Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss #9

Can I join in here too?

I am 6weeks pregnant today with what I am praying will be my last baby. I have 3 daughters and this is pregnancy number 9 for me. I've had 5 losses including 3 chemical pregnancies, PUL assumed ectopic that resolved on its own over a month and an ectopic where I lost my right tube. We have been ttc since my last DD was born in March 2011 bar a few months off for personal reasons and I was BF in 2011 so my cycles were pretty irregular.

I had a scan to check for ectopic as I was having a lot of lefted sided pain and given my history and the fact we know my left tube is damaged. It was a surprise and relief to find out bub made it to the right spot but too early to see a fetal pole or heartbeat. I was 5+4 then and have another scan booked for 8weeks. At the scan they discovered I have 3 left ovarian cysts causing me grief and hence the pain. There were more but one at collapsed and another the corpeous luteum cysts. The largest is around 8cm by 7cm.

Anyway hopefully I get to stay. I am very worried about loosing this pregnancy due to my history and I was not confident with my HCG levels. I also have not really had any signs except do currently feel nauseous so hopefully thats about to change.

Congratulations Mildez, your nervousness is completely understandable. I think I spent the first 10 weeks in disbelief that this baby would stick.
That sucks that you have the cysts, are they any concern except painful?

Keeping everything crossed for you for an uneventful pregnancy.

Myturn sorry I hadnt been in since you posted, I didnt get a notification :( not much longer to go now for you, cant wait to see you ba. I will be the one leaping about cheering :)

Oh mildez so happy for you - and as mummat said your anxiety totally makes sense - it's hard I enjoy it when you've has such bad experiences. I'm crossing everything and praying it's a sticky one for you xoxox

No problem mummat xox

I can't truely get excited until bub starts moving and I know she/he is definitely alive and then even until after the birth I can can see for myself. I work as a midwife so see it everyday that things can go wrong for anyone although of course there are way more positives then negatives. Just seems to good to be true. I have wanted this even before I conceived my 1st lol (to be a mum to 4 living children) and had given up hope that it would happen.

They said my pregnancy is very high risk and if one of the cysts rupture in the 1st trimester the risk of m/c is extremely high. The pain is quiet bad but its also not constant. Annoying mostly. Its painful to lift my leg to put my shoes on, underpants, lift it up to get into my car etc. Thats the worst of it and when I sit down it feels like I am sitting on something or bending over something. Its been there a while. Quiet a while but I didn't know about it despite tests. It has definitely gotten worse since the pregnancy. I guess the pregnancy hormones are feeding them now. They said if they don't change they will need to be surgically removed in the 2nd trimester.

Mildez not sure if you'd remember me but we were BY with our daughters. .. wanted tosay congratulations and sending positive vibes xx

Yes I do remember you HPL. Thanks for the positive vibes and Congrats.

I am freaking out. I feel so confident I have had a mm/c. I hate feeling like this. I am trying to be positive that today I am pregnant and thats a lot more than I was last month. My concerns now are more from lack of symptoms. I was violently ill with M/S with my last by now and with this one if it wasn't for a missed AF and positive tests I would not even know I was pregnant. I feel so normal. In the back of my mind are my HCG levels too. Not terrible but far from high or even really average. I have another scan in 10days. Hopefully if I see a HB I will feel much better. But already I am invisioning their wont be one. God where can I get help about these feelings?

:hug: mildez it's totally understandable. If it's really impacting on how you are feeling, maybe it's worth getting a referral from your GP to a psychologist or social worker. I think a few sessions of pregnancy counselling is covered by Medicare. I don't think anything I say can reassure you. Just know that we are all sensing our love and positive vibes up into the heavens. Xox

Ps. My mum never knew she was pregnant with her kids for three months... Every pregnancy is different. Just because you has MS last time. Doesn't mean you will with this one.

I know I can't say much that will help your anxiety, but like Myturn said it's completely understandable.

I still find it hard to believe I am actually 16 weeks and will be having the morph scan in a couple of weeks.

