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Hi Em,
I just want you to know that you and you DH are in my thoughts, and I will be [-o< that your amnio results come back ok, and that you are not faced with having to make such a hard decision.
Please take care, and remember that we are all here for you...
:hugs:
OMG Emma! I just saw this thread! *hugs* to you and your family. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow with your test. You just continue loving your little girl no matter what. Don't let anyone put pressure on you, you follow your heart.
DH & I were actually talking about this yesterday, as we didn't have the NT scan done, so really don't know that our little boy is perfect. But I had a downs cousin who was just adored, and after she passed away my aunty was very involved in helping care for other children with disabilities, and they really are happy, loving, adorable people.
But as the others have said, you don't know for sure until you've had this test. So I hope it all comes back ok. *hugs* again. Give your belly a rub from me. I'm thinking of you.
Hi Emz - I don't know what to say that will help that hasn't already been offered by this wonderful supportive group.
Hang in there and try to stay sane until your amnio results come back, you know there's a whole lot of support for you here whatever happens.
:hug:
Rach
Emz, I am so sorry to hear your news.
The thing that struck me about your most recent post was that you said you didn't want to do either of the proposed options (the amnio I'm assuming, and then "making a decision"). I just wanted to remind you that you don't have to do any of it. It's your choice! Don't let them push you into having any tests you don't want to have.
You still have a choice.
If you'd feel better knowing conclusively whether your little girl has downs (maybe giving you time to prepare), then have the test - or on the other hand if you'd rather wait and meet her at the other end (as the person she is and not just a diagnosis) then tell your doctors that you don't wish to have the amnio. Either way, just make sure you're doing what's right for you and your family - not what you're being pushed into!
Just ask yourself, will the test help you come to terms with what's going on - or will it add stress? Only you know the answer to that.
I was just concerned that you might not be entirely comfortable with your doctors own values/preferred course of action. Remember that your doctor is seeing things from a purely medical/diagnostic point of view - most scientists (and my DH is one) see the world in a very black and white way. Being a parent is anything but black and white. Now is the time to trust yourself. You are her parent. Do what you feel is best for all of you.
I am thinking of you.
P.S. I know someone posted in the "children with a disability/illness" forum a short story called "Welcome to Holland". It might help you make some of the decisions you're facing.
Here - I found it for you (though I'm not sure how to post URLS)https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ic.php?t=11566
Emz, thinking of you and bubs. Juliette has given you some excellent advice. Do not be pressured into doing what the medical staff have said if it doesn't sit comfortably with you (re further tests etc).
oh honey this is so hard for you - i still have my fingers crossed big time that the amnio comes back clear - take you time - it won't make that much of a difference - you need to get your head around it all :hug: thinking of you
Emma, i am so sorry to hear your news.
Thinking of you and praying that everything will be ok. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now but please know that we are all here to give you as much support as you need.
I totally agree with everyone else, take plenty of time to think your decision through because once you have made your decision it's final,so don't let the Dr's pressure you into making such a big decision so quickly.......doing it too quickly may lead you to the wrong decision, and that will be something you and DH will have to live with forever.
Whatever decision you make should be the best decision for you and your DH. [-o< ing that once you get your amnio results you won't have to make any decisions.
Take care, i am thinking of you and your DH during this very difficult time. :hug:
Emma, I really hope you get some good news today. The advice the girls have been posting here is top notch, any decision you make will be one that will be with you and your DP for the rest of your life, so don't feel pressured into making a snap decision.
I can't imagine what you're going through, but hope that you and DP can find the inner strength to make whatever decisions are best for you.
Emma, I am sorry that this is happening. Wishing you and your DH all the best.
Emz, everything I have goes out to you right now.
This is right at the top of the list of "The most difficult thing a person will ever have to decide".
You, DH & your beautiful little girl are in my heart......
Thank you all sooo much for your thoughts and information. It really does mean the world to me.
After we found out yesterday, we spent some time with my close family, getting their thoughts and just letting it sink in. We talked about what it might be like to have a child with downs and also what would happen if we decided to terminate.
I cried so hard and so did my partner. I never want to see him in that much pain again, it was soo hard not to be able to make it better.
TMI following-
I thought about what it would be like to have the termination- i would be induced but what would happen then? Would i hold the baby till she passed? do they drug them? Would she come out alive? Would i have a funeral for her and ask everyone to love and remember her after what i had done? All the while she was rolling around and giving me a good kicking! At first i just wished she would stop kicking and moving so i could stop thinking about how happy and healthy she is in there- apart from the downs. Tim kept putting his hand on my tummy and telling how much he loved her and how beautiful she is. That was the hardest thing. Also, thinking that once she had come out (if we decided to terminate) i knew for a fact that i was going to be screaming for all the help in the world to keep her alive but it would be too late.
