HERE's a prime example of an onslaught of new users ;)
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HERE's a prime example of an onslaught of new users ;)
Oh wow!! Just read that whole thread, what a can of worms!!
Did we ever find out if she is a childhaving non nanny now????
Kelly.. what ended happening with the 'lawsuit"?
i know you have had a few threats but is it just that threats and nothing comes from it?
Well there is a child now, I heard it was born prem (I think in NICU), and the nurses there were instructed to wake the baby up at certain intervals/hours for feeds or something... but don't quote (or sue ;)) me on that.... no lawsuit no. She changed her mind what she was going to sue me on. It was gonna be that I publicly questioned her qualifications but changed to the fact we stated that she advocated cc or something. Ah well. All about money, how can you trust someone when they and their minions scout forums for places to post/promote then threaten to sue those who dare question. If what you do is good and works, then it will speak for itself. All that happened really is unprofessional.
Hi Heaven,
Apparently she has worked in daycare for more than 20 years and that's where she's developed her theories.
Claire
LOL Kelly!
Holy moses. It's a bit of a shame when people can't differentiate between a legitimate differing opinion and libel or slander.
A good friend of mine was due a couple of months before me in 2008, and she gave me Save Our Sleep before my bub arrived, telling me she'd read it cover to cover and thought it was the best thing ever. Well, not having had a baby before, it sounded like it made some sense to me. But by the time her baby arrived, she'd done a 180 degree reversal and told me to put it in the bin, which I duly did.
It would never have worked for us- after a month in the NICU, being tube fed and taking complementary bottle feeds, my bub needed to feed hourly to build up my breastmilk supply. After 8 weeks of doing that, we succeeded in ditching the comp feeds and at 14 months she's still fully breastfed (plus solids now, of course). I couldn't agree more that you need to follow your mothering instinct when it comes to matters like that.
It strikes me that the SOS method probably would work for older babies, but I can't imagine applying it my own newborn.
Anyway! That's a matter for another thread, I guess :)
Hi All,
I always recommend Dream Baby Guide. I have a 9 month old son who has had many sleep issues. Sheyne recommends positive routine management (RPM) in order to create peace at night time. She also highlights the strong need for communication. All of the mother in my mum group have had much success from this book with bub sleep 12 hours at night. I personally didnt need to allow my son to cry because the routine and communication helped so much that i didnt need to.
Some people may say that babies don't need routine. But they need to be empowered. They need to know what is going to happen during the day in order to feel less anxious. Dream Baby Guide touches all aspects not just sleep time. I paid $40 and i am so glad i did. I am constantly refering back to it.
Everyone i know personally that has brought it is glad they did.... it just makes sense.
I just read the thread completely, and just wanted to thank everyone. I agree, you learn a lot from these forums. Is great because you are not been told what to do but just reading the experiences of others and reflecting on your own situation really helps!!
I might actually buy that book now. I am always a bit unsure about buying books and look for loads of advice before hand. I think I might actually like this one. If not.. I will let you know!
yes.. I am a new user. But I have been reading from this forum from a while ago.. it is just that I am a lazzy writer. I have a 9 month old .. Before she was sleeping ok at night (she was waking twice but I didnt mind that) but now... like 7 or more times. it is horrible. and I can't keep up. I am also doing a pHD so... need some sleep!
I will let you know how I go. Not planning to go "by the book", I think I will just takes what suits.
will report back...
:) :dance:
Hey Aggwarrior - welcome to BellyBelly :)
Hi Aggwarrior and all,
I first commented back up-thread in message 24, way back in January. At the time my DD was 13 months old and had been sleeping beautifully for a couple of weeks after previously being in our bed and waking 8 times a night.
I just wanted to add a couple of comments now that I'm three months down the line, and DD is a very busy almost-17-month-old.
She's still sleeping in her cot every night from 8:30pm to 7:30am, though three or four nights a week she'll wake up once around 1am wanting some breastmilk (no surprise, since her first sentence, spoken last week, was "more boobs!"). When she's at her best (not sick, teething or any of the other complications we've had in recent months), she'll actually grizzle (not cry) for perhaps five minutes, then put herself back to sleep without the boobs. At the moment she has canine teeth coming through, so she needs some help to get back to sleep.
We still use the routine we developed using the Dream Baby Guide- pyjamas, two books, lights out, milk and cuddles, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, then some "shh, shh" verbal cues. Then we put her down and leave a hand on her back while she nods off. These days it's very rare for her to do anything other than go straight to sleep without a peep, and I'm usually out of her room within a minute of putting her in the cot. No tears, ever.
The perspective I wanted to add was on some of the actions the Dream Baby Guide asks you to do with regard to eating, nappy changes, and bedtime- in particular that you hold your baby down to define what you're asking when you say "lie down", or "sit still". Re eating, the guide also gets you to pin their arms and stuff food into their mouths even as they're yelling at you if they're trying to take control of eating time.
Well, all of these actions worked wonders for us when we first applied them. It wasn't like we had to do them all the time, either- after literally one session on the changing mat and in the high chair, our DD stopped her squirming and fighting and became a perfectly reasonable little person. Holding her down to show her what we meant by "lie down and go to sleep" is one of the reasons she's such a good sleeper these days.
BUT- I've found recently that we've lost a bit of consistency in how we get her to eat (just as an example). She's now big enough that she likes to sit at her little table, or even on a couple of big cushions at the big people's table. She's getting better and better at using a spoon and a fork, and though she doesn't get much in her mouth, she concentrates very hard indeed on getting it right, and hates to be rushed. To me, this is a really critical part of her learning to feed herself- practicing the use of utensils before she's perfect at it, and sitting with the family like a big girl. And I've found that the Rowley technique of pinning her arms and jamming food in her mouth is getting less and less effective- and it's actually causing all of us massive amounts of stress, not least her.
