How many times have you been pregnant? *Sensitive topic*

The miscarriage stats are skewed because they dont allow for if there was a medical reason for miscarriage, for termination and so on.

Ive seen a very well known miscarriage specialist and when we discussed my losses he said the "normal" miscarriage stats are 1 in 6. For women like me with a disorder that can (and more often than not does) cause miscarriage and stillbirth, its more like 1 in 4. For me based off my miscarriage vs live birth stats, it's 1 in 2.

1 in 2 is a pretty scary thing to hear.

If I follow the plans he's set for me before and during pregnancy is should raise my stats back to 1 in 4, if not 1 in 6.

So while yes the miscarriage stats are quite heartbreaking to hear, there are alot of factors that go into infuencing it and it usually becomes a case by case basis not an overall figure for every women of child bearing age. And its not always stagnate either, it can be changed.

And I also want to say, I have very nearly been on both sides of the losing a pregnancy equation. Ive had 5 first trimester losses and they broke my heart. I completely understand that pain.

Ive also been within a hairs breath of feeling the unimaginable pain of losing a baby in the 2nd trimester. I am forever grateful we got to take him home happy and healthy in the end but when nurses start talking to you about funerals and baptising and grief counsellors, and everything is out of your control and up to higher powers; if the pain I touched on in those horrifying hours is even a minute glimpse of what it feels like to have to go home without a baby to hold; I can assure you its heart SHATTERING. And thats not even doing it justice. It gave me a renewed admiration, respect and sympathy for those who've been there. The experience I had scarred me for life and we were one of the lucky ones!

ETA - I dont talk about what we went through in Ds2's pregnancy because it almost seems..........disrespectful because we got to take him home. I really hope I dont offend anyone because like I said, I KNOW the pain I felt is nothing compared to those who've walked that path to the end.

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I get what you mean, PZ. I don't have my losses in my sig, I don't talk about them... I honestly don't mourn or grieve. They weren't babies to me, it was too early on.

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As much as i can't imagine (and never want to know) the grief of losing a term baby that i could never take home, i just wanted to say, for me, i bonded with each of my babies from the moment i knew about them. i don't know if our journey to parenthood changed that aspect of things for me, but i certainly can't say i loved or bonded with DD more at 20 weeks than i did at 4. i can't say that the love i had for her throughout the pregnancy was any different to the love i had for each of our angels

i think everyone is going to feel different about things depending on the path they've walked, throughout their entire life. when you haven't felt the grief of losing a term baby, which i haven't, i think it would be fair to say the most painful thing you can experience is losing a child at any point - be it soon after finding out about a pregnancy, or 6 weeks later. the reality, for those that have had both early and late losses, is surely a situation where one pain doesn't compare to the other. i hope to never know a pain greater than what i have felt.

i also accept that, for many, an embryo or early fetus doesn't equal a baby, and they don't feel that degree of hurt at an early loss - i respect that - as i said - different journeys and different beliefs leave us feeling differently about things

reading this thread, my heart hurts that so many people have had to feel so much pain

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I guess it comes down to personal opinion as well then. For me, I don't mind so much that they died, because of my religious beliefs regarding death - my problem is that I have no photos, no ashes, not even a gender. I guess you've hit a nerve with me, but I do understand what you're saying :hug:

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I agree it kills me that if the topic of my 1st pregnancy comes up people just bruch it off cos "it wasn't a real baby. Well i'm sorry but i was pregnant therefore there was a baby! Missed miscarriage (went for my 12week scan and baby had died at 8w) It hurts not knowing what sex bub was, what bub looked like. I see what you're saying that a full term loss is "worse" but i don't feel that any loss should be seen as unimportant and i did feel that maybe it was implied that early losses don't really matter... Or maybe i'm over sensitive today.

To answer your question blessed at last 4 pregnancies, 1 missed m/c, 2 DD's and one still baking.

I agree losses are all different and all relative. For me, my miscarriage was early. I was devastated, utterly devastated. I wished I had never been pregnant in the first place because it was too much pain to handle.. Fast forward to the twins death and I think holy crap, that was nothing.. I have absolutely "gotten over" my miscarriage. Having said that, I still think of it and sometimes think about how old it would be etc but it's not painful to think about anymore. (I also still have the positive preg test somewhere)

The twins death is so different. Although on a pain scale I would rate the twins death as 1000000000000000 times more painful than the miscarriage, I am still glad I fell pregnant. For me those babies made me a mother. My M/C didn't. I can never imagine "getting over" the twins death. they will be part of my life forever..

