When is there time for ME?????

[FellowTraveller]

Hi... I am wondering how other mums manage their time. I have a nearly 10 mth old DD. On the whole she is a good baby but I just feel like I have lost myself. I have no time to undertake any hobbies anymore, I gave up work, I gave up my studies (i was doing my Phd), I no longer can go shopping for 'me' with ease, I am forever cleaning, forever doing things for others (washing, folding clothes, wiping things, putting things away blah blah blah - you get the picture!). When she sleeps in the afternoon I am often catching up on phone calls or emails - or other things that are difficult to get done when she is awake. After she goes to bed would be ok if I wasn't so tired. On weekends when I could unload on to my husband - he has to study! So I am back to square one.
I am really struggling. It was suggested to me that maybe putting my DD in creche for 1 day a week may relieve that stress....but you know - I'd feel so guilty doing this! I think I'd feel like I was unloading her - like she was a burden. My life is one big routine in which I am always fighting to get time in for me. What do others do????

[aussienic]

I'm hearing ya! this is what is going through my mind this week.. The only time I get ME time is when all the kids are in bed but by then I am to tired to enjoy it

During the day when dd is asleep I get the boys to have a rest and I take 30 mins to just sit and do nothing..

Maybe when your DD is asleep just sit and don't think about housework ect.. Take that time for yourself

[paradise lost]

I run.

I put her in her jogger buggy, i put all my stresses and worries and frustrations directly at my heels and then i get out in the park and i run away. If i do it 4 times a week i stay *just* ahead of them.

I'm a single mum, i know how it feels when it's all on your plate and your plate is spilling all over the table and onto the floor and you know it's you who'll have to clean it up...

Put her in the creche hun. It doesn't have to be for a full day. Find a gym or leisure centre with a creche, check out the staff and make sure you're comfortable with it all, then book her in for an hour or two and go for a sauna, or a swim, or hit the gym or whatever. Sit in the cafe and read a book!

She is NOT your burden, she is your JOY and you have a right to that joy. Taking a break is not an option it is a NECESSITY. If DH can't take a turn to give you time off then you pay for your break if you have to but you TAKE YOUR BREAK.

Your DD is too small to tell you that she would prefer a happy mummy to a 24/7-non-stop-even-when-it's-killing-her mummy, so i'm telling you instead.

and loves

Bx

[fionas]

I agree. We all know that in theory if we have some 'me' time, it's good for us and it's good for our baby/child/children.

In practice, it's a bit harder to coordinate or to achieve without feeling guilty.

But when I've gone off to a cafe for an hour with a (semi)trashy mag, I am SO much more refreshed when I come back. I've had time to read articles, time to think about them and after a glass of wine time to rewrite them in my head and imagine telling my friends about them. I'm a different person when I get home and I have stuff to share with DP either about what I've read or what I've had to eat, what the service was like, who was in there etc.

It sounds trivial but life is made up of little things like this.

Last night I went to the pub and caught up with people I hadn't seen for ages. Today, I feel lighter. I can reflect on what we talked about, funny things I said, funny things they said. It makes bottles and nappies seem much more do-able because today they aren't my sole focus.

So I think do try the creche option and just see how you go. Unfortunately, it's up to us to create that 'me' time which just adds to things we have to do but no-one is going to create that time for us so we have to do it ourselves.

[Willow]

I agree, you need to make that time for yourself, no one else is going to do it for you.

I've been much better about it this time around because (a) life is more hectic with 2 little ones and (b) I learnt last time that if you don't, you start to lose yourself.

You'll be amazed at how much difference even an hour can make. I am very lucky that my DH works long hours during the week but he's home on weekends, so I make the best of that time. I am breastfeeding so I can't be away for a long ime, but if I plan it right, I can be away from one feed till he's due for the next, so about 2.5-3 hours. Today I'm going to get my hair done and I can't wait!!

If I didn't have DH around I would put them in a creche or care of some sort, just to get a break. And like Bec said, it doesn't have to be all day.

You're a mum first and foremost but you're still a person and deserve some time to yourself to do something you enjoy! It's cliche but it's true - healthy, happy mum = healthy, happy baby!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

When DS was 11m old I told DH to take him out on the afternoon. That was the first break I had, aside from DH watching DS for 15 minutes so I could shower once a month (the other times DS was in with me and he HATES the shower). The only reason I did this was because I was going back to work and DH was going to have DS one afternoon a week so I could work.

Now I see work as my "me" time! I can sit down with a hot drink, have a laugh with the other lass in my office and not think about my DS, or how to keep him entertained. I also have book club once a month, two hours where DS is asleep and DH has him. But that has only been in the last two months.

I will be honest, nursery has been good for DS. Really good. He's walking more, interacting with other children more... he's not over-keen on it but he will be. And I need to work (money, not sanity!). If I'd had my way he'd be at home with me full-time still, but nursery has been good for him. Knowing this, I'd be at home full time with DS in a good nursery two mornings a week. NOT the volunteer-provided creche for an hour, because I want him to be (a) out my hair for more time than that and (b) properly cared for and stimulated. There's nothing wrong with needing me-time. Maybe you could swap with a friend once a week - you have her baby for a morning, so two together, and she has yours on a different morning. Free me-time and great social time for your baby!

HTH.

[shellbell3]

Don't underestimate the importance of "me time".
I find I start getting cranky when I need time out and when I do I'm a whole lot better. More fun and patient.
Some days i just think stuff the housework and I'll just do what really needs to be done and thats it. When DD is having her nap i make sure I take some time to sit down eat something watch TV put my feet up.
If you can afford to put your DD creche for a day I'd say go for it. I think it will be good for you.