so we will be discussing pnd amongst a few other things ........ I honestly do love my baby and my husband deep deep down, I just cannot stand being around them when we're all tired and crying and angry all the time.

Love and greatful hugs all round

Nae x

Nae - firstly, more hugs hun. you sound like you really need them at the moment.

you did the right thing telling your parents to go jump - this time is not about them. you're a new mum, you're trying to adapt to your new life, you have all these people convinced you won't cope and that's adding more pressure than you should be dealing with. just focus on yourselves right now. if you have developed PND, you'll get treatment. that's what the doctors are there to help you with.

my offer still stands hun - at any time. i know right now the last thing you'll be thinking of is having visitors, which i completely understand - but if you just need an ear, an extra set of arms, whatever, let me know. it can be very stressful when the only people you're seeing are too close to the situation and you can't let off steam due to them getting offended at things that you are just venting about

i am here, as is the rest of BB - anytime you need it

more hugs for you and Shae

BG

Oh god Nae, you sound totally normal!!! If you thrived in such an environment I would be worried ;). Of course you love your family, but this is a rough time you guys are going through. It's understandable that you don't feel over the moon.

Good on you for sticking up for yourself and your needs with your parents. Keep on being strong hun :hug:. And I totally hear what you're saying about the expressing thing.......I had to express as well as BF for months, and that was okay. But when it was suggested that I express and then feed the EBM instead of breastfeeding, well, we only lasted one feed too :). It just felt so wrong, I know you understand what I mean. Hun, these people may be well-intentioned, but they obviously don't understand how important it is to you to be able to breastfeed your bubba. It sounds as though you have a good plan now though, and I hope that it helps things. If it doesn't, please don't feel discouraged, there will be something else out there that helps :hug:.

Thinking of you hun, and sending you lots of strength and support xoxo

More hugs from me too hun :hug: It might not seems like it just yet, but you really are doing a fantastic job hun :hug: I hope things get easier really soon :hug:

:hug: Thinking of you Nae and DH. Just do what you need to and if that is retreating to your nest to sleep then so be it. I echo that this isn't about others, it is about you.

:hug:

I hope the days to come get easier for you ~ all the best :hug:

I just wrote a huge post and lost it! :wall:

I wont go into everything again, but I just wanted to give you a heap of :hug: and tell you, you are not alone, this is completely normal and nobody could judge you for it. I'm sorry your parents are being so insensitive, that must make things even harder, not having them as back up.

I hope the Dr's went well for you and you got some real help. Getting help woth pnd should get you and DH back up again and help you feel more confident as parent. You are doing a great job even though it may not feel like it when your beautiful baby girl is crying non stop. :hug:

When I was finding things tough I found Tresillian to be a life saver! I called the hotline and spoke to the nurse for about an hour and she never rushed me. She talking through everything with me, listened, made some suggestions and some referals and I felt a heap better for it afterwards!!! It is a 24 hour hotline and they recommend ringing when bubby is unsettled so they can have a listen at their cry, but you ring (if you choose to) when ever it best suits you. I hope it's ok I post the number on here, its 1800 637 357. I don't know if thats just NSW and if it is there would definately be a similar thing where you are, but the number still may work anyway!

I wish you all the very best with it all. Parenthood is not easy by any means, I do hope you get to enjoy your little one more and more as she starts feeding and sleeping better for you. Just remember you are doing a great job, as is DH.

P.S My DD didn't like my left boob :rolleyes: luckily she got over that after a while! I always wondered what the difference was?!

Heres another :hug: Thinking of you

:hug: Nae, I'm here if you need anything - motherhood is a tough gig and the first weeks are extra tough when you are getting to know each other and you have hormones going all over the place. I hope the Dr can help (and you are right keeping those away from you who aren't helping at all - like your mother).

:hug: Hang in there Nae - when I first had my babies I had family in just to change nappies and just bring bub to me for feeds on the days where I barely coped. If you need that, don't hesitate to take people up on offers and ask for help, people remember what those early days are like.

One day at a time. xo

Nae, big hugs from over in the West too!!! My god hon, you sound like I did in the first few weeks. Rest assured what you're going though is completely normal. I know it doesn't make you feel that much better when you feel so low and exhausted though.

I had to express and feed DD EBM as I had a low supply and she wasn't gaining enough weight. I know exactly what you mean about expressing and giving your DD a bottle. I hated it too. Our breastfeeding journey has been a bit of a nightmare to be honest but we did get there eventually but it did take a good 7 weeks (as I had SO many other BF issues but I won't go there!) and lots of determination and support. My family, friends and my brilliant LC were my saviours. I'm not sure I'd go through it all again but it has been amazing to finally get it together.

I had to resort to formula top ups as well at EBM as I wasn't producing enough milk to always top up with EBM. I was always comfortable with formula but I'm even more so now. DD is more than happy to have it and boy has it helped us as I'm a lot less stressed as I'm not constantly worried about getting DD down for a nap so I can express between feeds. She only has about one top up of formula a day now but that is still A-OK with us. She has it after her last breastfeed for the day and nods off for 10 hours so we definitely aren't complaining.

Anyway, not saying you should use formula but I just wanted you to know that it's surprising what you will do and work out together. You will get there, have faith hon.

You are doing an amazing job and all your emotions are very normal and so common with new mums. You're not alone hon, we are all here for you on BB and so are your friends and family (well, besides your parents by the sounds of it - LOL!). You are doing the right thing getting help from a LC and the doctor too. Good on you.

