I got quite a few of these too but i am pretty lucky that my mum and MIL are generally pretty good.
I do wonder though how many of our mothers had said they would never say ...................................... and then did.
Printable View
I got quite a few of these too but i am pretty lucky that my mum and MIL are generally pretty good.
I do wonder though how many of our mothers had said they would never say ...................................... and then did.
"I wish I had never had kids"
"I hope your kids are horrible just like you"
"You're doing x wrong"
"You need to stop babying them, they need to get tougher" (defending calling DD1 fat and DS stupid)
"He's never going to be normal, he will be retarded forever" (about my 3 year old son with autism)
Needless to say we very, very rarely see my mother.
Oh my God. That's terrible. I bet your kids are gorgeous. :hug::
xoxo
What awful things to say about her own grandchildren!!! That's shameful!:
My mum believes in tough love. That if I bully my kids they will become tough and bullies later on in life won't affect them. It's how she parents.
She has a real issue with having a grandson with disability and makes it clear that since I won't hit A for stimming or having meltdowns I am allowing him to be 'retarded' and encouraging him to be different.
At the end of the day I look at her and think, I never want to be like you.
^^ this is just horrible, what a nasty thing to say
my god. That's horrible. I am so, so sorry :(:
Do we have the same mum naenae?:
I haven't even had my baby yet, and I'm already hearing "I hope your baby is a terrible sleep like you were... payback's a *****":
Thank you all for all of your responses. Some of them have brought a tear to my eye and certainly put my little whinge into perspective. :hug: to you all.
Like Nae I have been told these things and told that I'm the one who needs counselling for my resentments about 'the past' (though on one of these occasions, the 'past' was the day before...). I guess that's true...funny how the need for counselling only goes one way, though!
Just wait until ... [whatever negative thing is supposed to happen next]. This is not something my mother says, but it's a pearler.
I also won't tell them throughout their childhoods that I hope they have a pg/birth/child just like mine/me, so they know what I went through. I know she doesn't mean to be vindictive, but guess who had the last laugh when my pgs, birth and children didn't turn out to be anything like hers. ;) (Actually, thinking about it, maybe I will say this, because the experiences I talk about have been so good!).
I could list thousands from my MIL, but to be anything like her I'd need to have a complete mental and emotional transplant, so I'll choose to not go there...
Oh dear! That's dreadful! And incredibly passive aggressive,:
Defriending probably isn't worth the stress, but you can up the privacy settings on your photos so she can't see them.
Seeing I have sons, to any future DIL's I pledge to...
Be supportive. My mother thrives on drama and can't help sounding quite thrilled at the possibility that I'm not coping. For example - she saw a pic I posted on FB of our newborn sleeping, I had a caption about 'Finally' or something similar. She rang the next day and was all "Oooh having a hard time are you? Having trouble with him are you?" in a gossipy tone of voice. During this conversation she kept asking how on earth I was going to cope when DH goes back to work, how DS1 is going to cope, over and over! If there is nothing going on I don't hear from her for weeks. I actually haven't heard from her since that conversation. Of course if I wasn't coping she would be the last person to know.
Believe in them. At the same time, my mother treats me like I'm about to break into a million pieces! The first few weeks after DS2 was born every conversation was filled with "Ooooh how are you coping? Are you alright? Are you coping alright? You haven't got any of that depression thing have you? Have you been crying?" I find it patronising. I have no idea why she thinks I can't cope, especially when I'm the happiest I've ever been right now.
Never invalidate them. My mother can't listen to any issues I have with DS1 without butting in with "That's exacty what you were like! Don't have to tell me about it! I know exactly what that's like!" She can't just hear what I'm saying and if she knows so much about it then give me some help.
Build them up as parents instead of tearing them down. As most of us do, I use the TV as a distraction when I need to. My mother is very proud to tell me that she never needs to put the telly on when she baby sits, that DS1 didn't even ask to have it on. Yay for you Nanna! Way to make me feel bad.
Respect their rules. I'll never forget the time my mother tried to tell me that my son's sunburnt face was actually just baked beans. It's seriously not that hard to put on sunscreen!
omg yes!!!:
Well I could write down all the helpful things my FIL tells me but I would be here all day.... He sure has a lot to say for someone that walked out on his kid at a early ago and now 18yrs later wants to be a dad.
My mother annoys me with her constant "yep you did that" when I'm telling her something my kids have done that isn't do favorable. Or the "Thats no good" when I told her I'm meant to be on complete bed rest. You wouldn't think she lives one street up from me, doesn't work and does nothing all day. Thanks for the offer of help.
for shelby - OMG, after what you went thru, to have your mum be that selfish AS WELL, blimey, OMG.
naenae - those lines sound so familiar, i think our mums are twins
there were other posts i wanted to comment on too, but now i can't remember
my MIL was too far away, too unwell (dementia) to be part of my life when i had bilby
my M was not part of my life when i had bilby, due to her abuse of me, we have no contact
bilby already has asked me, "will you teach me how to be a mummy, when i have a baby? when i grow up?". i hope i can remember when the time comes, as an older mum, i really will be old when she has a child. I hope BB or forums similar, will be happening then.
we are creating our own family, her and me. I don't have a positive role model to copy, so i'm making it up as i go along. all i know is that i have a clear role model of what NOT to do to my child (e.g violence and abusive comments that never leave your head, like a tattoo, as someone else already put). i go thru things everyday, as a result of the abuse i survived as a child (from 6 - 17). I will do everything in my power to make sure my DD doesn't go thru that, and as a result, doesn't have to counter that behaviour, in order to parent herself.
i did not get any M or MIL support when i had bilby, ever. My gift to bilby will be support during pregnancy, during birth and post birth.
sushee - i know there was something in your post that resonated with me, can't recall now.