So, we love our little girl, our families love her and no matter what the test shows she is going to be a part of our lives. We know we couldnt go thru with it and the more we all talk about it we cant see it as a good enough reason to let her go so soon.
I dont know what its going to be like. I have no clue, i think im going to feel really sad for her at times and ill want to protect her from the world- but dont we all want to do that for our babies?
We have such a strong relationship and an amazing family to help us thru whatever comes our way. Our mind is made up, there wasnt much of a decision to make.
I love my little Abby (She has a name!)
Thank you all so much- mum and dad are here, will post after test.
xx emma
Emma - :hug: I just loved your above post. It made me shiver.
You and Hubby will make great, fantastic doting parents. And Little Abby couldn't get a better two.
Wishing you all the best....
Hugs and wishes...
Emma - I am so sorry that you have to be faced with this...
The choice you make is 100% your own and your families. There will be people telling you for and against... It is very much personal decision...
I just want to let you know that I have personally known a few people with Downs, and although it is harder on their parents, they definately made the right choice FOR THEM... the people with downs are just the most loving and caring people. And that is what you need to do... make the decision for YOU...
Please take care of yourself....
Thinking of you, Tim and Abby!
Emma,
You are a truly amazing, loving beautiful woman. I am weeping after reading your post. Abbey is truly a very lucky little girl. I am sure she will give you so much joy and in return you and your husband are just the parents she needs.
Please take someone to support you and your husband today. Sometimes these medical people can be very decided what they think is 'right'.
You have made your decision and just ask that your decision is honoured.
With lots of love,
Deb
Awwwww Emma, you are such an amazing, inspirational woman. How wonderful that you have made such a heartfelt decision and have great support around you.
Sometimes some babies are misdiagnosed with Down's - I am not trying to give you false hope here, but something to be aware of, that ultrasound isn't always right. So I agree with flowerchild, take someone with you and keep an open mind.
I know it isn't going to be easy, but I do know many families with Down's children and they all tell me that they are such a delight. I am sure you'll love your little girl to bits and you'll both share an amazing, rewarding relationship.
We're always here whenever you need the words of support too. You go girl - we're right here behind you. :grouphug:
Emma
you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers [-o< - you 2 (you and DH) are wonderful strong people and your gorgeous daughter has made the right decision in finding fabulous parents like yourselves - stay strong O:) and be positive
take care OK
dianna :hug:
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Em we must have posted yesterday at the same time. I'm sorry to hear whats going on, and I got tears reading your post. *hugs* You are a strong woman!
Emma and Tim
Your baby girl is indeed blessed to have parents like the two of you.
Hold onto the love you have for her and for each other as you walk the next part of this journey together. Praying for you all.
Oh Emma, your post mad me cry. You and Tim are going to be fantastic parents to little Abby. She is so lucky to have you both. :hug:
Emma I am absolutely bawling! You are such a beautiful person....
If you need/want some extra support I have an amazing girlfriend in Vic who has a gorgeous little two year old that she couldn't live without.... she faced the same situation as you & sometimes it just helps to talk to someone straight away. Email me if you want her email adress.... she would be only too happy to chat.
All my love & strength to you three!
OMG Emz - I just posted in our buddies thread hoping that you'd been able to come to some sort of decision. Well done is all I can say! Abby is one lucky little girl. I'm with you on how the termination process would work at this stage of our pregnancies. That was the first thing DH & I talked about after reading your first posts. There'd be hardly any decision for us either if it came to it. You have a beautiful little girl growing inside you right now, and boy was she letting you know when you were discussing it! Lil' darlin must have known mummy was upset and wanted to comfort you :)
Great big *hugz* to you. Lets hope the tests come back ok and this was just one big scare.
Hi Emma
I didn't look online until this morning and only just read all of your posts...
Firstly, Abby is a beautiful name - it was one I put down on my list too! I hope one day Lucy and Abby can meet!
I had a little cry for how this must feel for you and Tim, and what you must be going through. I'm not surprised to hear you can't imagine losing her. She's a little person all of her own, despite her possible challenges. And you're right, we all have those.
Whatever decision you make I'm sure it will be the right one for you and your family. I don't know anyone with a Downs child, but when I used to live in Coffs Harbour I made friends with a lovely lady in her 30s who had Downs and lived in a unit on her own, had a job in a sheltered workshop, a boyfriend and a very active life. She could read and write, not to an advanced level, but pretty well, and was such a great person. I guess all I'm trying to say is that a label never works for an individual...
