thread: Does anyone regret holding their child back a year?

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  1. #1
    Registered User
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    May 2007
    within a puff of pink
    3,315

    Does anyone regret holding their child back a year?

    So DD3 is 5 in march

    so i had the choice of starting her in march where she will be in reception/prep for only 3 terms then head up to year one or holding her back a term and starting halfway through the year but meaning she wont go up to year 1 the following year and will still do a full year of prep/reception, as minimum is 3 terms maximum is 6 terms of prep. We chose option 2 so DD wont be starting school til term 3 and will do 6 full terms of prep/reception.


    We chose this because DD is very clingy, emotional youngest child who still sometimes gets upset at day care drops offs but is slowly gaining confidence. the big factor for me to hold her back is I am due for a baby exactly when she would be starting full time school in term 2 if I send her so I worry that with new baby arriving and her emotional issues as well she may see it mummy sending her off cause the baby is here... I have talked to her about school and she couldnt care less if she goes or not, much prefer to stay home with mum (hence the huge worry of sending her right when new baby arrives) arghh just wish SA did the once a year entry starting this year rather then next because then she would be starting school in two weeks and the baby wouldnt be a issue.

    but now with school starting soon I am beginning to doubt my decision. DD will be older then some of the kids in the grade above her plus SA has decided to come in line with all other states by doing the one entry a year so the first year she does a full year of reception the kids who will be in her class will be up to and just over a year younger then her. So this cause cause issues down the track, she will more then likely go through or start puberty before her friends, will get her drivers license before then etc but I am also worried about the teasing? whether they will give her a hard time because they assume she has been held back?
    Do you think the age difference between her and her friends could be a huge issue?

  2. #2
    Senior Moderator

    Nov 2004
    Chickens.
    4,989

    My younger brother was born on 1 March and went to school at 5 turning 6 - 33 years ago. It was the best thing for him. Some of the kids in his class were up to 16 months younger than him, as the cut off at that time was 30 June. He is the third child - similar to your daughter, and just wasn't ready for school. If he had gone early, it potentially would have affected him academically and socially. As it was - he didn't learn to read properly until Grade 3 anyway.

    My older brother was born on 30 April and started school at 5 turning 6 - 36 years ago. Again, it worked really well.

    I'm a May baby and also was 5 turning six. My DS1 is a May baby - I could have applied for special early entry for him, due to his academic ability - but it would have been disastrous socially for him.

    I don't think the new baby timing is something that can't be managed. If she prefers to stay home - do it!

    My DS1 plays with kids older and younger than him at school, as does DS2. Kids find their own friends regardless of age discrepancy. My bestest girlfriend from school is over a year younger than me. Academically she struggled, but socially was fine. She would have been far better off staying home for that extra year, but her parents sent her anyway. Another girlfriend (March baby) did Year 6 twice, and says it was the best thing she did, academically and socially.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    6,900

    I think you have definitely made the right decision xx

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2010
    2,793

    Slightly different situation, but my birthday is in September which means I did 5 terms of reception. I always thought it was the best thing ever as I do feel that that first term (in your DDs case first two terms) helped me to settle in and learn the routines of school and then I was more than ready for the academic side by the following year (if not before). School was always easy for me and I loved it. I don't think your DD will be teased. By the time the other kids really notice she is older they won't care - she will just be one of their friends!

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Nov 2004
    Chasing Daylight...
    2,034

    My DD is now 11 and she did pre-school and then prep in QLD, which means she's a year older than most of the children in her grade. She's fine socially, but really struggles academically.

    Kids develop and mature at really different rates. There are girls much younger than my DD who started wearing training bras last year, and some who look like they won't need them for some years to come

    I know it's hard, but don't put too much on weight on worrying if she'll get picked on etc. It's really important that she gets a solid circle of friends around her by the time she reaches upper primary, and so if you think she needs a little extra time now to develop her social and emotional and other relational skills, then now is the time to do it. She'll make friends who'll be her allies and helpers and supporters and cheer squad all through school, and that's one of the "make your child bully-proof" strategies the experts are talking about these days. A child who is isolated socially can be a bigger, easier target unfortunately.

