Gender Disappointment?

Thank you for posting this thread - I have just found out the sex of our baby and I hope that you all don't think of me as this huge ***** for what I am about to say. I dearly wanted a girl - infact desperately wanted a girl. I just couldn't see myself with a little boy - I am frightened of males I guess and constantly worried that I wouldn't be a good mother to a little boy....well - you guessed it - we are having a boy and he is beautiful, but when the sonogropher (sp?) told us it was a boy - I started crying! I couldn't help it, I desperately wanted a little girl first....anyway DH is thrilled that it is a boy and that he will have a son and I am thrilled now as well - it was just an inital shock. I am so pleased to have a heathly baby boy on the way - but it has taken me a while to get my head around it. I was just so focused on having a girl. Next time we will try for a girl -but if I am meant to have boys, then I am happy with that.

Please don't think that I am ungrateful - as I'm just thrilled to be pregnant, but if I had a choice, I would have chosen to have a female child first.

Thanks for listening.....

Megan

Aaaaw Megan, don't feel bad hon... I know of a few people that have had bad experiences with men to varying degrees and were nervous about having boys. I was... I couldn't see myself with boys around me... I too walked out the ultrasound room ready to cry... but something that helped me get past this was that my mum told me was that it doesn't mean your son will be like all the others. They way they turn out is based on your influence - they aren't born like anyone else - insensitive or nasty or pig-headed if you get my drift!

Elijah is an absolute delight - he has nothing but smiles for me and adores me to bits. Forever watching where I am walking around the room and no-one can settle him like I can. Once you see your son's love for you, I am sure you could post exactly what I am posting now ;) Because I have been where you are but now I couldn't imagine anything better :) And there is no way I could compare the love I have for the two - I'd kill for them both.

OMG stop it Jillian you are freaking me out! Jackson is going to stay a little boy forever!

I wouldn't give my two dirty boys back for the world and lets face it that is what washing machines and baths were made for.

I have said if #3 did ever happen (very highly unlikely) I'd probably hope for another boy, although I know I wouldn't knock back a girl either LOL, but my girl would definitely be out there with the boys playing cars, making mud pies etc just as I did as a kid

Love

Thanks Kelly for your reply - both you and Jillian have made me cry....what you say is so true, it is the way you bring little boys up and I just loved what you said about the fact that Elijah gives you miles of smiles....makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.....I can't wait to meet my little man, but there is a part of me that is extremely aprehensive (sp?). Lucky I have such lovely girls like yourselves to help me through it....

Can't thank you enough for your very kind words....

Love Megan xx

I've always wanted to have at least one girl and with my 1st pg I did hope for a girl. But after 2 m/c all I wanted was to have a successful, healthy pg and so when we found out this bub was a boy I didn't really feel much either way in regards to relief or disappointment IYKWIM. It was just nice to know in itself. I totally love the idea of a boy now - wouldn't know what to feel if the OB suddenly turned around and said oops sorry it's a girl LMAO!!

After my first little girl was born and I fell pregnant for a second time, I thought it would be nice to have two girls.

When my son was born, he had major health complications, and all thoughts of "wouldn't it have been nice if..." flew out the window.

All I wanted was for him to be healthy and happy.

He's a beautiful little boy, full of smiles, life and the most adorable snuggles! I just love him to bits :smt058

With Evan I didn't really mind either way but was hoping for a girl. When we found out it was a boy I just said Oh well we'll be having another one.

With Glenn I really really wanted a girl. At the 18 week scan i said to the lady I'm sure I keep seeing a penis & she asked if we wanted to know & we did & she said its a boy, i said Oh bloody hell! I did shed a tear, only one & have to admit that I was disappointed but within 5 minutes I was over it lol. Duringmy labour with Glenn I did say at one point it would be so much easier if I knew it was a girl.

With the next i think i will be heartbroken if I don't get my girl. But again i will deal with it. But I will also be watching my cycle this time & swaying it my way. Today though I was thinking about it & I think i am begining not to really care as much as did. I thin wanting a girl just stems from always saying it & that its really not that big a deal.

I know I posted before but I thought I'd let Megan know what I've gone through... just as a reference... I only thought I'd ever have a boy. Thats all I wanted, thats all we planned for, neither of us ever expected to have a girl. I was horrified when they announced a girl to us... I even cried once I was on my own... now I love my girl more than I would have ever imagined before, today she just cracked me up heaps & we laughed & played and had heaps of fun. I could have had that same fun with either gender...

Hey Jillian, my brother is 19 & a full foot (maybe more) taller than our mum. Anyway, he still gives her cuddles all the time & kisses her bye every time he goes away over night even with his friends around. He is such a sweetie & so very protective of his sisters (even though the 3 of us are older). He can't wait for my little man to be born so he can teach him all about cars & help him build leggo castles!

So what I'm saying is yup, boys can grow up loving their mum's to bits :)

Thanks for posting Christy - I guess I just always had my heart set on a having girls....don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to bits about our little boy - it was just a shift in focus for me. Perhaps now I am supposed to be a mother to boys - if that is the case, that will be OK as I am working towards being comfortable with that.