Sending you bunches of strength

Hi Guys,

Just wanted to say Hi and reach out a bit, not sure if anyone in here. I have come over from the LTTTC thread. I am very sub-fertile and have a lot of obstacles to get pregnant, but seem to get pregnant very quickly after laps (for endo - see my sig).

I just went through my fifth IVF transfer (6 stim cycles altogether) and got a BFP. Earlier this year I had a natural conception of twins but they miscarried at 8 weeks (trisomy 21, ie Downs). I had the DnC at the start of May so it is all very raw still.

Had +BT (299 hcg at 12dp5dt) on Monday, so I am not even 5 weeks yet. There was a good DT of 40 hours between BTs (I had an earlier one of 90 hcg 3 days prior). I am ok but not feeling morning sickness yet, which was my indication with my last pregnancy that things weren't great (miscarried twins at 8 weeks). I do feel very tired and I am happy that the hcg is lower, strangely, just because I am still a bit twins-phobic. I would love a healthy singleton.

I don't really know how to be now. I know I do accept the reality of the pregnancy, because I do have some "pregnant" type feelings, but my mind just latches onto what's lacking, ie morning sickness. I always had spotting too, in both my healthy and non-healthy pregnancy, usually starting around week 5 so I am kind of waiting for that but it hasn't happened yet, thank god (because it is so stressful).

Any ideas about taking things one day at a time? Feeling positive? Trying to attach/not attach?

Wishing us all healthy babies and uneventful pregnancies.

WW
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Hey WW. I don't think there is any way to get through it easily. You just do whatever you do to survive. I felt quite detached the whole pregnancy, you count each milestone and just take each day by day. I don't think I really got excited until I was on maternity leave.

Just be kind to yourself and enjoy it as best you can xo

CONGRATULATIONS WW on your pregnancy. I have everything crossed for you bubba is super sticky. I'd be happy with those HCG numbers. Initially I was not happy with mine but they proved me wrong and I will be 17weeks tomorrow. My HCG was 258 at 16-17DPO and then 1788 at 21-22DPO. They had a doubling rate of 47hours.

As for how to survive I am not the best person to give advice on that as I have been an emotional basket case this pregnancy. Initially I was ok after I knew the pregnancy was not ectopic as having had multiple losses before 10weeks I was almost expecting it not to work and kind if not letting myself hope to much for a different outcome. The real anxiety actually came at around the 12-14weeks. I have had some complications with cysts and pain relating to these, prolapse and 2weeks ago I thought my waters broke. Other then extreme fatigue I have had little pregnancy symptoms although I am studying and working a lot so thats not helping with the fatigue. I have also had a lot of stress which doesn't help. I think taking so long to get pregnant and having multiple losses it can just seem to good to be true and I have prepared myself for something negative to happen which is terrible.

Advice I have been given is to enjoy being pregnant today. Obviously we don't know whats going to happen but for now we are pregnant and closer then we were yesterday or a month ago etc to bringing another much wanted bub home.

Thanks MyTurn! Congratulations on your DD.

Mildez, thanks so much. It really helps to read your thoughts. Oh my God, your pregnancy sounds very stressful so far. I will take on board what you say about enjoying being pregnant today.

WW
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Hello to everyone here, and congratulations on your pregnancies (and your DD, myturn!). Sending love and support your ways for healthy and happy babies.

I have just booked in for my viability/dating scan in a couple of weeks time, and the anxiety has hit me like a truck. I have my DS 3, but lost my second pregnancy (blighted ovum) in April. Feeling scared suddenly. I'm only 5 weeks 1 day today, and no morning sickness yet, but plenty of fatigue and frequent peeing and sore/full bbs. Trying to tell myself that having no morning sickness yet really means nothing - I felt awful with my previous pregnancy, and that was no positive indicator in the end. But yeh... just trying to stay positive and enjoy every moment as best I can. Finding it hard to get support IRL - not through anyone's fault, just don't have any friends who have been through similar experiences.

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Hello to everyone here, and congratulations on your pregnancies (and your DD, myturn!). Sending love and support your ways for healthy and happy babies.