    From a Mum who worried her way through a decision about whether or not to keep her DD back -- it was the best decision for my DD and I do not regret it at all.

    All the best.

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Apr 2008
    Melbourne
    6,745

    You have to look at each child individually and decide what is best at the time. This feels right for her so go with it. My dd1 is a feb baby and turned 5 at the start of her first year at school, some kids in her class are over a year older than her, some the year below her are older than her so there is a big spread. The older grades are composites at our school anyway so she always has kids older and younger than her in her classes.

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Feb 2006
    NSW Central Coast
    5,301

    Nope not at all. DD's bday is april. She would have coped going to school last year. But dh and I didn't want her to just cope, we want her to excel. Now being a year older and more mentally and emotionall mature, realise what a really great decision it was. Not just for now, but also for when she's older. I also wanted to give her that extra year free from responsibility, and to be a 'baby' a little longer.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Oct 2006
    In a house, on a hill with a big fat welcome mat!
    6,772

    Does anyone regret holding their child back a year?

    I think there will be others on the same situation so she won't be the only one that is older
    I was sent early and lots of my very good friends at school were a year older than me!

  9. #9
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    May 2007
    within a puff of pink
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    Chody- my eldest two DD's are June and Sept babies and i really believe that extra term or two they got was a huge benefit to them. Which is why I believe 3 terms just can not be enough...

    Divvy- some days she wants to go to school and some days she doesnt depends what mood she is in and when things change for her, she can get thrown for a 6 so thats why the babies timing is going to affect her alot. She had a melt down going back to day care/kindy after two weeks off for her surgery because her fav teacher wasnt there who is usually there... took me and the other teachers ages to calm her down

    Thanks for the replies

  10. #10
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Feb 2012
    Melbourne , Victoria
    2,109

    Does anyone regret holding their child back a year?

    From a professional point of view... I think you have made a very wise decision, especially because of your DD's nature and because you have a new baby due at the same time.
    I think it's always better to be that little bit older and be able to manage socially and emotionally and get a positive start to formal schooling. I think you are giving your DD a huge advantage :-)
    If your still feeling unsure, perhaps talk to the school.

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Aug 2006
    1,074

    Does anyone regret holding their child back a year?

    We held DS back. It has been the right decision for us. His teachers advised me to keep him back and as I trusted them,I did. But I always had my doubts. Seeing what other kids were doing confirmed it for me. He lacked interest this year at preschool and we took him to occupational therapy for his fine motor (he's left handed and its caused difficulty). I feel like while it was a really tough year having him home, he is better equipped for school.

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Sep 2005
    In the middle of nowhere
    9,362

    I struggled with the same decision. Up here DD1 did 6 terms of preschool. During the first half of the second year I thought I'd made a huge mistake. She was bored and under stimulated.

    Now she's going into year one and I couldn't be more pleased. As a little person she's been so much more well equipped within herself.

  13. #13
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Feb 2006
    melbourne
    11,462

    I should have said DD wasn't emotionally ready not socially, socially she's fine.

    EJ I'd send your DD in 2014, you can always repeat kinder

  14. #14
    Registered User

    May 2008
    Melbourne
    1,838

    That's what i'm thinking Olive As it was said earlier as part of someone elses reasoning, i want her (my boys also) to excell, i want her to be confident to be herself in all that she's presented with in life.

    An extra year at home may be challenging for both parent and child but the benefits could be so worth it in the long run.

  15. #15
    Registered User

    Feb 2006
    Newcastle, NSW
    4,219

    Does anyone regret holding their child back a year?

    My Ds2 is starting school this year and will turn 6 a few days later. I do not, for one second regret holding him back. He definitely needed the extra year of maturity and social skills as he seemed so much younger than the kids that started last year. He is more than excited to be starting school now and is looking forward to it but last year he would have been like your LO, clingy etc as we still had teary moments at pre school.