I am just curious. Are you more or less strict with your oldest child compared with the younger ones?
I had some old bat tell me that I was too strict with DS2 who is 11 months old. I simply said "no, we don't hit" and "please keep your hands to yourself" when he hit his older brother on the head while we were out. It was a gentle hit and DS1 didn't care but I believe in setting boundaries early. She then went on to say that I must have been a nightmare when DS1 was younger as you are always harder on the older kids. I don't think I am any different in my discipline between the 2 boys. Both my boys are fairly placid so I don't have a huge amount of trouble with them other than the usual.
In my opinion, I do the hard yards in the first 3 years to give them a good basic understanding of boundaries and then reinforce or negiotate as they get older. We shall shall see how that goes as my eldest is almost 3 but it sounds good in theory
I'm waaay waaay softer with DS (12 yrs in between), even though I feel my parenting ideals are much the same all the same.
It's just that DS was a very difficult unsettled baby and it took so much of our energy to keep him settled and relatively happy that I don't feel like I had the time to 'teach' him. A lot of things I just had to let go and unfortunately I feel it's showing a bit. DS needs really firm boundaries and it's only now (he's 5, dd 3), that he is older than I have the time and clarity of mind to do so .
But that's just my experience. I daresay that many of us relax somewhat in our parenting with the later children because you realize how to choose your battles and not sweat the small stuff so much.
What is with people that think they can interfere in other peoples parenting?? Its not like you were giving him the strap like she probably did in her day.
In regards to your question, I think I an as strict my kids the same, but sometimes come down harder on my first because she should know better IYKWIM. She is 8, DS is 3.
You know the times that I stop and chat with the older lot (and likely telling ds off for being rude), is that so many of them make a point in saying "they are only little once, it's ok" if I look embarrassed. I like to take it on board though, they might know what they are talking about...!
I do that with my DS and he's the eldest (and only). Doesn't sound harsh to me!
From seeing other parents through my entire life, the youngest always gets their own way and the eldest is expected to shoulder more responsibilty because they "should know better" - irrespective of the fact the younger child should have known better for years! (Bitter oldest child side coming out!)
But I have seen the oldest child having chores from age 7... fast forward 7 years, the oldest child is expected to do chores but the youngest, now 10, doesn't lift a finger still.
Wow Ryn, I must be an absolute cow because DS1 has "chores" already (according to some friends of mine). They are just basic stuff like helping keep his room tidy, putting away toys, helping me pack the forks/spoons in the dishwasher etc. They are not really chores to me as he is a part of the family so should help out. He actually volunteers for them and gets upset if I start without him.
I think I was the same with DS1 as I am with DS2. DS2 is only young so the discipline hasn't really started yet as he does not get into things he shouldn't etc.
I was much stricter on my first child, I have got more relaxed over the years and as Lulu says stopped sweating the small stuff. I think too cause mine are so far apart I am just more tired LOL
Are you more strict with your younger kids?
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