I have just booked in for my viability/dating scan in a couple of weeks time, and the anxiety has hit me like a truck. I have my DS 3, but lost my second pregnancy (blighted ovum) in April. Feeling scared suddenly. I'm only 5 weeks 1 day today, and no morning sickness yet, but plenty of fatigue and frequent peeing and sore/full bbs. Trying to tell myself that having no morning sickness yet really means nothing - I felt awful with my previous pregnancy, and that was no positive indicator in the end. But yeh... just trying to stay positive and enjoy every moment as best I can. Finding it hard to get support IRL - not through anyone's fault, just don't have any friends who have been through similar experiences.

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Hey Lee, I almost could have written your post! Almost. We are in pretty much the same boat. I am probably exactly 5 weeks today, but I am saying 4 weeks 6 days, because I think my embryo was still at the day 4 stage when it was transferred on day 5, and because it makes me feel a bit better, because absolutely no morning sickness here either. I just want it to start.

I had a miscarriage in early May which was about 7.5 weeks, picked up at an early scan at 8 weeks (it was identical twins with Downs, which I didn't know could cause a miscarriage but it can sometimes). I didn't have morning sickness with that pregnancy and with my DD (also 3) I had constant nausea from (I can't be sure) about the 5th week til maybe week 14.

So I am having the thought pop up a lot that "it's not a good sign not to have morning sickness". This is such a hard process. Obviously, we can say, worrying won't change things. Conserve your energy. Live life in the present. But these thoughts are going to persist quite a bit in this time. I have fatigue and sore bbs too, so that is something. I am not sure if it is self-protection but I start to tell myself that "it won't work/don't get your hopes up" ... I guess to feel more in control. In pregnancy, as in life, your lack of control is just so profound, you know. It is like this lesson - You are not in charge!!

lots of peaceful thoughts your way and praying that you are sick ASAP, along with me:pink-babydust::stickyvibesboy: Or I should say, that whatever happens, sickness being no guarantee, symptoms aside, we both get our healthy babies in 8 months.

WW
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Hi WW, Thank you for your reply. I'm so sorry about your babies, that is devastating. :hug: I hope we can give each other support and comfort in the months ahead - and fingers crossed we both start feeling sick soon to take a little weight off our minds! I looked back at my pregnancy journal for DS and I didn't note nausea until 5 weeks 4 days, and it didn't get awful until a few days after that, into the seventh week. It really is so early still, just have to keep reminding myself of that!

Keep us posted on how things are getting on.

Thanks lee xox will be crossing everything that this is a sticky one for you.

It's really hard. But eventually each milestone passes and you feel a little better. The anxiety never really passes. But it's manageable. I guess that's what grief is. It's always there. You just live with it in a manageable way. And I don't mean that in as depressing a way as it sounds ;) it just is, what it is!

Thanks Lee. I am very sorry about your miscarriage in April. That must have been so hard. :hug: Do you have a date booked for your scan? I am going in on Tuesday 5 August. I am trying not to tick off the days. I just want to enjoy this time while I can. But I would like a bit of reassurance obviously. I keep looking to the body for symptoms and it is all very quiet, apart from sore bbs (which I have a lot anyway) and fatigue (ditto, also just came off caffeine). It was helpful to hear that your morning sickness with your DS started after the 5th week. I am pretty sure mine was around the same time with my DD. It is so early, isn't it? It is like a watched pot over here (with the not boiling).

Myturn, thanks also. You are right about needing to manage the anxious feelings/thoughts and be with the grief which is there, even though it can feel like you're "over it".

WW
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Hey Lee, how are you going?? I am ok. No spotting yet thank goodness, but I will try to take it in stride if it does happen (it started around this time with my last pregnancies). Not much nausea, though maybe the occasional very mild 5 minutes or so. When are you heading in for your scan? How are you feeling?

I feel quite alone. I was posting a bit on the LTTTC thread but I get the feeling I shouldn't be posting there still. I am not sure. I haven't told any friends or family, and I am starting to feel a bit unhappy in myself. I just felt blue yesterday all of a sudden, then thought, is this a form of PMT and I'll miscarry soon? I have chronic pain too which flares up at stressful times, and for no reason whatever. We have moved house and I am a bit isolated because I can't drive at times, and it is a bit further away from friends. Friends are lovely and do come to see me, but I feel like the lady in the tower at times. Sorry to just blurt this out in here, it is probably not the right place.