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Tim and Abby. Whatever you decide, you have been blessed to have her in your lives and no one can take that away from you.
Thinking of you...
Jennifer
Emma i'm sorry you have to go through this, i'll be keeping you and baby Abby and your hubby in my thoughts.
Emma - I haven't chatted to you at all before but I just wanted to say that I think you are amazing too. I have tears in my eyes from reading your post. Abby will be such a beautiful girl, she has no choice with two beautiful and very special parents. Downs children are usually lovely lovely children, very gentle, and caring. Good luck with everything. It is wonderful that you have such strong family support too. Enjoy your pregnancy and Abby - babies are such a wonderful gift no matter what.
Hi Emz Im so sorry to hear about your news this will be the hardest decision you ever make in you life. But can I just point out one thing my Aunty when she was pregnant with her 1st was told her baby had downs from the screening tests she had the needle thing and they were still worried about it anyway he is 7 now and doesn't have a thing wrong with him just has a bigger than normal head is all which is has almost grown into now anyway. They can't be 100% sure with this. But from someone who has given up a baby before it is so hard and my baby was only 11 weeks so this would be even harder I cry all the time thinking about it my baby would have been 2 in september this year!
Hi Emma,
I am so glad that you have made your decision with the help and support of all of those that love you. God wouldnt give you something he didnt feel you could handle and now you can do what you need to do to make the rest of this pregnancy as emotionally comforting for both you and your little baby Abby. You are just amazing to be able to accept what is given to you and I also can relate to your heartache.
My Husband and I with our family sat down and decided that our little boy would be fine and we would take him anyway he comes as I also felt like you and that I would want to do anything to keep him here. Please think positive and make sure you look after yourself and if you feel you need too post from time to time about your uncertainty as you can see there are a lot of people here who are there for a second oppinion and seem to have some kind words to say also.
All my hugs
Lindie
Oh Em,
All my love and thoughts are with you and your family right now.
Abby is such a beautiful name and she is truly blessed to have such wonderful parents.
Hi Emma,
What a courageous and heartfelt decision you have made. I am with you all the way and wish you the all the happiness in the world. You have made the right choice and it is a hard choice but you and your husband, family and friends have all the love, understanding and support to help you through this time.
Emma take care of yourself and your little baby. She is very special indeed - and so are you
Emma - you and your husband are very courages people and you should be proud of yourselfs no matter what happens. You will both make wonderful parents
Jacci
Em your post made me cry and then feel an awe for you and your Dh. Your strength and conviction are truley inspirational. I have no doubt at all that little Abby will be the most blessed little light in your life.
Jo
Emma, I'm thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.
moving to pregnancy - second trimester general discussion
Emma,
I am so in awe of you and your DH in the decision you have made. I know it must have been so difficult for you, but your little Abby is going to give you a lifetime of joy in return. You will make wonderful parents, there is no doubt. remember that we all here for you for any support you need along the way.
Big hugs to you :hug:
Emz, that little girl is healthy and happy kicking away in there and it seems she is letting you know. Big deal if the chromosomes aren't exactly right.
She will be born because of the magic of you and DP and everyone will love her, but no one as much as you. If there is Downs, it will be secondary to the fact that she is your very own baby girl.
Abby is a beautiful name and she has chosen her parents wisely.
Good luck with everything, see you around the forum!
Emma you and your hubby are extremely brave and I take my hat off to the decision you've made.
I could not imagine what it would be like to be faced with such a decision.
Thinking of you.....
Emz & Tim
Sorry I've only just seen the thread.
Your post has made us both cry & smile at the strenght and courage you have found to make a decision. Our thoughts & wishes are with you both at this time. :hugs:
Abby is a beautiful name and is blessed with amazing parents
Nes & Steve :hugs:
Just posting to say that I'm thinking of you today Emma.
Hopefully the test will tell you all that you're hoping to hear. If it turns out that Abby has downs syndrome, it is great to know that you have all that support around you.
I have a couple of friends with downs syndrome, and I have to tell you that they absolutely light up my life. I don't even see their disability anymore.
Emma i am sitting here all teary - (darn pg hormones) you are an amazing person and Tim sounds like a fabulous guy too - you have an amazing strength and i know that the two of you will make the most wonderful parents to Abby - good luck for the tests and will be thinking of you while you are waiting for the results - i just hope that i have as much strength as you do if i ever have to be in that position...
Huge hugs Em xxx