Do I say something??

Hi Yeddi

When my sister told me there was something not quite right about my 18 month olds' development, I was shocked, in denial, and somewhat put out that she dared suggest it (and my sister is a very sensitive, loving person and also a Special Ed teacher).

Having said that, I would still mention something to the Mum, keeping in mind that she probably won't like hearing it/talking about it. If my sister hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have been looking into early intervention by the time DD turned 2 and she wouldn't have made the progress she's made over the years.

So I'd raise it in private in a sensitive way and be prepared to back off if she doesn't want to hear it. If the Mum isn't ready to hear it, then it may plant a thought that may come back to her a little later on. If she has already thought about it, she'll probably say that and no harm's done. If the Mum is ready to hear it and hadn't thought of it and then investigates further to see if early intervention is necessary, it will help the child and the family in the long run.

I've just had a thought - it's Autism month as of tomorrow. Maybe I can use that, and use it to provide info...

If it was me I don't think I'd mind. Specially if you used your own experience with your DD.
I guess though, if the mum doesn't have even a little inkling or understanding of any forms of the spectrum she may take it the wrong way. But sometimes all it takes is for someone to say something and that little light bulb goes off!:goodluck:

A lady I knew through our playgroup said something to a friend of hers & they are no longer friends. I'd be careful saying anything.....

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A lady I knew through our playgroup said something to a friend of hers & they are no longer friends. I'd be careful saying anything.....

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I guess it could go that way depending on the person...maybe it comes down to 'will you be terribly worried if the mum doesn't take it well and doesn't talk to you again?' If it were me, I would probably say something for the childs sake. If you're only 5 minute acquaintences and really not that close then nothing gained nothing lost?? Then again maybe it would pay to talk to your friend that knows them better first to see what she thinks. It is a tough one!

Yeddi: dammed if you do dammed if you don't?

Well you may be dammed but if you say something that little boy won't be. I would honestly say that it is for the little boys benefit you saying something. I know you will be able to say something in a completely compassionate and understanding way and hopefully it helps thr mum to realise what is going on.

This family almost *needs* you to say something... If I was the mother I would be soo grateful to the person who helped me figure out what is wrong with my child!!!

Good friends of ours have a DS 5 months younger than our DS1 and we could tell by about 2yrs old that he was on the spectrum - he just did stuff that no other kid ever did and in a way that had all the alarm bells ringing. Our friends just passed this off as him being 'busy' or 'full on' but it was more than that - we could all see it, but they couldn't and until they could, then we had to just wait otherwise they would have completely shut us out and gone into denial about it. Luckily the preschool teachers picked it up within weeks of him starting and they set the ball rolling for a dx and once that happened, his parents were accepting that there was a problem. We did tell them that it wasn't a surprise to us and they both asked why didn't you say anything, but we knew them better than that and said how we knew they wouldn't have listened so we waited. For them, they needed to hear it from someone in authority - not a friend. But this is just a ****ty situation that there is no easy way to do it. I think because you aren't directly friends with her then there isn't a friendship to loose so to speak, but it may also make it hard for her to listen to what you have to say without getting upset or offended.

This is a toughie but I think your heart is telling you that it's best to do/say something.

Given that it's autism month, I would use that as an opp to give out an info pack to all the mums and say that your child has autism, you'd like to raise awareness and understanding and here's some info.

So make it a, "please read this about my daughter" approach rather than please read this about your son.

If that doesn't work, I'd leave it for a little while and then try something more direct.