WW
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Sneaks in WW this is the perfect thread for you :) I remember feeling lost after my BFP. Ladies in here can relate you'll be fine, rest and take care of you!
Sneaks out.

WW it's the perfect place xox vent,talk, say whatever you need to say to get through the hard part xoxo we are all here for you.

WW I have had problems with BB before too. I just take what is useful and leave the rest (or roll my eyes) You soon know who is supportive of you and who is not. I rarely post anymore except to update about myself and to congratulation people on their good news. When is your scan?

I have my morphology scan this week. Excited about seeing bub again but nervous they might find a problem :/ Also will be interested to see what the placenta is up to. It was basically completely covering the os at a scan at 15weeks. I am not worried about it yet as I have had all low lying placentas and even my last was extending 1cm into the os and moved up but if the scan on Friday shows it is still completely covering where it shouldn't I think I will hit panic stations.

Hi WW

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to your posts over the weekend. I hope you are feeling okay. Now that I have a chance to post, I can't find your original message. I hope that you are able to find the support you need, IRL or online, to get through this tough time. I know I'm struggling in that regard - I've found my only option is to behave as though the miscarriage didn't happen and this pregnancy is "business as usual", it seems to be what other people are most comfortable with and I don't know how to talk about it, really. So, if your safe place isn't here, please keep looking until you find it. Hopefully it's not too far away. Big hugs and well wishes. x

Mildez, thank you so much for your post. You really hit the nail on the head. Good luck with your scan this Friday. I am really hoping that all is well with the placenta and you can feel some relief from all the stress of this pregnancy.

Lee, thank you so much too. I am ok. I haven't been too sick yet, but a little ... have my scan tomorrow. How are you going? Did you have your scan? I might try to find another site, but I am thinking of just confiding in some friends IRL. That is a great approach. Though is it what you are comfortable with? I haven't told many people. Just a dear friend in Prague who I Skype.

lots of love, patience and peace guys
WW
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Hi Guys,
Just letting you know that I had my scan today and was measuring 6 weeks 3 days and heartbeat of 126bpm. Very happy and relieved for right now. Taking it one day at a time.
Good luck for you Lee. I guess you'll have had your scan by now.
Mildez, will be thinking of you this Friday.
WW
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Good news WW! Yay!

WW congratulations on your pregnancy. I have been following you in the LTTTC thread and was thrilled to see your BFP. This thread is a great place to post. I hid in here for ages before I posted in a BB thread. I think I was around 14 weeks before I joined my due date thread. The ladies in here are amazing tower of strengths and have endless courage to just keep going.

I had a missed m/c on my 5th IVF round. I had a D&C and managed to get pg on my 7th round of IVF a few months later. DS is now 13 months old and is perfection. My pg was a very anxious one and i didn't really get attached until the 20 week scan when we found out we were having a boy and everything looked good. Thats the reason we wanted to know what gender we were having as we were a both in denial. It really helped both of us bond with our baby. It still felt surreal though and still did until he we bought him home from the hospital.

I guess for me it was just taking each day at a time and crossing each hurdle as it came. Each test, scan, drs appt got me closer to holding my baby.

Great news on your scan.

Hey Vic,
Thanks so much for your post.
I am so sorry about your m/c. That would have been heartbreaking.
I am just hanging in there.
WW
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How is everyone going?

Yeah on a good scan WW. Love your ticker. How are you feeling?

Sarah have you had your scan yet? Hope all is going well.

Lee how are you going?

Hello to everyone else. I can only see the last page at the moment.

