17mth biting and hitting - help!

[OceanPrincess]

My DD is 17mths and has recently started hitting and biting.

Not as bad as it sounds - she started the hitting when she saw something exciting, like a cat or a dog, and both her hands go up and down at the same time, faster and faster and then she comes into contact with object of excitement and is hitting them.

Now the object of excitement is her cousin, or me, or her dad and she seems to know she is doing the wrong thing but does it anyway.

If we stop her and say "No hitting!" in a stern voice, she will grab our finger/hand and bite.

She also bites other kids at playgroup - yesterday while she was waiting to use the slide, she bit the hand of the boy who was on the top of the slide - I think out of impatience.

She has never been to childcare, we go to two playgroups but she is never unsupervised and I haven't seen any other kids bite her, so I have no idea where she got this behaviour from.

And I have no idea how to stop it.

Can anyone offer a suggestion?

I'd like to say she's acting out because of the new baby but TBH the behaviour started before baby arrived... and he sleeps so much that she hardly sees him and has had more quality mummy/daddy 1-1 time in the last week than before DS arrived!

[~clover~]

I honestly think its just a developmental thing with some kids. I really do.
My DD1 used to bite when excited. Til my dad shocked her by putting her straight back down when she bit him & walking away. She didn't bite again.

DS & his friends do it purely out of frusteration. They don't have any idea how to control their anger/annoyance yet & for some reason biting seems to be a natural reaction. Then they realise they get something out of it & continue. Weather its just attention, or the other child getting taken away from what ever it is they want etc, something always happens.

They aren't trying to be naughty, they are trying to work out how they fit in the world IMO. Have you seen the little kids who try to get something from you & if they can't pull it away they put it in their mouth & pull, as if its going to work better? Thats why I kind of think its a natural thing that they can't really help yet.

Hitting is the same. It gets a reaction. Maybe with that just turn her around, or put her down til the hitting has settled. Don't make a fuss. I think its just a phase she needs to go through.

With the biting, I'd just watch very, very closely when ever she's around other kids. We've had times when we can't be more than 2 foot from our boys in case we need to intervene. But they play really well together every time now... (well almost every time).

[Nai]

One thing I have found with Miss J is that I don't say "don't hit" or "no hitting" but "gentle" or "pat" instead - I found she resonds better to being told what to do rather than what not to do. If she doesn't stop she just gets removed from the situation or I put her down and walk awy.

[OceanPrincess]

One thing I have found with Miss J is that I don't say "don't hit" or "no hitting" but "gentle" or "pat" instead - I found she resonds better to being told what to do rather than what not to do. If she doesn't stop she just gets removed from the situation or I put her down and walk awy.

That's actually a really good suggestion. We use "gentle" when she is around DS, trying to rock his cradle or give him kisses and cuddles - so cute but she doesn't know her own strength.

Maybe we will try that...

Clover - it may just be developmental... but I do hate being the mother of "that child" in playgroup! Its hard too as she has started hitting me now when I am feeding DS - its a bit hard for me to walk away or anything...

Its so tough - she sees a boundary and just push push push...

[Butterfly Dawn]

Today I became "that mum has a child that bites" at our pre-kindy session. He has bitten his older brother before in frustration, so I can only assume that he was frustrated with the other child (it happened when I was looking in my bag for something- ofcourse!) He knows its wrong, I waited till he came out of the playhouse, picked him up and said "we're going home now because you bit that child..." When we got home I asked him is it ok to bite? he shook his head- so he knows. But it wont stop it. I dont think there is a magic solution to this 1, just hope its a phase, watch carefully and warn other parents/ teachers etc