The need to physically battle her at every mealtime was getting so frustrating that I started to do some further research (on top of everything I'd looked at before getting the Dream Baby Guide), and I've since found a whole lot of sites that comment on the fact that toddlers won't voluntarily starve themselves. If they don't want to eat, the likelihood is they're not hungry. Their food intake is a lot lower than it was at various points in toddlerhood. And on top of all that, stuffing food into them when they've clearly indicated they don't want more is a potential pathway to compulsive overeating in the future (they learn that even if you feel full, you keep eating).
So, my approach has changed. I'm now focussed on making mealtime more fun for her, and as soon as she tells me she's finished (she brushes her hands together in an "all done" motion), I take the food away. Within a few days of that, I could see that she had come to trust me to listen to her again, and she started eating a lot better. She's not very interested at all in me feeding her with a spoon at the moment, and she's not very good at eating with a spoon herself yet, so I try to give her a lot of finger food (for example, she absolutely loves veggie risotto, so I've started making it into little patties, coating them in breadcrumbs, and dry-frying them for her). Chicken fingers, diced steamed veggies, mini quiches- anything like that she really loves. In the meantime, she eats a stack of fruit (both dried and fresh) for snacks. She's still not eating anywhere near what I'd like her to, but she's still gaining weight, so I'm confident she's getting enough food.
Anyway! I just wanted to add this for those who are finding the thread and reading through the lot. The principles of the Dream Baby Guide have completely changed our lives- but we've adapted them fairly significantly to suit our needs. At 17 months we have a child who's been sleeping beautifully for four months, but who's still a little fussy when it comes to eating. But at the same time, she's happy, she's healthy, and we're doing much better without the added stress of trying to force her to eat.
Oh, and I'm reading my next parenting book- The Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Dr. Harvey Karp. His Happiest Baby DVD saved our sanity when DD was 8 weeks old- I haven't finished reading yet, but I'll be sure to post about it when I'm done, assuming it makes a difference!
Claire
I cannot recommend Sheyne more highly. Her methods are very sound, and she has an amazing understanding of kids. She came to my home for my then 2 1/2 year old (who never slept!) and she sorted out my 6 month old via email and a detailed routine. I was skeptical I'll admit - but I had a baby that slept 12 hours that night and I never looked back. The toddler got sorted out as well. I have complete faith in her methods, and she saved my sanity, I was doing it very tough. I had tried Tizzie Hall along with control crying - neither of these worked for my kids - but I have found Sheyne spot on - give it a go, you've got nothing to lose.
I have also bought her book - not for myself so much, but for one day when my children have their own kids.
I find those 'techniques' terribly disturbing, I am gobsmacked that anyone would advocate something like that.:
I am so pleased you found better information - it shouldn't be so stressful.
I've got 3 kids, ranging between 'eat everything' to terribly picky - none of them starved.
I will also say I was hassled to eat when I was a child and it's resulted in an awful relationship with food that took me until about 25 to start to try and resolve and it continues until this day.
Goodluck with your peaceful mealtimes xoxoxo
Thanks Lulu :)
I'm probably making those techniques sound a lot worse than they are- the primary focus, first and foremost, is on communicating with your child and helping them to developing an understanding of what you're asking them to do (through role playing with a doll and the like) so that you don't actually have to get to that point. The pinning them down to define what you're asking is not supposed to be a solution for every mealtime, and it really did work instantaneously for us at first.
That being said, while I was frustrated enough to try it in the first place, I'm uncomfortable continuing with it for more than a couple of instances for some of the same reasons you mention- primarily because I have my own awful relationship with food that comes from a power struggle with my parents when I was a kid. I've also seen my sister-in-law hospitalised with anorexia from a whole raft of different food issues, and there's no way I want to make mealtimes anything but fun for my daughter.
These kinds of ideas seem to come from the school of thought that toddlers should really behave just like little adults, when that's completely silly. They're toddlers! I know I'll have hugely different perspectives on just about everything when we eventually add some siblings to our family for DD :)
Absolutely!
Although I think toddlers are alot smarter than those books credit them for ;)
They understand sitting at the table to eat with the family is dinner/lunch time - if they have that example set for them.
Best techniques I used. Child won't eat - I start picking food off their plate - oh some of them hate that! And finish their meal.
The good old "just try it". If they don't - no big deal.
No dessert - I don't know any child who doesn't go for that. You can always get one or two spoonfuls in that way. Again if they don't eat, I never make a big deal, they just don't get dessert.
I involved mine in the entire preparation process, even from the high chair. Peeling potatoes, putting them in the pot, explaining what I'm doing. Letting them have a go at mashing etc. Asking if they think it needs a splash of milk yadda yadda.
Also growing something edible in your garden, with the little ones watering it then picking the produce and preparing it in the kitchen is a great way to establish a good relationship with food. It needn't be confined to the high chair or dinner table!
Yeah, I agree with Lulu, dessert is only ever on offer here if you're still hungy, ie you've finished your dinner. Some nights DD will make a real effort to finish her dinner because she r-e-a-l-l-y wants dessert, only to decide after an extra couple of spoonfuls, "I'm full, Mum, I'll have dessert tomorrow night instead." To be able to self-moderate her food makes me feel good about her relationship with eating.
I can't imagine how I'd feel if someone tried to force me to eat. :o
The happiest baby DVD seemed to be somewhat less intrusive to me, so I'd be interested to hear what you thought of the happiest toddler book.