I had my morphology scan last Friday and everything appears to be on track. Apparently I have a very vascular lower segment of the uterine wall. Say its excluded a vasa previa but my Ob didn't share any light. The placenta is 5.5cm clear of the cervix which is great as at 14weeks they were questioning if I had a placenta previa. Bub is looking well from what we can tell and I am in love :) So excited to see her/him wiggling around and doing all the right things. Can't believe this Saturday I will be 20weeks. Will have to log in to see my ticker :) I was pleased to have only put on 2.6kgs in 10weeks. Thats very good for me. In the past I have been known to gain 1kg a week. Still very fatigued but otherwise I wouldn't know I was pregnant. This is much much easier then my last bubba (take out the anxiety). Getting some regular movements now which is nice and yesterday the bub kicked my 3.5year old in the hand which was lovely. She is the first to feel it other then me :)

I went shopping for bub but decided everything was gender specific so came home with some wipes and a $3 materity shirt which is aweful anyway. I tried to find a pair of Pj's for after the birth but nothing was suitable (dresses or looked two tight/couldn't BF etc). Potentially going early and been due around Christmas/Newyear and being an expensive time of year I probably need to be organised for bub and Christmas before Christmas eve.

Mildez, great news, congratulations! That sounds really lovely for you and your daughter to both feel the baby move. I have a 3.5 year old daughter too. Great to hear that you are shopping, too.

Lee, are you still in here?

Sarah, I often wonder how you are going too.

AFM, I get worried when the nausea comes and goes (recently, I have hardly had any at all) but I am not spotting, and just getting through each day. I have a scan with the OB next Tuesday.

all the best,
WW
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WW thats what I did and really am still doing. Just getting 1 day at a time out of the road. Then all of a sudden I am almost half way there. I worry the lack of mental preparation for having a baby may mean I will not cope as well when bub does arrive. I think there is this protection thing we do when we don't expect to get a baby at the end of it by not been fully prepared for him/her to arrival. I am worried I am going to suddenly find myself with a newborn and wonder how that happened. Despite having movements now I find myself worrying its not enough or none at all. Silly. I've been doing that from the start from my HCG levels to minimal MS and now a minimal bump. I think I just look fat.

How is your MS today? Mine was almost non existant just the extreme fatigue, needing to pee way to much and sore boobs. They were my only real sign I was even pregnant in those first 10weeks.

Hello everyone.

Sorry I've been slack with responding - I've been so sick and so exhausted, I haven't even turned on the computer all week. So yes, MS kicked in with a vengeance, and I've been asleep every night before 8pm (though up before 6am for my toddler). I had my dating scan on Wednesday - it was very emotional and I didn't realise how nervous I was until I stepped into that room and all the bad feelings came back to me. Thankfully, we saw a little bean and a heartbeat, measuring a day ahead of LMP. So, now to plough through the nausea and fatigue, eyes forward to the NT scan in a month.

Glad to hear all the positive stories in here. I hope Tuesday comes around fast for you, WW, and you can see your little one on the screen again. I wouldn't worry about the MS, or lack of it. In the end, what does it mean? I had it with my last pregnancy, and it didn't work out. So, my thought is having it/not having it really doesn't mean a lot in the end. Just a reason to worry about something else... At least, I'm trying to take that approach. Easier said than done, I know.

Mildez - I don't think anyone can ever really prepare for a baby anyway. Even with my first, with no reason to worry about things going wrong, I found myself suddenly holding this wrinkly little person and thinking ... okay, so here we are - now what?! Most importantly is getting through the pregnancy, keeping our minds as healthy as possible. No books or advice from friends can really teach us how to parent - and even when they can help, they makes much more sense when the baby is actually here! I think you're doing everything right.

Yes Lee I think your right.

Just had to come in and admire my ticker. 20weeks seems like such a milestone :ROFL:

Mildez, I have a friend who said the same thing of her rainbow baby. She was just like "who is this person?" when he came out, because she had sort of kept herself in denial on purpose for most of the pregnancy. Your ticker is exactly 12 weeks ahead of me. I also came in to check mine, when it ticked over to 8 weeks.

Lee, it sound as if you're keeping a great attitude. Sounds exhausting for you, with the MS and the fatigue. Hope it eases soon (but not in a stressful way).

