thread: PG teenager. What to do?

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Apr 2007
    Perth, Australia
    744

    PG teenager. What to do?

    I have a legal, ethical and moral dilema.

    I'm not sure where to start, so I will just write it as it comes.

    Background:
    I have a friend who met a man, now aged 26, they got engaged, then he found out he had testicular cancer. He called the relationship off, but she stuck by him. They got back together, but not re-engaged, he had alot of debt that she did not what to inherit. Anyway they decided to have a baby. When she was about 12 weeks along he went back to work, he had not been working for over a year due to his cancer and ongoing battles with pain. He was working long hours and their relationship was getting rocky. She then started hearing rumours that he was having multiple liasions with other women. She choose to ignore alot of these rumours until she heard one that she knew was true and then decided to leave. He kept denying the accusations, then she heard about this 15yr old he had hooked up with. Before long the 15yr old moved in with him. The 15 yr old is registered for centerlink benefits, but they have not disclosed the true nature of their relationship. My friends couisn has called centerlink to spill the beans, so to speak. Not sure of what has happened. This guy has not contributed anything towards his baby, he only has to pay $10 week in child support, which he has not paid yet. It is so low because he has not worked. He only just submitted his last 3yrs of tax returns to get the goverment stimulus bonus, he got back $5000 so he and 15 yr old went on holiday to NSW.

    Anyway my friend just called and told me 15 yr old is now PG about 12 weeks along and engaged. My dilema is I'm a nurse and there is legislation about having to report any suspected cases of sexually abuse that you come across as part of paid or voluntary work.
    I have not come across this info via work, but feel that this man is taking advantage of his position/situation. My friend is denying him access to his child because he has not contirbuted anything towards his child. He is not paying because she is not letting his 15yr old GF to have access to his child.
    Personally I think my friend was stupid for decided to have a baby with him in the first place. I think he did not truely beleive he could have children, esp after having a testicle removed and undergoing chemo. Towards the end of the PG he started making accuasions about the baby not being his, but there is no denying paternity looking at the child. I think he has used his current position to take advantage of this 15yr old, to make her beleive they will be together forever, despite him telling his ex that he thinks he will be dead in 2 yrs. That he is now speading his seed, so to speak since he does not see himself being around for many years to come. That by getting this 15 yr old PG he will have a control over her, she will not be able to leave even if she wanted to. He was never physically abusive towards my friend, by did punch walls, I think there is potential for physical abuse. He spent far too much time drinking. He lives in a 1 bed room un-insulated converted farm shead, which has mice and ****roaches, the house on the property is not much better, currently his transgender father/mother lives in.
    The 15 yr old mother seems to condone the relationship, though have heard horrified about PG. Originally his mother did not condone the relationship, but since the PG has changed her tune. My friend has allowed the grandparents access to her child, but now re-evaluating the situation. They have only contributed a little towards the child.

    I know his name and address and her first name. I was thinking about calling crime stoppers and leaving an annomyes (sp) tip. I felt this way from the beginning, but decided to leave it alone, it wan't my place. The 15yr old mother knew. My mum told me to butt out.

    Also forgot to mention, this will be his 3rd engagment and 2nd baby. Never married.

    What do you think I should do?

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Oct 2008
    brisbane australia
    840

    this is awful! he is a peadophile, end of story, im an RN too and you legally dont have to report this as she isnt your patient, but geez i would be the same as you, wanting to do something about this, where are her parents? soooo sad she is still a child and i have no blame towards her. Its such a whirlwind, and your poor friend! i would ring the local police station and inquire as to what the steps are to report peadophilia, or statutory rape, because he is sexually abusing a child even though she gives consent, ppl still go to jail for this, like that female teacher who slept with her 13 year old student even though it was willingly done on his behalf, but how does a child have the right mind to make that decision they dont, she needs to be protected by the ADULTS in society and i believe there must be SOMETHING that can be done about this. she is pregnant to him so thats proof.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Feb 2009
    2,031

    I am probably going to agree here. Leaving an anon tip with crimestoppers is probably the way to go. I know you have been told to butt out - but what is going on is illegal, and now this poor girl has to live with the consequences of that. If her mother isnt going to protect her from herself - then someone has to!

    On a small less important aside, it could also help your friend with custody issues of her baby.

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Feb 2008
    1,163

    Whoa!

    Situations like this are so complicated...

    I guess I would be thinking pretty seriously about informing the cops. For me, I would be telling the police because it is a 'man' having sexual relations with a 'child' but I would not be doing it because he has had 3 engagements a 2 children. The real issue for me is the age of consent issue.

    Oh what a mess... I hope it all turns out ok.

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Dec 2008
    8,986

    I am probably going to agree here. Leaving an anon tip with crimestoppers is probably the way to go. I know you have been told to butt out - but what is going on is illegal, and now this poor girl has to live with the consequences of that. If her mother isnt going to protect her from herself - then someone has to!

    On a small less important aside, it could also help your friend with custody issues of her baby.
    100% agree with Inertia here. Report it for the friend and her child. There is no way I'd ever want my children near that situation.

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Add Cupcake on Facebook

    Nov 2008
    North Haven, NSW
    3,474

    Oh my. Do not envy your position. Maybe you need to leave an anonymous tip. If it were me and something were to happen to this girl and i didn't say anything i could only imagine the guilt i would feel....at 15 she probably thinks she is in love and will live happily ever after, it is completely the adults responsibility to recognise this situation is NOT ok and not enter into a "relationship" with this girl. If that all makes sense...good luck hun with whatever it is you decide!!

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Jan 2009
    Dulwich Hill, Sydney
    23

    What a terrible situation for all...so sorry you are in this position.

    For what it's worth...I believe there is a child being abused in this situation. A 15 year old is still a child legally, emotionally, mentally and even physically. You are right, this man is in a position of control over her and power, and I believe she is in real danger. As hard as it may seem, I don't think you have option to "butt out"...this child needs help and unfortunately you're the one who is in a position to make sure that those who can help know that she needs it.

    Best of luck to you - you're in my thoughts.

  8. #8
    Registered User
    Add ~Serenity~ on Facebook

    Dec 2008
    Perth
    2,030

    i totally agree something needs to be done when me and my ex were both turning 18 he left me for a 13 yr old he was the same punching walls throwing stuff etc i called the police but they said that either the girl or her gaurdian had to call or there was nothing they can do..pretty lame really but thats in wa so it might be diff. there and that was 7 yrs ago

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Apr 2007
    Perth, Australia
    744

    MHB: Calling the police station may be a good place to start, I can at least ask questions to find out what they think.

    Inertia: Yes my friend and I have discussed the bonus of having this situation as a plus for custody. Not that he can fight it anyway, he has no money.

    Jackrose: I would be making the report because I have serious concerns for the girl and her baby, not as a revengful action on behalf of my friend. The fact he cannot commit was just an example of his instability.

    Tinkerbell: It was precicely this reason my freind does not want him to be able to take her child beoynd her sight.

    amy: I agree, he should not have ever made a move on a 15yr old.

    ksp: Thanks for you support, I think I must act. Though will take some time for find out the legal ramifications.

    Heavenly: I'm WA and I was thinking this might have been the case, her mother knows about the relationship, so if she doesn't mind, who am I to judge.