5 weeks and one day pregnant today. Still early days and over the past week my boobies have been "gearing" up but today, oh today, they have just ramped it up a notch and the No Touch Policy has just been enforced, so I sent this message to my DH and thought I'd share it with you gals.

"IMPORTANT NOTICE. PLEASE READ.

Please be advised that a strict "No Touch" policy has been enforced in regards to your wife's breasts. This means, to be explicit because, as a man, we all know you have "natural urges", you may look but there is not be no touching whatsoever. Your wife's breasts, while they may still look like fun, are in in fact no longer "fun bags" there just for joy. They are now vessles of milk production preparing to nourish your offspring.

Please be aware that if you fail to comply to this policy your wife may just have a "natural urge" to smack you in the head, stamp on your feet and knee you in the crotch.

Kisses and hugs, your darling wife."


I think I might have to write a subclause that reads something about if "looking" is deemed at any given time to be irritating, unncessary, inappropriate or anything really for that matter, your wife reserves the right to issue consequences at her discretion. Please note though that any pain you are caused during this time is purely the "hormones" and you have no rights whatsoever to "blame" your darling wife. She is only fulfilling a "natural urge" to reproduce. You will just have to cop it.