AFM, whilst I have been very fatigued and still had occasional nausea, that is about it. I still feel a bit surreal about everything, and often have moments where I fully expect to get bad news at any moment, like what happened last time. I also am having flare ups with my chronic pain and not wanting to take pain killers so it is very tough time. Can't type now.

all the best guys,
WW
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How is everyone going?

WW woow almost 10weeks in a few short days. Hope everything is going well.

Just needed to have a sulk. This exhaustion is trying to kill me. I don't know why I am struggling to do the most basic things. I can hardly do an 8hr day at work. I am at work now and struggling to do anything. Thank God I don't see any more clients today or I would make a fool of myself. Words are not coing out right etc. Its now a daily struggle to get through the day. I have a significant goiter so perhaps my thyroid is playing up or I am anemic. I thought the 2nd trimester was suppose to be where you actually have energy. I wake up feeling refreshed and like it might be a good day but within minutes of getting out of bed I feel I need to go back there. I have taken a week off work late September but thats all I am entitled too until maternity leave which I can't start due to my client list until I am 38weeks. I feel I am letting my family down and the people I work with. I don't know if its pregnancy related or what. Maybe the extra daylight hours will help when daylight saving in over. Anyway vent over.

I hope everyone is enjoying uneventful pregnancies :) Other then not as much movement from my bub as I wish I think we are going ok. My gorgeous sister brought me a maternity photogrpahy package. Problem is my belly isn't big enough yet. I am sure it was bigger with my last 2 babies anyway. My belly button is nor flat which is funny. I am on of those people who get the sticking out belly button (normally I have an innie) so I think it will only be a few weeks and I will have a bump on the bump.

My 3.5yr old has been so delightful. After her telling me she knows how the baby got in my tummy (apparently it crawled in my vagina and up into my tummy) last night she started laughing hysterically telling me my tummy is so huge and that my bum looks like a Giant

Mildez, how are you going? I love your DD's idea of how the baby got there. My DD knows all about IVF and probably has very little concept of standard conception, though that's how she was conceived, come to think of it. I also had a caesarean with her, so she always asks when I am getting my tummy cut open (yikes!). I told her about traditional birth in great detail, and she said "that would hurt". I was like, no kidding. Are you getting past the exhaustion? It is really hard to be tired all the time. Yes, I can imagine you'd want a bit more movement and bigger tummy for reassurance. How's it going now?

Lee, are you ever in here?

Anyone else?

AFM, I am going quite well. Had a huge proper vomit the other morning, which came as a shock (with my DD I was nauseous the whole time, but never threw up). I felt hungover for the whole day and night, with bad headache. I had a scan 2 days ago, and all was well, with the baby measuring 4 or 5 days ahead (I think this just means a tall baby, as DH is tall). I am just so happy to be this far. Also, I had the Harmony test (previous pregnancy was Downs plus I am 37). I wasn't sure about it, but it's done now. Any experiences with that, anyone?

Hope all are well,
WW
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Hey Guys,
Just a quick post from me. I started spotting last night. It is so horrible. It is only very light and brown but I feel awful. I have been crying heaps and reliving my miscarriage. I haven't had any spotting so far at all with this pregnancy, and we had a great scan 3 days ago. I rang my OB, who is very experienced with high risk pregnancies, and he said he was very happy with the scan and that I shouldn't worry, it's probably from the cervix (but I didn't do anything that vigorous - not having sex, nada). I just feel shocking.
Anyway, this will pass I hope, one way or the other.
WW
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Big big hug WW. Fingers and everything crossed xoxoxoxox

Worrywart I have had a number of spotting episodes this pregnancy all from the cervix with no activity to cause it. I hope it's nothing and the fact that the scan looked good is a great sign. Was the scan internal? Could it have caused the spotting seeing as brown is old blood

Thanks MyTurn and MummaT.

No the scan was abdominal. I was 10 weeks 3 days but measuring 11 weeks 1 day. Just a big baby I think because we are IVF, so we know our dates. I saw him/her flapping his little arms and legs like crazy. I just got really excited. Now I still feel quietly confident but also worried. Because obviously spotting is always crap.

lots of love,
WW
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