Tell me off if I'm wrong, but you're obviously very torn over it. Is it possible that the issue isn't having another baby, but realising that if you DON'T have another baby soon, a chapter of your life will be over? As in, you're no longer a baby-mama, you're a toddler-mama...

I mention it because a couple of friends of mine are in a similar situation - they were both in the same 'place', kids all school age etc. Then one got pregnant accidentally, and the other one was really jealous. But now that bubs here, they both say that the whole 'newborn baby' phase is something they've passed, and the one that was jealous is actually kinda happy that she didn't have another, because that part of her life is over. Not that she didn't thoroughly enjoy it at the time, but there are new things to enjoy now.

Hope that makes sense!