I am also grateful to have never had a stillborn. Again my twins deaths were different. I feel so so grateful that I had the privilege of holding my babies alive and seeing their eyes open (If only for a second). It breaks my heart to try to imagine what it would be like to birth your dead baby, and never see them alive..

Then on this pregnancy now, although for me in a nutshell, the miscarriage I had doesn't mean much compared to the twins death, if I had lost this one it would have had a different pain because of my experiences.. Everyone's loss is different, and relative to their experience.

I am so proud of myself, because it's been hard sometimes, but I have allowed myself to have hope and believe. I have enjoyed this pregnancy on the whole, although it has been tinged with anxiety and sadness. Now I'm over that 24wk milestone I am believing more and more everyday that I could take this baby home.. I am also grateful that I had a milestone to get past and I have.. Once again, i could never imagine what it would be like to have had a full term stillbirth.. It still crosses my mind that I'm no where near home and hosed yet, but for me and my experiences in my mind my chances are pretty good.

I hope that all made sense!

ETA: BG I agree, I think when it takes you a while to conceive, maybe you bond quicker? I don't think I bonded with my pregnancies more during the later stages, but I still think losing the twins was much harder than a miscarriage..

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I don't think you can even compare a very early mc to a full term loss though.

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with all due respect it does not mean that the pregnancy or baby are not missed dearly or that parents of early losses don't feel the weight of the loss just because it was not a full term baby.

Yes they are different but I feel the loss of my 3 early miscarriages. It is different to the loss of Niki but they still had and continue to have an impact on how much/little anxiety I feel during pregnancy.

They cannot be compared to each other but for those that feel its "less significant" ....... well frankly its insulting!

this is pregnancy #4 for me
1st was a m/c
2nd was my gorgeous ds who is soon to turn 4 :o
3rd another m/c
4th is baking now, my fingers are crossed its a sticky one :)

2 pgs - one DD and a second DD still baking. I am very, very blessed.

Tashy - your story and others like you were an inspiration to me this time around. While TTC didn't take long, convincing DP to go for number two did (12 mths in fact), so I was determined to enjoy every day with this little one and not stress like I did with DD1. What you have said is exactly what I felt during my first pg, stressing about this stage and the next and so on. While in our case it didn't come to anything and just tarnished my pg experience, I thought this time around that no matter what happened I would enjoy whatever time I had. That this baby is still with me, whether on the inside or the outside, for as long as it is meant to be.

I probably didn't say that very well. :( But please rest assured, all of the stories, whether they be early or late losses, serve as a reminder to me to be grateful for what I have and I thank God every day. I take every one of your angels as a testament to the fragility of life and the courage we need to hope.

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with all due respect it does not mean that the pregnancy or baby are not missed dearly or that parents of early losses don't feel the weight of the loss just because it was not a full term baby.

They cannot be compared to each other but for those that feel its "less significant" ....... well frankly its insulting!

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I absolutely understand that, and just wanted to clarify that I do not at all feel that mothers who have experienced loss in the early stages of pregnancy feel pain that is any less valid than those who have lost their babies later in pregnancy, or to stillbirth or neonatal or child death. For me *personally*, I didn't count my losses as 'babies' and the pregnancies were unplanned (unlike my two DDs who were actively conceived and wanted right from the very start), but I can definitely respect that others don't share my feelings when it comes to their own losses. I just know that I personally am less attached to a pregnancy until I'm in the later part of the first trimester, and would be absolutely shattered to lose a baby late in pregnancy or at term or after, but my early losses didn't impact on me in a huge way like it does others. We all feel differently.

I know there's no "good" way to lose a baby, but for me at least, the way Ianto went would be the best/gentlest way. He was pretty much fully formed so I got to hold him and kiss him; I didn't have to watch him die in hospital or have him die suddenly when I thought he was okay once he was born; he didn't die during labour; according to the law, he was an actual person; and he was my first known pregnancy. Though on that last point, I think for me losing a subsequent baby rather than my first might gave been "better"...

I know having a baby die in any way is horrific, but I'm partly glad this is the way fate chose to take him. When I was pregnant with Amelia, I was more scared of miscarrying her than having another stillbirth. That thought process put a few people off, but it's just how I felt for *me*. I'm not going to say such-and-such shouldn't complain because this or that happened to this other person, because maybe Person Two feels Person One is worse off! It's a matter of your own perspective, not someone else's.

Right, now I'm going to go cry a bit. It's been a very emotional day.


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks ;)

i have had 8 pregnancies resulting in 6 babies
1- angel 1998 11.5 weeks
2- baby 2001
3- baby 2003
4- baby 2005
5- baby 2006
6- baby 2008
7- angel 2009 6.5 weeks
8- baby 2011

i've had 2 pregnancies resulting in 2 beautiful baby boys.

This thread makes me cry. All those babies that were never born. So sad.


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I am very lucky to have had 3 pregnancies resulting in 3 healthy boys.

It is through forums and discussions like these, and through my friends and sisters losses that i have realised just how common it is, and just how lucky i am!

5 pregnancies, 6 babies.....1 living take home bubba (connor had a twin that didn't make it)

2 pregnancies 1 8wk m/c, 1 take home baby.

3 pregnancies all m/c before 8 weeks.

I have been very lucky and blessed to have had 2 pregnancies and 2 beautiful girls.

I have had just the one pregnancy which was a missed miscarriage. Bubs died at 6-7 weeks. Currently in the TWW.

Just wanted to say that as horrific as the pain I'm feeling about losing my baby is at the moment I still feel somewhat blessed that it was an early loss, naturally, and I'm still very healthy. I can't imagine how it must feel to lose a child later on, to have fertility issues, health issues. I still feel like I'm one of the lucky ones. That said, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. But everybody has their own story. It isn't right or wrong just different.

My heart, too, breaks reading this thread and learning of all the lost little ones. But it also swells with hope and admiration at the strength of women who have been crushed, sometimes just once, sometimes more and are still standing brave and strong. My heart is filled with hope at the many many beautiful babies that have been born, taken home and loved and are now growing as part of families. And the thought of all those to come. Isn't that such a beautiful thing. And isn't it why we go through this heartache and pain, whether it be short or long term, in TTC, trying to stay pregnant or willing our early or sick babies to be strong. In the hope that we may know them and watch them grow. I know it's difficult, I'm struggling at the moment with it every day but let's focus on how beautiful pregnancy and birth and parenthood will be or is. At the end of the journey when we have our fat healthy babies in our arms isn't it worth it?

Not sure what my point is but just felt like I wanted to share these thoughts. Much love to all of you amazing women, reading all of your stories on this forum inspires me.

I hope I haven't offended anyone.


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2 pregnancies.

One m/c at 8 weeks, and one living child, a little boy.

4 pg... 3 boys... 1 bubby gone to angel heaven at around 10 weeks.

Beautiful Teni. I think that's the thing every person is going to react differently to everything that has happened to them than another person might. It doesn't make the feelings of anyone any less valid just different. Comparison doesn't get anyone anywhere. Everyone is different, everyone's pain is different and everyone grieves differently no matter how similar or how different the loss is.

:grouphug:

This is pregnancy #6 for me. I have 2 DD's.

Miscarriage at 12 weeks.
Termination
Silent Miscarriage at 8 weeks.

1 Pregnancy, 1 gorgeous little girl <3

This is my second pregnancy and today it is exactly halfway along :D first one was a missed miscarriage at my 12 week scan I don't even know when it passed or what it was :( I didn't give it a name and I know I'd be a lot more devastated if I was to lose this one at this later stage, but it will always be a baby to me, my baby, and I believe I will see it one day when God calls me home :)


Sent from my iPod touch - sorry for any mistakes!

2 pregnancies and 2 sweet boys, I too didnt know how common losing a baby was. I am very blessed :hug:

The pain we feel as a result of baby loss (at any stage) is individual. It can't be compared. I do remember though, after I m/c my first pg "better now than later". I was still crushed, but told myself next time would be different. I made the decision to let go of any anxiety and just love this baby for as long as he was with me. And it was a blissful pg. I brought home my darling son.

