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Thank you mel, right now i dont think i would be very good company, i just keep staring at the computer and crying, i feel so numb.
I havent even feed kainne breakfast, i keep thinking why, what did i do, why is mother nature doing this to me, and of course i get the whole thing from my mum about u already have 5 kids, maybe ur uterus cant handle any more, maybe there was something wrong with it, of course they are the logical answers, but i dont want logic, i wanna have a baby at xmas, i wanna still be pregnant!!!
I want my husband here with me,!
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Sending more cyber hugs your way Anila. Again I am so very sorry your going thru this and alone as well. When I told my family I was expecting last yr after 2 m/c's they said Ohh isnt it too soon, you only just m/c'd. I also had the bleeding very early on and so wanted to hold onto hope and still I kept getting the same reply, Ohhh its too early, Ohh you already have 4kids blah blah blah. That is certainly not what I wanted to hear then, I wanted someone to tell me all would be ok, which thankfully it was, not the best of pgcy's but at least I have V now. Even now where ever we go, Ohh your not going to have anymore are u? Thats it isnt it? Like come on, noone is asking them to raise my kids for me, its none of their business. So I really do feel for you, having to hear all these comments and to so desperately want to hold onto your bub, and feeling all alone. I hope for some miracle for you honey and you do get to hold your precious bub come xmas no matter how many children you have, it certainly doesnt make the pain any less difficult.
I wish I could help make that pain of yours go away. Hugs
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hugs hunny, im so sorry that you have to go through this....you deserve this baby and you have so much love to give and dont let anyone get you down....when these things happen its usually out of your hands
:hug:
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Well i managed a shower and breakie for kainne, i tried to clean, but when i move i get all crampy, so ill just sit and stare at the computer for just a bit longer, my eyes are burning, and my head hurts.
I have managed some interaction with the kids in the form of changing nappies and faking a smile.
I am a lot older now than when i was when i had my first angel baby, yet the emotions and feelings are all still the same, i feel like a little girl who needs their mum.
I feel lost all lost and numb.
I dont know how other women cope through this, im definatly not strong.
Mum also said well at least u know u can get pregnant, yeah, thanks for trying to put a positive spin on it, but its not what i want to hear.
im so mad, if it is going to be over why does it have to drag on, why did it have to start slowly on fri, why cant it just hurry up and happen so i can get on with dealing with it.
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Its not looking good, its still so heavy looking, its only just started to slowly come on to the pad, but its so heavy when i wipe and so full of clots, ill be very suprised if they see a heart beat on monday.
and the cramps, they are not as bad as i remember with my first angel, but he was 11 weeks, so i dont know if being further along makes it more painful, it just hurts.
im sorry if this is tmi for some people, i just have no one here, and i need to get it out, i cant bottle it up...
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let it out hun. you never know how much your words might help someone else that has to go through the tragedy that you are now. we are all here to listen and i realise that our words probably don't help much but we say them anyways. my prayers are going out to you today to give you strength.
much love
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Anila, like Liz said, all of us at BB are here for you in your time of need. Bottling it up won't do anyone any good, so share with us whatever you need.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this, and I wish Dan was there to comfort you. Men often deal with pain in their own way, and maybe by distancing himself from you, this is his way.
Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family sweetie :hug:
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Anila sweetie I just read and I'm so sorry. I wish I had caught wind of this so I could have been there from the start. I so know what you are going through I was there last month and I know it's hard. You don't know why and wonder what you've done. I wish I could come give you a big hug. I really d give the best hugs but hubby said he wouldn't watch the kids while I flew over there.
Many hugs :hug::comfort::hug::comfort::hug:
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Just want to send you hugs Anila, sorry you have to go through this.
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Hun, I think you should call in some help, you dont have to be great company, you just need someone there to help, and allow you time to grieve. Take Mel up on her offer hun, you do not need to do this alone :comfort:
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Thankyou every one, my cousin insisted on comming over, she is 8 weeks pregnant and has just moved her from sa, she has been having some spotting also, although her bub has a heart beat, we were able to just chat about stuff and complain about our men, lol.
So i have had dry eyes for a few hours now, they are still puffy and i must look like a mess, but it was good to have company, better than what i was thinking it would be, i didnt even care that my house looked like it was trashed.
She made the suggestion that maybe i am loosing a twin?
But i dont think so, the hcg numbers were quite low, but even though when i wipe it looks like a period, it still has not filled a pad, which i am very suprised about.
I am hoping hubby will stay home tomorrow and i can change my ultra sound date to tomorrow.
I am just so tired now.
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:hug:
I am so glad you had some company for a while. It really does help.
I am not a strong person and i havent coped and i still am not coping. Each day is a little bit easier but it only takes 1 little thing to set me off.
I hope DH stays home for you and you are able to spend the time together.
Please be kind to yourself - this is not your fault.
I have been through this and i still dont know what to say - i dont know what the right words are......
You are constantly in my thoughts !!
Take care
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooo
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Hi Lisa,
Your cousin did the right thing on insisting on coming over. Sometimes we need people to be there even when we say no. Make sure you take something if the cramping gets bad and try and get an early night, your body will be exhauseted from being so upset.
I hope you start to feel better over the next few days. We are all here for you if you need us.
Love Bec
xx
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Oh Lisa :hug:
I am glad you have someone with you to help you through this even if it is just to off load ... we all need that.
I am still holding on to hope for you but I know how hard it is for you.
Wanna reach through the computer and give you a hug,
Nae x
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Hugs sweets. You are in my prayers
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Thank you Nae, im glad that u are still holding hope for me, but if im honest, i dont feel it, i dont feel the conection with this baby, i never felt it.
Last night while i cried myself to sleep, i rubbed my tummy and told bub, that it was ok, that although i loved him very much, it was ok to leave.
Part of me wants to say stay, dont give up just stay with me, but that would mean me being selfish, and thats not who i am, i understand why bub has to go, and i do know it was nothing that i did, although i question everything i did.
I really want to have my scan and see a bub with a heart beating so strong, but i really dont fell like that will happen, i am trying to accept it now as a loss, and if there is anything on that scan then it will be a blessing.
Hubby still refuses to take tomorrow off work, says we need the money.
He also said he was very hurt and sad by me saying that i hated him this morning, and i understand how he must feel, i dont hate him, i love him dearly.
He says he does care and i believe him.
But i need him, i need to just sit with him, hold his hand have his arm wraped around me.
I cant walk to pick up the kids from school as the longer i stand, the more gravity lets go, iykwim.
I felt calm after my cousin left, as i suppose i tried not to cry and take my mind off it, and mum came around tonight just to see how i was going.
I keep going to tear up now, but some thing stops me, maybe i have run out of tears....
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oh hunny i love ya and im sorry you have to go through this...im glad that you had your family there for support.....its sad that dan cant have time off work to be there for you too
Big Hugs
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Lisa, I'm so glad your cousin came over, even if to only be a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to. Again, I am so very sorry you are going through this :hug:, and I'm with Nae, I am holding onto even a tiny bit of hope that your bub is OK. I'm sending you as much strength and love I can muster, big hugs sweetie, thinking of you.
Please stick little one :pray::pray::pray:
Beata xxooxxoo
