I think any reason is acceptable to not have another bub, as long as it is YOUR reason :)
I think any reason is acceptable to not have another bub, as long as it is YOUR reason :)
But thats the funny thing - I like being a toddler-mama much more than a baby-mama!! Toddlers are the absolute best, they're such a ball :) I love interacting with both of mine, they're a hoot (to steal the phrase ;)):
So its not that I want another baby, I want another toddler... LOL
Marcellus - I'm not trying to convince myself or anyone else of anything.... just trying to nut out what is best for us. Sometimes its not just clear cut ya know? Both options would work for us, just have to find out what is BEST for us.
Rowellen - thanks ;)
Trill - I'm definitely ready for the next stage - but want that next stage to be with 4 kids - ITMS? Which is why its sooooo confusing, because I want 4 kids, but not the pregnancy, birth or baby.. LOL
I think that if you question your reasons for not having another one, then you are not ready to stop.
Thats the way i've always thought about it.
When you know, you know... there will be no questions.
That was kinda my point Arimeh - laying out pros and cons doesn't always help you find what's right for you.
So.... you need to clone one of your toddlers maybe?
Maybe you could adopt. Problem solved. :hide: Sorry that's probably not very helpful.:
I love that Mel ! You have a great little family and sooo much love to give. Your kids are gorgeous ! Great reason to have #4 ! ;):
The gym will still be there after another bub and so will meet ups ! Having said that - i can totally understand not wanting to be pg and missing out. We are waiting at the moment til after we have been away cause i dont want to miss out on the theme parks and all the fun that our holiday will bring ! I know i have said it before but i figure by then i will have had long enough to make a decision either way !
Is the fear of having another CS enough to stop you having another bub altogether ??
SPD - i have found my pregnancies quite painful so i can only imagine how bad SPD must be :hug:
As for having another boy - well i can do boys and you can do girls so lets swap !! ;)
I dont think your reasons are selfish - they are valid ! I totally understand how hard you are finding this ! :hug: So many things to consider.
Nearly all the things you have listed seem to be short term but another addition is for life ! Just a thought ! There is always a solution for most things...
I know i havent helped but i just wanted to show my support ! Whatever you guys decide will be the right thing for you in the end.
xo
Nope definitely not selfish. I can't think of any other human endeavours where people would willingly put themselves through months of agony.:
I'd be in pain from SPD. Definitely selfish for not wanting to go through some pain for another bub.
I agree wholeheartedly with Gracious Goddess. You have to find your own place of peace with your decision and it matters to no one except yourself and your DH (weighted towards yourself ;)).
Yeah but at the moment I'm flip flopping all over the damn place between have one, don't have one - its constantly on my freakin mind and driving me nutty!!!!! I am like this stupid fish thats been yanked out of the water and just flopping all over the deck - this way, no this way, no the other way - ARGHHHHHH.:
Marcellus - hmm. cloning. That IS an idea...:think:
Jahzara - thanks :hug: I know you understand what I'm going through xxxxxx (btw, girls night with Sterla soon ok?)
MD - thats what DH said too... and that basically its up to me cos I gotta go through it!
Our decision at the moment to not have any more kids is because we want to be able to do things like travel with Jazz, and not put it off because we will have a newborn or younger child. Plus we both want to go to work when she is about 4 or 5, so we can buy a house. If we have another kid, thats morw time at home and we get even further from our home goal. So I get the selfish award! LOL!
Whatever reason you want to use is good enough. No one can tell you what is acceptable or not acceptable when it comes to decisions like this.
Less selfish reasons to not have more:
- There are already 6 billion people on this earth and not enough resources for all of them to live a full life.
- Audax needs to purchase all of your no-longer-used baby goods at a very reasonable price.
I think there's something in your vision of toddler-mama with 4 kids - maybe that's part of your family story, and maybe that's something that will happen, in some sort of a wacky way.
Any reason is an acceptable reason if you don't want to have another baby Mel! It's your life and your family, so you do whatever you want!
But working out what you want is the hard part, huh? So... some questions to ask yourself that you've probably already thought of but I'll write them anyway :)
Forgetting all the pro's and con's do you want another child in your life?? What does your heart say??
Would you be happy not to have another one?
Would you regret not having a fourth?
Would you regret it if you did have a fourth for any reason?
Would you be happy to have another baby girl?
If you for some reason ended up with another c/s would you still be happy you decided to have another one?
Yup.:
Probably get over it eventually.
Probably.. lol
Never regret children. I wanted a boy and got Eden, and I don't regret it for a second - she's a gorgeous bub and I'm blessed to have her.
See above ;) I'd probably get bloody sick of being surrounded by pink since I hate the colour, but I'm sure I could turn them into being black lovers like myself eventually.
Yup. I don't want one but I'd get over it. Just don't want one.. LOL
Well then missy, I think you should follow your heart! Stop analysing or your head might explode. Sometimes these things just aren't rational. Nothing worse than living with regrets I reckon, and I know your hubby is supportive whatever you decide so that's a big plus!
when do you stop? honestly..will you be happy with 4 or will you want another?
Sometimes we need to draw the line and say know what I tried my best now its time to give the best to myself for the sake of the kids.
they want a healthy mum..not one who is unhappy and full of remorse.
My kids all get along so well....yep I miss not being able tohave another but hey I need to look after my temple and if it means being selfish then so be it, no more babies.
Oh..and babe. I think nearly every woman goes through the torn feeling when their baby hits 6 months :hug:
Iv been really struggling with this aswell lately (and i haven't even had number 2 yet lol) My reason to try for a third is very selfish and i dont feel like it is reason enough, but for me to give up the dream that i have is very hard for me. When i think about it sticking with two makes sense for us, i want to go back to work, i want to be able to travel and show my boys the world and alot of other reasons that make sense for us but still i want a third baby and cant get past it. Honestly its such a hard decision and i understand why you are finding it so hard.
Do you even need a reason? If you don't want more babies you don't need to justify it.
I don't want any more babies because I'm happy with my family and my lifestyle just the way it is. If that's selfish so be it :p
I might be wrong but I assume that you're at an age where you will still have the option of changing your mind in 5 or 10 years time.
You can bang on about this all you like if it helps you work through it - the only problem I have is you referring to any of the reasons as selfish. Grrrr!
I've said for years that if someone left a baby on my doorstep I'd probably never call the authorities lol, but I can't just can't go through the long months of pregnancy and the fears that I felt. I pop them out easy as pie but for my it's the preg that drags me and I just can't do that to myself again. How could that be selfish?
In any case one thing I have to offer is - I found a school for my children that I never knew existed and it costs. I can't think of having them educated any other way and it's really NOW that I know I have def done the right thing. I could not have done this with another baby. It can be a long term thing, not just now/baby/toddler years when they don't really need that much IYKWIM?
Bahahahaaha thanks :) I'm about to turn 33, so I don't have a LOT of time up my sleeve ;) Plus, once all babies are out of nappies, I don't wanna be going back there again!:
And I think some people are reading my original post wrong - my problem is I do want another baby, but I have all these things on the con list, and I'm wondering if they are good enough reasons to not go back for another one, or if they are just selfish ones and I should totally get over myself and just do it already.. LOL