BUT- and I hope this doesn't offend anyone- I was by far left more scarred and traumatised by DS's birth than my m/c. The things I endured and the fear I felt was so much more powerful than having a m/c at home. Waking up on full life support was terrifying. When I heard how close I came to death it shook me to my core. I'm still working through the aftermath. And I got to take my baby home.

I can't imagine the pain of leaving the hospital empty handed. I left that place with my son, but the experience and the fear still haunts me. I'm thankful to be alive at all, and sometimes feel guilty for feeling this way when others went home empty handed. I NEED to birth again to heal my heart.

I hope my thoughts haven't offended anyone. Just my personal experience with grief, loss and trauma.

3 pregnancies (1 mc at 8 wks and then my 2 girls).

Forshelby - After what you went through, I don't think many (if any) people would blame you for feeling that way :hug:


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14 pregnancies 9 live births mostly lost one inbetween each live birth, The pain of any loss never leaves you at all you just learn to live with it but when you finally get a take home baby then the pain does ease for a while but you never forget the babies you didn't get to hold ! they are always with you every day !

1st preg 1985 boy
2nd preg mc 16wks
3rd preg 1991 boy
4th preg mc 9wks
5th preg 1995 girl
6th preg 1996 boy
7th preg mc 9wks
8th preg 2001 boy
9th preg 2002 boy
10th preg 2004 girl
11th preg mc 8wks
12th preg 2005 girl
13th preg 2008 boy
14th preg mc sept 2009 13wks

Thanks, Teni. The validation does help. Just knowing how deep my own wounds are makes my heart break for mummas who didn't get their take-home baby. I just can't imagine what that must be like. I hope I never find out.

Every day I tell myself: "This will be your weakness, or your greatest strength". I choose strength. Most days... :shakehead: but it's hard.

I can't remember who said it but I agree - The women who have suffered multiple losses, stillbirths etc are my inspiration. If they can find the strength, then so can I. I've been through much much less than they have. I never knew such strength and courage existed. I think of some of you in particular daily, and try to learn from your wisdom and bravery. :hug:

3 x pregnancies

1 early m/c
1 beautiful heathly baby boy
1 in the making

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I've been through much much less than they have. I never knew such strength and courage existed. I think of some of you in particular daily, and try to learn from your wisdom and bravery. :hug:

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No you haven't. None of us have been through any 'less' that the other. We have all had our own journeys and we all deal differently. Just because you haven't had more losses than the next person makes your journey any less difficult FOR YOU. Is is all totally individual and noone has any more or less 'right' to be more or less traumatised or upset by their paths on which life takes them.

Forshelby in a way I do understand where you are coming from.
Watching what my DS4 (born at 25 weeks) went through, how sick he was and how close we came to losing him (and I do know how very lucky we are that he come home 15 weeks later, I am no way comparing it to those that have tragically lost little ones) was extremely hard and a very painful journey, for me it was more painful and traumatic then my miscarriage.
Watching him struggle and suffer was the hardest thing that I have done.
Pain and trauma is very much relative to each individuals experience.
My heart goes out to all the lovely ladies who have tragically lost a little one at any stage of their pregnancy.

2 pregnancies here...

1st one ended at 22w with pre term delivery
2nd one result in our princess

im still stunned at how common a loss is, whether it be early, or late i never imganined so many people would suffer a loss

2 pregnancies, one lost angel at 9 weeks and one precious daughter born :)

I have 5 children at home, and my beautiful little lady, who is no longer with us.

I have had 1 pregnancy and have 1 beautiful baby boy - I feel very blessed.

Wow this thread has really touched me. It is so painful to see how many have suffered losses - late or early. The thought of it breaks my heart in pieces - especially now being a mother and knowing the depth of love you feel for your child; your flesh and blood. My heart really goes out to you all.


Sent from my iPhone more than likely while I should be doing something else!

8 pregnancies - 1st 6 ivf
1 ruptured ectopic
5 mc
Then 2 natural miracles - both earthside in my arms :)

2 pregnancies, 2 girls. My second though was very touch and go, threatened miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks, then almost lost her again at the end, it is actually a miracle that she (and I) came out of that experience without damage.