We will try next time for a little girl, but with my cycle all over the place, I think that another healthy baby will be all that we can wish for....

I love hearing all of your thoughts and expereinces...thanks so much

Megan

I've written the article and uploaded it HERE. Hope some find it useful or helpful :)

When Angus was born I had a few say if I'd try again for a girl. DH would dearly love a daughter but wanted to stop at 2 kids.
I always imagined that I would have a girl, so I was a little dissapointed at having another boy.
I love my boys to bits. Thay are so ace, when thay are behaving of course. Now that I have convinced DH to have another baby we have reserched the gender selection theories and have decided to do all we can to have a girl. But if it is a boy that we have then that will be it. No more babies for us.
One day I may well be an Auntie to a lovely little girl and for me that will be very special.

Hi Everyone,

We just had our u/s this morning and found out we are having a boy. I'm so happy that the u/s went well, and everything appears normal and healthy, but I have to admit I was really praying for a girl... I feel terrible saying that :-#

The thing is, my sister gave birth last week to a boy (first grandchild), and, having already been disappointed not to have the first grandchild (I am older and live overseas from my family, so I wanted my baby to be a little bit extra special, IYKWIM), I thought that at least if I was having a girl I would be bringing something different to the family - I know my mum would have just loved picking out baby girl stuff!! So I can't help feeling that my having a boy is going to be a very slight disappointment to everyone, not just me... or should I say, not disappointment, but it would have been even more exciting if we were having a girl?

Plus all the babies on my husband's side of the family (his cousins etc) have all been boys so far too. I know everyone will say 'lucky you - think of all the hand-me-downs you'll get!', but I had visions of everyone being excited about the first little girl in the family and being that much more excited about buying presents etc.

Am I focussing too much on what the family/grandparents think? As well, I'm definitely more of a 'girly-girl' and was so looking forward to picking out little dresses etc... Sorry - that sounds really silly!

Sorry for rambling on - just wanted to see if you thought I was thinking things out of all proportion?

Bertie

Hi Bertie

I too understand how you feel as I desperately wanted a little girl as a first bub (and grandchild and all the other things that you mentioned) as well. I have now had my little man for 19 days and wouldn't change it for the world. I just love my little boy to bits and am now soooo glad that I have a boy.

I think that your feelings are totally valid and it is good to have a forum/thread like this to discuss our feelings and this very important issue.

Hang in there - wait until you see his little face - it will change everything!

What I found easier was shifting my attention to all things BOY - I am like you 'a girly girl' - but once I shifted my attention away from girl things, having a little boy felt so right.

Your son will be the most beautiful little man you have ever seen and once you have him in your arms, you will forget about feeling the way you do now (this is how it was for me and I hope that you expereince the same joy!)

All the very best with the next few months

Megan

Thought id add to this one.

We had no idea at all with DD. Didnt care one way or another as everything was new and exciting so whatever we were blessed with was fine. As long as everything was in its place.

Pg again i have to say id prefer a girl. I think its only cause i know what im in for with girls so it would make life easier. Plus i think girls need sisters to grow up with. Again thats probably because thats what im used to haveing 2 sisters only to grow up with.

I know i wouldnt mind if we had a son because it would be nice for Dh to have a son to tinker in the shed with. One each sounds less selfish i suppose.
I had a scan the other day and found out the sex of our baby. I cant disclose the result though because id like DH to know first and he hasnt decided if he wants to know. Plus FionaJill is hanging to find out so i really cant say.

Im happy with the sex and i no our family will be complete once this child enters our family.

Hi Jillian and Megan,


Thanks so much for your words of support - it was good to vent my feelings here, and to know that so many others feel the same way!

I'm feeling a lot better today, and I'm getting a lot more excited about my baby now I know what it is, as I can really start picturing him and all the things we will be able to do with him.

I spoke to my mum last night - she's so fab, always knows exactly the right thing to say - I thought she'd be a tad disappointed, but she just said, 'oh, that's so wonderful, the two cousins will be able to play together and share all their toys!' My sister was also really pleased at the thought we'll be bringing up two boys at the same time. So I guess speaking to them really helped me get more excited about the fact 'he' is a 'he' IYKWIM.

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What I found easier was shifting my attention to all things BOY - I am like you 'a girly girl' - but once I shifted my attention away from girl things, having a little boy felt so right.

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Megan - I know EXACTLY what you mean! Yesterday I went out and bought my first tiny blue outfit, and started looking at all the blue blankets etc (forcing my eyes away from the adorable pink stuff), and you're right, once I had that little blue outfit in my hands, I did feel a lot better.

Thanks girls,
Bertie

We have been looking at all the different gender selection techniques as hubby & I would really like to have 3 boys & a girl. I have just found out that I am pregnant with baby No 1. It was a complete surprise as we hadn't planned to fall pregnant this month. We both really want a boy but if this baby arrives and is a girl we'll still be happy and just means that we have the opportunity to have another try, lol. I know that hubby will probably feel the disappointment more than I but once he holds the baby, he'll love either gender the same way.

Best Wishes
Sharon