What would you do?

[lilima]

I am really not sure where this belongs. Please move if necessary.

What would you do?

My DS has been in kindy for this year. There is a mother there that has two younger kids, and honestly, until recently i didn't even know that she had two others. She leaves them in the car for every kindy drop off and pick up. Obviously during winter she just left them in the car with the windows closed. (as I was unaware that they were in there) Then as the weather has become warmer, she leaves them in the car with the motor running and air con on. She never seems to rush back to the car, and they are clearly out of her line of sight for at least 10 mins at pick up, and probably a bit less for drop off.

It is downright dangerous.

Firstly, you should never leave a child in a car on a hot day, regardless of leaving it running
Second, someone could nick off with the car
Third, what if the hand brake failed or something else and the car took off??!! (i had a friend that was run over by her own car!)


I know another mother and I often take turns waiting in from of our cars. We park next to each other, and I wait by both cars (doors open) while she gets her DD, then she waits while I get DS.

She is the sort of mum that would go nuts on you if you dared say anything, and I have another 7 years with her (at least) within the school system.

Was thinking of contacting the committee and asking to put a note on the door requesting that children should not be left unattended in vehicles.

[HotI]

Was thinking of contacting the committee and asking to put a note on the door requesting that children should not be left unattended in vehicles.

I like this idea.

[Amity]

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[Butterfly Dawn]

I think that approaching the committee is also a good way to handle it. That way no names are mentioned, no blame or nasty feelings. Its something Im sure they will be happy to do

[Violet Star]

Dont feel bad about contacting someone about it. You would feel worse if you didnt say anything and something happened to the kids.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I agree with speaking up about it, no matter what her reaction is what she is doing is dangerous.

[surprised]

Can a general note to the whole community be put in the school newsletter?

[~StarBright~]

Maybe you could mention that you and the other mum take turns and park and watch eachothers kids and see if she is keen to join in your tag team with you. She might really appriciate the offer of assistance and help rather than the ostrocising of being mentioned in the school newsletter. (Even though I am sure you wouldnt be mentioning her by name)

I do understand the seriousness of leaving the kids unattended though- dont get me wrong, I dont agree with it, but I think an offer of help would be more usefull and would get you further with her.

[helle]

My aunty would do this when she took her eldest to school... My mum and other aunty got wind of it and when she did it next they had followed her to the school and pinched him from the car to teach her a lesson. Kinda mean but she doesn't do it anymore!

I'm not sure what I would do but I think SBs suggestion is probably the kinder of the lot. Otherwise I would go a "no name" option.

[Jennifer13]

Since you and the other Mum are doing it already, why don't you just offer to help her out? You never know when the favour will be returned and like you said, you have another seven years with her potentially. Some of the other Mums at DD's school are the most help to me when I've been desperate! They're even more reliable than DP.

[lilima]

One of the other mums asked her and she said "nah they will be right."

[misty]

Are you talking about me????

Seriously. You could be.
Generally I do 'pick up' where I drive the car up and the teacher puts my DD1 in the car, but sometimes that isn't possible because you have to collect your kid from the classroom. Rather then drag all 3 children out of the car in the rain, or if one (or two or all three even) are asleep, I will leave them in the car for the entire 5mins it takes to go and get my DD1 - they are just as likely to be adbucted from their bedroom at night as to be in danger for that brief amount of time. They are safe where they are and often in a much nicer kinder climate then me making the dash to the classroom.

I am only being honest here because I doubt many others who think the same would be brave enough to do so. I truely believe that parents today have gone completely overboard with their overprotectiveness nowdays. The world in no more dangerous now then it ever was. My vechicle is probably one hell of a lot safe then me trying to wrangle through the school car park with four tantruming children.

So I respectfully and politely suggest that maybe you should mind you own business. You can choose how you wish to raise and parent your children, but the rest of us are also able to make our own decisions. We are not talking about someone leaving their kids in the car for extended periods of time. We are talking about school pick up.

[Bex]

I'd get the kindy to put up a note. It's been on Tv a lot as of late the dangers of leaving children in the car, it's not safe for even 5 mins. It's a very dangerous thing to do. Good luck I can imagine your frustration. So irresponsible.
Children are so precious.