Hang in there hon, it honestly does get easier. I doubted all the BB girls when they told me that but hey, they were right ;)

Nae, great big hugs. Sounds like you need lots of them at the moment. It's a scratchy time when your emotions are all over the place - at least you can say you've just had a baby and your hormones are all over the shop - what's with everyone else's issues? Was the same here, except I just had my mother to help out and didn't even see DP until Matthew was seven weeks old. It was a twin edged sword having my mother staying with me. I needed her help because I'd had a c/s but at one point she was telling me that I would "never" be able to bf if I didn't keep trying (I was struggling with DS not latching properly, trying to express and feeling bad about giving ff top ups). I responded with letting her know that she was making me feel like a failure and a bad mother so she retaliated with the threat that she'd bring her flight back to Hong Kong forward and leave me to it. It was truly horrible...

I'm glad you've been getting some extra assistance, you ARE doing a wonderful job and you ARE a wonderful mummy. You will get through this time. Call on your friends to help you. Don't try to struggle your way through on your own. All new mums need support. :hug:

Nae, I hope that seeing your GP gives you some relief from how you are feeling - even just being upfront about what you're going through, being able to see it logically through your GPs eyes for a moment and assess what you can do to help yourself with their support can make such a difference. I'm so glad you're doing all the things you can to get the support and help you need - both for yourself and your DD's feeding.

If you want someone to talk to who's gone/going through PND please please don't hesitate to PM me, hun. I was so overwhelmed and felt that I was the only person who could help myself in the early days, and I isolated myself so badly that way, so I want you to know that it's really important that you find other people and talk to them about their experience so it can help normalise your own experience and give a little perspective.

I hope the feeding issues improve - I know it so hard to be in the moment, taking one feed at the time, but you must remember that it won't always be like this - things WILL improve. You baby girl is changing and getting bigger all the time and she will get the hang of things more and more as time goes on. You're both learning. Expressing from the side that is causing problems sounds like a great idea, and I hope you see it working before too long.

Big hugs, Nae. Just take it one moment at a time hun, everyone is here for you :hug:

you poor darling. you must be stressed out of your tree, if you think other mums are going to judge you! nothing could be further from the truth.

lots of us have been where you are now, and i can remember (blurrily) feeling SOOOO overwhelmed in those early months.

baby can't verbalise anything to you, you're trying to guess why they're crying, no-one is getting any sleep and the sleep deprivation really drives you over the edge.

i desperately wanted to bf too, but for the first three months, i cannot say it was pain free for me. i have no idea what changed at three month mark, maybe she got better at sucking, and i got better at holding and relaxing, but it took us three months to build up the bf-ing relationship (establishment of bf-ing).

i hope you take up Brigsy's kind offer, i reckon you could do with a friendly face around.

i had some pretty judgemental health professionals that i saw early on, that really made me doubt myself. i'm sure there are good ones too, (good and bad in every profession) but i seemed to strike the ones that saw formula feeding as normal and bf-ing as "give up at first hurdle" type attitude - which is not what i needed.

it IS hard to find medical people with bf-ing expertise. the ABA and private LC's were the best i found. and posting in the bf-ing section of this forum.

i also had my own personal cheer squad, of seeing the ABA calendar pic each day in my kitchen on the wall, and reading the ABA magazine (from cover to cover) each two months "Essence", i love reading that. So real.

Getting to know your bub, and what to do with a new bub, is a HUGE learning curve. It's hard to learn ANYTHING when you're tired and stressed, so it's a big ask.

It takes time to work out what you need, and then to actually ask for it.
Prune everything back to basics.
Are you getting enough food and drink into YOU each day?
Do you sit down to breastfeed with a "essentials box", so that you have
- water
- snacks
-phone
- remote
- pen and paper
- something to read
- lip balm or whatever you like
- breastpads
- spare nappy to mop up spills
etc
at an arms reach?

if you're not getting to eat lunch, ask your dh to make you a packed lunch each day, waiting for you in the fridge. Or tupperware containers full of bite sized snacks, cut up veg suitable for eating with dip - something you can help yourself to one handed, with baby in one arm.

think of ONE THING each day, you would like to do, to feel like YOU again.

it can be something as simple as "having a shower".

let your parnter know what your ONE THING is, so they can help you achieve it.

even if your partner is at work all day, that's 8 hours they are NOT dealing with the demands of a nb, so don't feel guilty asking for help.

the chiro idea and the sling ideas are great. another thing is baby hammocks to sooth baby to sleep. i wish i had hired one of those for the first few months. Some babies get diagnosed with colic (vague term) and being in the hammock helps that.

a stranger in a chemist mentioned about gripe water to me early on, so i tried it on my nb (for unexplained crying). About three mins after giving her the gripe water, her tummy would gurgld, she would poop noisily (LOL) and then breathe a big sigh and start smiling. So i learnt, she needed a bit of help, to sometimes poop.

all trial and error. Try things, keep doing whatever works.

trying to help a nb, when they can't tell you what's wrong, you're continually trying to be creative, thinking up what COULD be wrong, (when usually very tired), it's an exhausting thing to keep doing 24 hours a day.

whilst pregnant, you can pretty much sleep when you want
baby arrives, suddenly it's often a few snatched hours of broken sleep
HUGE ADJUSTMENT

i bet you're doing alot better than you realise, you're just too tired to notice

big hugs to you, it IS hard work.

the blissed out breastfeeding took ages to happen for us, it did come, just alot later than i expected.

:hug: Nae, you are having a really tough time right now and I hope you come through it soon.

Do the best you can and ask for any help/advice that you need. This WILL pass and you WILL feel better (and so will Shae). And FWIW, I think you're a star to be persisting with bfing, your determination will certainly get you there in the end. :hug: