Hi everyone,

I've just come back on this forum for the first time in a few months, although
I've just noticed old posts from me still hanging around on this thread. Not easy to see - I'll admit.

I miscarried my first pregnancy at around 5/6 weeks. Found out at the dating scan. I know it was early still, but after years and years of fertility problems I was crushed, as anyone would be.

This morning I took a pregnancy test - and got a positive result. I'm still not 100% believing it yet - need to take more tests to make sure it's not false, but I guess it looks positive.

The thing is, I'm having really mixed feelings about it. All I want is to be a Mum, but after the trauma of losing my first baby I'm just terrified it's going to happen again. I'm not sure I can handle it. I know it's traumatic for everyone, but I was severely let down by my doctor who was rude and showed a serious lack of professionalism so I was completely unaware of what my body was going to go through ("silly woman, they think too much - let me do that. I'm the doctor") Then I had complications... Anyway, this is a happy place - not dwelling on that

I don't know. I'm just scared and feeling alone with none to talk to. My hubby is FIFO so he's not here to chat through things with. Even when I've spoken to him today he's been super cautious and 'flat'. I KNOW he's just trying to protect me and not get too excited yet, but I need someone to talk to about this! Last time it was before Christmas we found out so we had to tell family - there was no way I was getting away without drinking and not having anyone guess! This time, I'm determined not to tell. I want to know everything is looking good before I do that.

I'm just confused. I need someone I can go mad with. I need someone who can be happy for me and understand what - as a woman in my position - I'm going through.

Any thoughts or advice would be welcome - I don't want to feel this lonely when I'm supposed to be feeling elated! xx