[lilima]

Misty - I respectfully say it was 30 degrees today. All over the news today they talked about kids beingvleft in cars. It is simply not safe. Words like mind your own business are not good enough when we are talking about kids left in cars.

15 mins is extended period. They are out of sigh. Alone in a car park. You can't see them in the car, as I said I didn't even know she was bringing them till recently. Plus it is illegal to leave children unattended in a car.

Thanks for your honesty Misty. It is appreciated, but we are talking walking two kids all of 2 meters inside the building, rather than leaving them alone and unattended in the car on a hot day. Air con on or not. Things do happen to kids in cars. My DH could talk your ear off about all the call outs he goes to.

[Butterfly Dawn]

I understand what you are saying Misty, and on some levels totally agree with you.
In alot of countries it is against the law to leave children unattended in a car period 2 seconds 2 hours makes no difference.
If another mum suggested joining a tag team for watching kids while 1 went inside to collect theirs- I would be really happy and relieved to be able to leave the kids undisturbed but attended, wouldnt most of us?

[black_rose]

I leave them in the car to avoid the tantrums and chasing the kids back to the car, but not yesterday when it was 30 degrees. I have a sunroof which I can keep open to keep the car cooler for the couple of minutes it takes to drop my kids off I don't dawdle but on hot days no way will I do it.

[Lady_Tess]

I have to mention, that alot of replies relating to the argument of leaving them in the car seem to be for convenience. Although I can understand this argument, I find it unfathomable that it is still worth the risk.

We are not only talking about heat stress, but absolute anything.... Leaving windows open invites thieves. Leaving the car running is .... well... do I need to go there?? Choking hazards.... Distress....

Sorry by I don't see he difference between this and going for a nap while the kids are home... Locking the kids in the house while you go outside to mow the lawn... Each and every excuse is a matter of convenience and hardly worth the life or risk of injury to a child.

Stepping down off my soapbox now

[misty]

Sorry by I don't see he difference between this and going for a nap while the kids are home... Locking the kids in the house while you go outside to mow the lawn... Each and every excuse is a matter of convenience and hardly worth the life or risk of injury to a child.

And this is what I mean by over-protective 'cotton-wool' parenting. By your arguements, what am I supposed to do when DH goes away for weeks at a time with army? Never sleep? Never hang the washing on the line while the kids are happy inside? Let the grass grow to rediculous lengths (which is it's own danger here with risk of bushfire and snakes)? Never let my kids play in the backyard with the dogs, uless I am out there with them? I also wouldn't be able to shower, because they are certainly unsupervised them. I Probably shouldn't have them in bunkbeds either - because they might fall off; and I certainly shouldn't allow them to play in their bedrooms unsupervised because they may (and do) climb up on their beds. I probably shouldn't let the 4yr old make his own toast, or butter his own bread either. And heaven forbid I might take them on public transport where there isn't even an option to be strapped in and the bus drivers are involved in numerous accidents regularly! Where do you draw the line in the sand?

My car is brand new. It is in excellent condition. My children are in a controlled climate. My four year old is more then able to unbuckle himself and siblings if neccessary and can be trusted not to do so if not. The kids are able to open the car doors and get out. No-one else can get in, because it is locked. The car is parked in a school carpark surrounded by parents teachers and other children. I am gone for a minimal amount of time that is required to get my DD1. It is not just 'convienience' - there are very real risks involved with getting the kids out of the car (particularly if one of the boys is asleep and needs to be woken to do so, as it ALwAYS results in tantruming and disobedient behaviour if they are woken - and we are talking full on throw myself on the ground and roll around tantrums). Firstly there is no possible way I can hold every hand, I only have two. My 2yr old is a bolter (just a month or two ago a young child got killed around here running from his mum in a school carpark). Although you would expect better from other 'parents' some of the drivers are so impatient and dangerous. It is a very busy carpark in terms of cars moving - as you have to drive through the carpark to get to the pickup point. There is more 'risk' to my children if I do take them out of the car in many situations. statistically children are at MUCH greater danger as pedestrians on the road then they ever are for a short period of time in a stationary vehicle. They are quite likely safer in the car, then they are in my house.

Their are risks to absolutely everything in life. I make a decision on what is best and safest for my children based upon my own analysis of the risks involved. You may not agree with my analysis of the situation - but if that is the case, then I definitely don't agree with your analysis of my situation either.