4yo help with dealing with behaviour

[Rowellen]

DS whinges and melts down over the littlest things. And he goes on & on & on. It is driving us nuts and we are not reacting in the best manner as nothing seems to work. It is like once he starts, he just completely shuts down. Won't listen to reason, threats, bribes, cuddles, timeout all fail. Just keeps sulking, crying and being a general PITA ALL THE TIME! It usually starts before we even get out of bed. Why? Because I had the nerve to suggest it is time to get out of bed. Time warnings don't work. Trying to make it fun doesn't work. Bribing him with ABC4kids doesn't work. He just instantly starts sulking and crying. This morning he decided DD wasn't allowed in the bathroom when it was time to clean their teeth. When I told him to leave her alone, he started. Again. Refused to clean his teeth, carried on like a little monster for a good ten minutes at least but it felt like longer. And that's a short one.

Help! What else can we do?

[black_rose]

It's hard, we have been going through this too. We tell dd to take a deep breath and to stop the sulking/crying and to talk/ use her words or she has to go to her room to calm down. It's slowly working as she doesn't like missing out on things her brother and sister are doing and being in her room.

[Arimeh]

4 sucks.

That's all I've got LOL

[Mrs P]

Hugs! Whining and sooking is tough to deal with.
DD is nearly 3 and some days it feels like every word is a sook. We have just started the "counting" from 123 Magic. So if she sooks (for no reason) we ask her to stop and then she gets counted and will go to her room for a time out if we get to 3. It's only been a few days but it seems to be helping.

[Rowellen]

4 sucks.

That's all I've got LOL

Thanks for the laugh!

Thanks for the suggestions. Unfortunately those have been tried and failed too. He just won't stop. Last night he had a whinge because he was writing his name and decided he didn't like the letter "n" Counting used to work but now it just makes him whinge more and he still won't do whatever it is we've asked him to do. It still works for DD though! Putting him in his room for timeout just seems to draw it out. He keeps going! After alloted time has elapsed I go in and he will have a cuddle but then he becomes really clingy.

Maybe I should just buy some earplugs Is there any guideline on how long this phase lasts?

[Arcadia]

The only thing that worked for long tantrums was me chatting to dd about emergencies and how when people scream it sounds like there is an emergency and I need to call triple zero. It just seemed to click then that she can express rage and frustration without screaming meltdown. We had a transition time though where we used to ask her if it was an emergency, because a big scream sounds scary. It usually stopped the tantrum in its tracks.

[HotI]

my LO is only 3, and we have had the neighbours come over to check if things were ok cos she was making that much noise (in tantrum). You scare me when you say 4 is worse.

[wysiwyg]

DD (almost 4) through a wobbler the other day because she wanted an injection! 15 mins of whining and sooking because she wanted to have an injection. She has been melting down over all sort of strange things for about 2 months now.

[Jellyfish]

We don't really have meltdowns but definitely assertive stubborness lol. DD1 (4) is at a stage where she is needing more control over herself and her situations. Is there room to give him more control over things? What would have happened if when you suggested it was time to get up and he wasn't keen, you just left him and said okay, well I need to get going on stuff you can join me when you're ready? That seems to work with DD, she usually does whatever I have asked pretty quick as soon as she gets to decide the 'when'. Or with the teeth brushing, can he have his turn separately? And then work on him using more effective ways to request those sort of things, like how to ask for space from your DD instead of trying to force it. I always tell DD1 I will be able to help her if she asks for help but that I will have to look out for DD2's safety first if she tries to enforce her wishes without consultation which will mean DD1 might miss out on whatever it is she wants/needs regarding the situation. I know DD1 definitely gets frustrated with DD2 getting all in her face sometimes so we have also set up a 'safe spot' where she can escape from her and have some space.

[MummyNaomi]

DS turned 4 a few weeks ago. He is highly emotional at the moment. Lots of extra cuddles, reassurances seem to be helping and giving clear directions of what we want him to do in advance is also helping eg "you have 10 more minutes of playtime before bed, I'll be back to help u brush your teeth then" Etc. we have less meltdowns if we prep him in advance.
However we had a crazy tantrum the other day as I had the audacity to tell him we were eating dinner at the table (like we do every night). Go figure!!

[Cass72]

4 sucks.

That's all I've got LOL

So does 3, 18 and 44.....