I think I'm a better mother because I go to work

[FabFiona]

Following on from another thread about being a SAHM, it got me think about whether I could do it. I love my two sons very much. Watching them grow into little people has been a joy. I continually laugh at DS1 when he comes up with new words (the latest being 'no worries' in response to me saying 'thank you'). DS2 and his desire to leap out of my arms to turn on every light switch we pass cracks me up.

However, I'm not sure I could ever stay at home with them full time. Thinking about it, I could probably think of nothing worse for myself. I would get terribly snappy, feel very disorganised and just want to run away.

I like working part time. I like my job and think that it's very important. I like the adult time I get at work doing things seperate to my kids. It helps me keep my own sense of identity.

Time away from my children also helps me reflect on the type of parent I am and how I could do things differently (largely related to my eldest and his behaviour).

Working also helps me keep my career skills and contacts current. In politics, things move quickly and your knowledge and contacts can become redundant in no time.

Sure, me working helps our budget but we could get by without my wage. DH has a great job and earns decent money. We wouldn't starve.

I guess I wanted to put it out there that not everyone wants to be a stay at home mum. If anything, I think I respect stay at home mums more because I don't want to do it and am not sure I could do it and stay sane.

[*Efjay*]

I get what you are saying. I would love a regular me time thing to do. But I am a stay home mum due to my kids having special needs. Three are on the autism spectrum so while I'm a SAHM, I'm actually out every day lol. Between speech, ot, early intervention preschool sessions, psych appointments, pead visits... The only day I have left where I could put my 2 non school age kids into care if I wanted to do that is a Monday, but that would mean I miss out on play connect which is my time to catch up with other parents facing the same struggles as me. So for now, I am a busy SAHM. I am on the committee for the local autism support group though, that gives me a little bit of grown up stuff to do that isn't focused on my kids BUT helps them still in the long run.

Point being, I fully get where you are coming from, I'd be happy to just have a four Hour shift stacking shelves lol

[kelsbels]

I agree with every word. I know I'm a better mummy for working, I know I have far more patience after I've had a day at work.
I'm also blessed to only need to work part time but I wouldn't have it any other way

[PinkPalace]

i think it adds another aspect of me as person.
My daughter wakes up in the morning and asked me what i did at work last night, wants to know who i helped and why they were hurt.
i think it also shows them a different side of mummy and my values as well - if that makes sense.

Plus they love when they get to visit my work lol!

[skybie]

It's not for everyone, We all just do whats best for our families and if thats staying home full time, working full time/ part time, doesnt matter, our kids are loved and they love us no matter what

[Heaven]

It just shows how different everyone is doesn't it? I love to hear people confident with their decisions and knowing what's right for them. Good for you!

For me, I couldn't think of anything worse than working, I know I would hate it and be miserable. A SAHM is what I am meant to be

[LuluHB]

Its great to read that you've found the right balance for you and your family Fiona. I think that's what all of us should concentrate on - what suits US, not what "they" say is the right thing to do. In fact, whoever "they" are, they should just keep their opinions to themselves! Its such a shame that so much of the time there is no consideration given to the fact that we don't lose our individuality when we become a mother, and that we all have different personalities and need different things to keep us all happy, content and satisfied with life.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

so gald it works for you hun and well done on putting it out there.

[forshelby]

Wow, thank you for posting this. I've been reflecting a bit too after the previous thread. I was terrified of returning to work, and even moreso when it turned out to be a full time position. I thought I'd crumble under the added pressure. But no, quite the opposite. I actually like my job. I like getting out of the house. And I have far more patience and appreciate the little things a LOT more.

Working full time is a lot easier than I predicted. I miss my son terribly, but I HAVE to be here to fix our financial issues. So I might as well enjoy the positive aspects of it! Cause I sure don't have a choice, lol.

I feel that for me (and I can only speak in my own experience here) that working FT has enhanced my parenting skills.

[Shanti]

I love being a SAHM and love as much time with my kids as I can get! Yes we are all different and that's what makes the world go round.....

I think whether we stay home caring full time for kids or go to work each day or some days, we are ALL working hard ALL the time! There is and should be NO competition.

[sushee]

I really enjoy my job and am good at it, but would have preferred more time at home with my son, as opposed to having to leave him when he was quite young (aged 2). I didn't really struggle for stimulation - I was quite active on BB at the time, and was a moderator as well so between that and home, I had a lot to keep me occupied.

