My story of loss

Hello Everyone!

I am new to this forum and I am just learning how all this posting works. I am 23 years old and my husband and I will be married one year in June. Back in October we found out some surprising news. I was six weeks out from my last period and I had just gotten off BC three months prior. My mom told me to take a preg test and I told her there was no way I could be pregnant as we were using protection. Well three tests later I indeed was pregnant.

I always wanted to be a mom and looked forward to the day I would become one. I had a rough life growing and I have always been excited to give a child a great life. I went to my ultrasound and they found out I was only four weeks. I had to go back in two weeks to see the fetal heartbeat. We went back at seven weeks and the heart beat was slow at 91-93 beats per minute. The doctor wanted me back yet again in two weeks to check the heart beat again.

I work in an ER as a Registered Nurse and three days before my next appointment I was working and started to bleed bright red. I had to stop working and be seen. They sent me home that night with instructions on a threatened misscarriage. I went to the doctor on my scheduled date that Thursday and we recieved bad news.

The baby's heart had stopped beating. I had a d and c the following day. The date was December 5 and I was between nine and ten weeks pregnant. The thing is we have been trying to concieve since February and my mentrual cycles have been a mess since then. When it all first happened I took it very well. I didn't cry much I just kinda brushed it off and continued on with life. Now it has been 5 months and I am a wreck!!

I cry about it all the time. I have even had to leave a couple of my patients rooms that were pregnant because I almost started crying. I just can't seem to get over it. I pray every day God will help me find peace and it never comes. :( Now my sister inlaw is 8 weeks pregnant and I am trying so hard to be happy for them. The more she tells me the more I cry and ask God why this had to happen to me!!!!

I am sorry if I am going on and on here. I have a wonderful husband who has given me wonderful support but, guys are not like us. He doesn't talk about it like I do. Not many of my friends or family have been threw it so i really don't have many people to talk to about it.

I guess I just don't know how to move on???????????????????

I am really glad I found this forum. Please keep me in your prayers!!

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious angel. I wish I had words that could take away all your pain. I think the pain of a loss stays with us forever but we learn how to cope with our grief. For me it's been 3yrs since my son was stillborn and it still hurts, I cry but I have grown so much stronger with the years. I pray that God will give you the strength to get through this awful time.

Regards,
Dianne

awww im so sorry i know what you mean about the patients i was working in an antenatal clinic after i lost my first baby and it was sooooooo hard I HATED SEEING PREGNANT WOMEN! but we came through and got pregnant with our son almost a year later, even now i still feel sad about the first one, it will never leave you, but it will get a bit easier. I wish you luck oh i also had a D and C and it was the worst thing ever! im so sorry for you.

There is a lot of us that have been there, so you are not alone. Feel free to come here whenever you need to get anything off your chest.

I understand what you mean about your feeling of loss. When I need to have a cry then I do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are feeling.

We found out my SIL was pregnant not long after my miscarriage. I am very happy for them, but it was a kick in the guts. Why her and not me? It just doesn't seem fair.

However you should have hope that you will fall pregnant again and that it will all work out ok. I have PCOS and found the herbal treatment Vitex really helpful in regulating my cycles, so that might be something that you look into.

Fiona

Sorry to hear of your loss :hug:

Sending you lots of strength.

I am really sorry to hear what you have being going through and the loss of your precious baby. I can relate to some of how you are feeling especially working with pregnant people and as there care giver it can be hard to get out it. Like Fiona said it feels like a real kick in the guts and why them and not you. I feel like I am in a similar situation so I can relate to how you are feeling and working as a midwife (or RN) really doesn't help :cry: work is no distraction from what is happening. Its strange how the grief feels like its getting worse. I think with time and when your ttc and it hasn't happened again in the time frame we want its an even bigger reminder what we have lost. Really thinking of you and :pray: you concieve again soon and have a trouble free pregnancy :hug:

You are not alone. Your story is very similar to mine. I lost my bub just before 12 weeks as I found out at our scan. After I just wanted to be pregnant again so bad, but my cycle took a while to get back to normal. It took around 4 months for my cycle to get back to what is was prior to the miscarriage and in total it took 7 months before I got my BFP! It was hard to see pregnant women and every month that the test was negative was like a kick in the gut. But a month prior to falling pregnant I had to stop myself focusing so much on getting pregnant and relax a little so we went away on a little holiday and came back and I never got my period!
It will happen it just takes time and when your body is ready again it will be your turn.
I dont know if you are charting your cycle but I found using opks and taking my temps helped alot, I began to understand my body better.

I am so sorry for your loss of your little angle. Take care of yourself.

Thank you everyone for all your hugs, prayers, and strengths! I am so glad I found this forum! Hearing that I am not alone in this helps me to deal with it greatly! It is hard dealing with this kind of thing when no one around you has been threw it to understand what you are feeling. Thank you again for taking the time to reply :p