When does No mean no?

[mummydreamer]

and not keep nagging and nagging until mum says yes????

and how do i deal with it? I get it from DS the most, but DD does it a bit too. they ask for something, etc, I say no, and so they "Mum please, please can I....?" and DS is the worst, he will stand there and just nag and nag for ages, and then it turns into a big fight because i eventually get the poops and get angry at him, and then he gets really upset at me. Grrrrr!!!!

So just wondering what age this stops? LOL.

and how best to handle it? i've just started threatening time out if DS continues to do it, because he's just not listening to me.......and i wish i could explain how relentless DS is .......

[~Ash~]

I could write this exact OP right now!! It is soooo exhausting getting into those kinds of conversations with DD - I think she is starting to stop now - I feel like it lasted for AGES!!

In the end I started saying "I have already given you an answer, what was my answer?" - and if she told me I was say she was right and that she needs to stop asking unless she wants time out in her room - if she said no then she had to go into her room and think about it so she could remember what my answer was lol - she really doesnt like time out in her room lol so it worked a treat.

I hope you find something to help you!! I know how frustrating it can be

[*Efjay*]

ahhhh I feel your pain. BUT You know what you need to do. Stop the threats & DO.

Also maybe try offering an explanation for the No. MUUUUUM can I have chocolate cake!
No, it will be dinner time soon & we don't want you to spoil your dinner. (secretly its no because I want to eat the last piece (if you haven't already) when you are in bed)
KWIM, Rather then just NO follow it up with a reason. If he keeps pestering then Tell him you have been told no, ask again & you WILL go to time out. When he does ask again, he goes to time out.

If it continues after that then drag him outside & lock him in the chook pen.

eta - Ash's reply is better LOL do her suggestion.

[~Ash~]

If it continues after that then drag him outside & lock him in the chook pen.

I dont know lol maybe I've got it all wrong - I just need to get me a chook pen

[mummydreamer]

bahaha Efjay @ the chocolate cake suggestion!! typical pregnant woman Lol. and the chook pen...although that was DD with bedtime! Hahahaha.

trouble is, i ALWAYS give an explanation! no, because....blah blah blah. And then when they keep asking, i do start saying, 'no I'm ignoring you because I've already answered that question. What did I tell you already?' etc.....

Ah Efjay, YOU know how relentless DS can be!!

*sigh*.....just annoying coz i hate getting so frustrated with him..... i think i might have to start doing time out or something.....the funny thing is DS is at the bartering age now. so it's 'well mum, how about....' blah blah blah. I just say 'Mate, I'm not bargaining with you!! I said NO!' e

[*Efjay*]

Oh yes, I recall the bargaining stage. It still happens here tbh.
LOL Maybe try palming him off to DH & tell him to ask Daddy when he gets home LOL

[Catherine]

I have a book called 'disapline without spanking or shouting'

For this kind of thing, it suggests avoiding saying "no" everytime and if it is appropriate say something like "instead of that, how about this?" Which rephrases the no more positively.

It is not an inate virtue to be patient, so it takes time to learn. It can help if he understands that you must wait too, and that you are ok with waiting. It might be appropriate to say "after we have done X, we can do Y (the thing he wants)" if it is a matter of waiting. Or like PP said, explain why he can't, than turn the questions back on him (nicely). "I already answered that question. Do you understand what I said?" (or something like that).

Importantly is to notice when they are being wonderful and thank them for it, so if they have waited for something or asked nicely - point it out.

If, on the otherhand, you feel this behaviour is whining, it is a slightly different tactic. Some thing - catch them being pleasant and be mindful of their needs (eg are they over tired, do they get cranky if you don't feed them regularly - LOL, yes the book actually says similar to that!). In order to actually solve the problem, you need to define whining for your children, and give them the alternative words for asking nicely. If it continues, instead of 'time out' have a 'whinging place' where no one can hear it and they can come back when they are feeling better. Ignoring it is hard - impossible even - maybe headphones or putting on music...build the noise to distraction!

The book says "don't give in" "don't whine yourself" "don't get angry" and "don't punish" and remember "this too shall pass" (I prefer "just keep swimming")...

easier said than done, I don't use time out, or a whinging spot, because my kids won't stay there and it just creates conflict,
instead I find "time in" works better. This means stopping what I am doing and doing something with them... usually in less than 15 minutes they are satisfiedand I can get back to whatever I was doing.

It really depends on you, your kids and the situation...you will work it out.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

It's probably not helpful, but Mum would always tell us her ears couldn't hear us when we were whining. And if we asked for something she'd already said no to, we'd get a warning. Next time would be a smack. That went on for a while until we started getting a light smack if we asked just once after she'd answered.

LOL, my parents probably sound like abusers

[catetay]

is there anyone around who this whining works with? In my house, unfortunately Daddy doesn't always mean no (grrrr) and his mind can be changed quite quickly! Mummy on the other hand is firmer and usually means what she says, that doesn't stop them trying tho!
My little girl, although younger than your two, is well and truly in the whining phase, i just ignore her if i can, but can see that's going to lead to time out soon in the future as sometimes it just doesn't work