And though I didn't want to return to work, when I did, I worked very hard and spent a lot of time at it, building my career. I'm not one to do anything half-arsed really. I feel regret now that I lost so much time with my son when I was working 12 hour days (and continue to now, for that matter) but I understand that by working like I did, I gave my family opportunities that the man in the family usually would deliver. My XH took a backseat with his career and spent more time caring for the children than I did, because I gave him the ability to do so.

I am comflicted as to whether this makes me a better parent, but I think it makes me *a* parent who fulfilled a role usually assumed by the man. I accept that assuming this role has given me options too once XH and I split that many women don't have, but again, that was a matter of circumstance, not choice.

I think I may have gone off tangent too, but was typing out loud. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I enjoy working, I believe that my work ethic is an excellent example for my kids, I believe I'm a positive role model my daughter and sons, and I think that returning to work was, overall, a positive thing for me and my family, but I still wish I'd had more time at home with my son before he started school.

[Indadhanu]

I loved being a SAHM, and enjoy my role working in a Kindy. It does make me a better mum because I appreciate my time more, as a SAHM I found myself bored sometimes when I should have been enjoying my daughter, and I missed so much time since starting working but love the time I do get with her now so... working has made me a better mum because I have had to spend time away from her and embrace the moments we get together, even the challenging ones. I would rather not have to leave my daughter to go to work, I would rather be a SAHM, but the choices best for my family and for our daughter was for my partner to be a SAHM too and be able to form that intimate connection with her. We had already decided this when I was pregnant, we feel this is the best way to raise our family, so I went back to work when DD was 14 months old. We continued our breastfeeding journey for another 12 months, and I think my partner and I have an appreciation for each other and for the different roles (working compared to SAH) that we both wouldn't have gotten.

[Stevie]

i love that i work. it absolutely has given me alot more patience and appreciation for whats at home.
BUT, i do envy SAHM i would give anything to be able to stay at home with DD every day and watch her grow but unfortunately financially we needed me back at work. i went back to work when she was not quite 6 months old (she's 2.5 now..) i felt guilt for a VERY long time, its prob been only in the last 6 months that the guilt has subsided to just a dull ache, because i can see she is doing amazing, and i think she enjoys spending time with everyone else too.

Im doing everything in my power to give my family everything we deserve, she isnt in DC though she gets to spend alot of one on one time with DH (who works FIFO) and she would probably get more one o one time with him than some kids would get with a dad that works 5 days a week and then she gets alot of time with nan and pa!

i like working because i get to be 'stevie' for 5 hours a day 3 days a week. it keeps me sane but at the sam time i do appreciate my time with her (not more than any other mother would) but i try to make the most of everything.

[Rowellen]

I agree with you too Fiona. Every bit of it, except the budget bit. We need my salary. But apart from that, I agree. I love my kids more than anything, but they get a better mum when I'm working. I'm not saying it's easy. It breaks my heart to leave my kids at daycare. Especially DD since she's still so little. I hate being so busy I can't find time to scratch myself. They do say the cutest things don't they! DS has started telling me off. "No touch MY xxx, Mummy!"

[*TripleJ*]

I'll be totally honest i would go crazy being at home all the time with them yes i love them but i got a job coz my mental health was at risk me and hubby take it in turns

[sloane]

It's not for everyone, We all just do whats best for our families and if thats staying home full time, working full time/ part time, doesnt matter, our kids are loved and they love us no matter what

I agree...doing what is best for your family may be different for different ppl but we're all striving to be the best parents we can be. Recognising what's important & what works for your family is awesome!!!

And i love the 'no worries' - so cute!

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[Nai]

I am another who while I loved being at home found that I really needed to work part-time to make me a better parent. I need to have time away from the home and the children to help me put things in perspective and deal with things in a more reasonable manner. Even when I have been at home I haven't managed to achieve all the things other SAHM's do which makes me feel a bit bad - I am just domestically challenged I think. It's not my natural environment

[~*familyof3*~]

While im not a working mum, i have been and ive also been a study mum. I just love that you posted this in such a lovely way not once ever making either kind of mum sound bad.
I have no issue with either a working mum or sahm i think your all pretty darn awesome!!