but please do try and understand. I have been tossing up for months where to post this, and I am going to put it here, but if anyone feels it would be better somewhere else, please feel free to move it.
Anyway - I have 100% decided against vaxing Phoebe before - at least - her first birthday. DH is a little iffy about the reasons but it would take an understanding of the bizarrely similar roads mine and my sisters lives have taken. Kassidy was her 6th baby - 3rd daughter. We both had a girl and a boy with our xh - then girl, two boys and another girl with our current husband/partner. She even suffered traumatic blood loss in a miscarriage when I had my pregnancy with Lyta that ended with a severe pph. All most all of our pgs have been 'synchronous'.
I am not a religious person - but I was praying for a boy. I don't think I have ever sounded so unhappy to a sonographer. I wasn't disappointed - I am scared. I have been for a while - thats why I am here at BB. I always figured that I have to do it all different to her, change whatever the hell I have to to protect my baby. I am not even sure how I am going to sleep for the first year.
Normally I would be more rational about these things - even with the pph/mc, I still have my baby (not meant as bad as that sounds and I am terribly sorry if it upsets anyone)... I am trying to be positive, I really am - but this fear is eating away at me. The closer I get, the worse it gets. I guess its why a lot of the information I am taking on and involving myself in atm revolves around my beautiful nieces short life.
I do many things differently to her. She is a 'safe sleeper' and I co-sleep. She goes formula and I try desperately to bf for as long as possible. She prams, I sling.
So why am I so still scared? - and how can I deal with it before my baby gets here? How am I to cope when she does? What else can I do to help put my mind at ease? Any advice, no matter how small or insignificant it seems would be seriously appreciated right now.
My understanding from reading another thread is that your niece died within 24 hours of a vacc. Is that correct? I don't know how old she was though.
I can see why you are fearful. The death of a child is a horror too painful to contemplate. It is tragic that your sister has experienced it. I think it is easy to experience fear during pregnancy.It doesn't matter how many other babies we have had. Are you fearful that your daughter may die at the same age that Kassidy was? Or that she will die if she is vacc. (not ncecessarily at the same age)?
I hope you don't mind me asking, but I am trying to gain a better understanding of your fears. It is apparent that these fears have played on your mind for months and it must be emotionally exhausting for you. Has it affected your ability to enjoy your pregnancy?
It doesn't matter how many times someone may tell you that a fear is irrational, it feels real and valid for the person experiencing it. I don't know how to make your fear dissipate. Do you feel that there is a certain milestone that you need to reach, for example, your daughter being older than Kassidy was when she died?
Last edited by *Ash*; May 5th, 2009 at 08:43 PM.
: misspell
Sorry for not filling in the blanks. I keep forgetting that I am 'all over the place' emotionally and post wise regarding this.
Kassidy was 2m and 8 days when my sister discovered her not breathing in her bassinet when she went to get her ready to take the kids to school. The conclusion was SIDS - which anyone who has been there knows that that isn't a cause - its a lack of cause. A "diagnosis of exclusion" I think they call it. And yes, only the afternoon prior, Kassi had had her 2m vaccinations.
I guess it wouldn't affect me as much if so many other things we not so similar. Also this will be my first baby since it happened. Perhaps I haven't worked through the grief as much as I thought I had. Maybe even a normal fear for a family that has been so close to this. But right now I feel like telling people to invest in redheads, because I know I wont sleep well. It took 2 weeks for me to start sleeping again after Sam almost drowned. SIDS can happen up to 12 months so I know I wont be comfortable until at least her first birthday.
I am not entirely sure what I hope to achieve. Maybe a bit more info here and there that I havent heard of. Maybe just someone to stop me losing my mind slowly... I just really needed to get it out - to people not so close to the core of my fear. Either way, thank you all for listening.
I can't say that I've been through the same thing because A. I don't have a sister and B. this is my first pregnancy, but to tell you the truth, my best friend has suffered 3 miscarriages in the past 12 months and it was only after reading your post that it dawned on me that I have been doing EVERYTHING to be completely the opposite of her in order to protect my little Sprout inside of me.
I don't think you're being irrational - not in the least. But maybe remind yourself when you're feeling really anxious that you have 5 other children to whom I can only assume you've been a stellar goddess of a Mum and whatever decisions you make re sleeping, vaccinations, etc... they will be the best ones for Phoebe because you absolutely KNOW what you're doing.
No one can predict the future unfortunately but here's my advice: you know how they say that when you flip a coin there is always a 50/50 chance of heads or tails? When there have been 72 heads in a row, a lot of people will bet their house that the next one HAS to be tails, but in actual fact the odds are still the same: 50/50. Your sister and yourself had 5 pregnancies coincide, that DOESN'T mean that the 6th will. Not at all.
Sorry if this wasn't much help or long-winded at all but I just really wish I could give you the biggest hug IRL and I guess this is the next best thing.
This may sound irrational ...
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it doesn't matter if a fear is irrational - it is still real.
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