Please don't judge me - just need a place to vent

Big hugs Nae :hug:. This is such a rough time atm, I've been there too. I remember not long after having DS1, I was struggling to eat my dinner while holding/settling him, I was exhausted and my hormones were going crazy. I said to my DH, "What were we thinking?!" and I was deadly serious. It's OK and it's normal to feel this way. There are so many adjustments to your life and keeping your bub happy is HARD work in the early days.

You really don't need the stress from other people right now :hug:. I swear the older generation forget how hard those first weeks are, where you are in survival mode and can't think about anyone else or their feelings. I guess the reason they forget is that it is over pretty quickly, it feels like FOREVER when you are going through it, but soon you will look back and realise it didn't take all that long to get through it. Like others have said, it does get much easier over time, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

If you need anything Nae, please don't hesitate to ask, if I can do anything then I'm happy to help. If you want the number of a brilliant paediatric chiropractor, I can help. It really is worth considering if you are still struggling with settling Shae, they have a lot of success with settling babies :). DD recently refused to feed from my left side and she was very unsettled. I took her to our paediatric chiro and we found out her neck was out. After two visits she is back to her happy self and feeding well from both sides.

I'm thinking of you :hug:.

NaeNae, I felt EXACTLY the same way emotionally that you're feeling right now. It was absolutely the hardest time in my life. And I felt I had no-where to turn.
I always saw myself as an extremely maternal person and thought I'd take to motherhood like a duck to water, but when bub came along I too thought I'd made a huge mistake.

Finally at 11 weeks someone took notice of me and my baby was diagnosed with reflux. What a relief. My baby was treated for the reflux and was finally more settled. But that was half the battle I was still having a tough tough time, and I ended up being diagnosed with PND. It was a huge relief to finally understand why I was feeling the way I was and it allowed me to start taking steps to make myself feel like me again and to build a bond with my daughter.

I am no expert on the BF side of things. My bub didn't take well because my milk never cae in properly so I was comp feeding by day 5 and she was totally on formula by 3 weeks. mainly becasue I had no support with the breastfeeding.

And I'm not saying you have PND, but I just want you to know you're not alone. We don't all have blissful babymoons. I certainly didn't.

And I can promise you that it will get better.

Hang in there and big :hug: to you.

Hi Nae, I just read this in an article on another website:

... in terms of guilt, be comforted that all mothers do their best in relation to raising their babies. “There’s more to mothering and a relationship with a child than just how we feed it,” she says. “The most important thing is that a mother feels supported and valued. So irrespective of whether she decides to breastfeed or not she shouldn’t feel guilty – I’m sure that she will be a great Mum either way.”

I am thinking of you, hoping things are gradually getting easier. I remember you said once you wouldn't beat yourself up about what kind of birth you had. Try not to beat yourself up about feeding/mothering either. :comfort:

Wow,
Much love and hugest thanks to everyone for your support well wishes and for sharing all your own stories.
It seems that we have weathered the worst (hopefully) of the storm and things are starting to feel somewhat normal in a new/lack of sleep kind of way.

DD has had a bout of wind so that has made a few nights pretty aweful but now that we know what it is thats upsetting her it makes dealing with her crying and constant waking somewhat easier.

BF is still an issue but not the same one that we had earlier, now it seems she won't attach properly on either side especially when I am very full and the poor dear practically chokes down the first few mouthfuls. She makes this funny slurpy/sucky kind of sound every now and then but its not painful nor does it alter the shape of the nipple so I am assuming its just because I am full ?? :dunno:

We still don't have much of a routine so I never know what the next day will bring but we are now focusing on one feed at a time and one day at a time and it seems to work a little for our own sanity rather than planning ahead.

Still limiting visitors though we are just starting to venture out a little bit but thats more my comfort that impedes outings as I am not confident with the BF thing and Shae has a tendency to want to look around when there are noises.

Anyways,

Thats my update, hopefully I will be able to get back in here a bit more as life starts to normalize with our new addition.

Thanks again to everyone I have been reading the updates but have not had much chance to get back in here to respond as I sleep as much as I can.

Love to all and massive massive thank you to everyone I wish I could bulk rep points to say thanks to all.

Nae x x x x x

I'm glad things are settling down a little for you Nae :). Don't even worry about a routine right now, what you are doing is perfect, just taking each day as it comes. My DD has only really started her own little routine now that she's 3.5 months!

Re: wind pain - have you tried anything for it like Infacol? This worked a treat with DS2 and DD. Otherwise Brauer Colic Relief is great (all natural) and I've heard others recommend Infant's Friend. Another thing that helped my DD when BF'ing her was to stop every 5 minutes and burp her, then put her back on. It stopped the really big air bubbles from forming. After I took DD to our paediatric chiro her wind issues settled right down within 3 days. Luckily this is something that will pass as Shae's little system gets used to digesting food.

I'm guessing the gulping etc, is because of a fast let-down? This happened with DS2, lying down while feeding is meant to help, but I couldn't do this with DS2 so I positioned him on a pillow so he was has higher than my nipple (if that makes sense?) which stopped him from choking.

Thanks for keeping us updated, you're doing a wonderful job :hug:.

nae, im glad things are getting slightly easier. you are doing fantastically and you are doing all the right things. take care and speak soon huni xxxxx

:hug: Nae, sounds like you are figuring out how to do things your way, doing what works for you and Shae. It will get easier and the bfing issues can be resolved. Have you seen anyone about them?

:hug: hun, glad to see you in here!!

Nae,

So pleased that things are improving - slowly - all these things take time as you get to know eachother and work out how things work for you and bub.

I am sure very soon you will be looking back on this time and feeling so proud of yourself for getting through the fog. I am so proud of you !

You are doing a marvellous job ! :clap:

Thinking of you.

Take care
xoxo

I'm just reading this with a little tear in my eye :) It's so lovely to see the support and advice everyone has... plus I can vividly remember how difficult it was with S to begin with, and how exhausted I was, and how much of an adjustment it was for us to go from two to three.

I'm glad to hear things are looking better for you Nae :hug:

Hi Nae, I've just come upon this thread and just wanted to give you big :hug: It was so hard for us at the beginning too...took ds about 12 solid weeks before we started to come around with BFing...the advice given here was a lifesaver for me... and i also found something that made positioning ds easier when attaching was the "breast friend" feeding pillow. hang in there!!