Ectopic & Grieving

Hi all, This is my 1st time here so excuse any mistakes.
I did a HPT 1day before my period was due which was postive. However i still got my period accompanied with heavy cramping. I assumed the HPT was wrong. However 2wks later i started bleeding heavily with bad pain mainly on my left side. I had a blood test which confirmed i was pregnant and booked into EPAS. I was expecting to see a dr who would tell me everything was ok and that it was normal to have some bleeding etc. I had more blood tests done which showed that m BHCG levels had dropped. I was so distraught . Then i had a US done to confirm the miscarriage. The sonographer started asking questions about the pain and bleeding. I knew immediately that something was wrong. The dr told me i had a suspected ectopic. 2days later i went back only to be told it needed to be treated with methotrexate. As if the pain of losing my baby wasn't enough i now had nausea and scabs around my mouth. 1wk later things appeared to be improving only to start haemorraging. Nothing came of that. Today my BHCG is at 3. I really feel like the world is closing in on me. Nobody seems to understand. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry and to just forget about it. How do you forget about your baby? This experience is testing me in every imaginable way. I am having problems sleeping and am so anxious all the time. Does anybody have any advice?

Aww hun im so sorry to hear about your loss i cant even imagine how your feeling but i would like you to know if you ever need someone to talk to you i am and im sure many others are always here to listen. My thoughts and prayers are with you beautiful

Hi moana.
I had an ectopic 2 years ago. I have since had another baby, but I still feel very deep sorrow for the baby that never got a chance to live.

I dont think you ever will or should forget your little one.

There is a website especially dealing with ectopic loss, and has a forum. Google 'ectopic trust UK'.

My only advise is to talk online or with a councellor etc, it helped me a lot to be able to just talk about my feelings and have a good few cries. Give yourself permission to grieve, even if those around you do not understand how hard this is for you.

Aroha nui :hug:

Thanks emmasn. I was at my wits end trying to find people to listen. Somebody recommended a forum. I think it was the best advice anybody has given me.

Thanks so much for the advice guys. It feels really hard to talk to friends who have never experienced this. Even people who have had miscarriages seem to think i should be over it by now. I forgot to mention that i have 2 beautiful children. Everyone says "at least you have 2 healthy children". I feel like yelling at them because it's lke they are completely dismissing the baby i will never get to meet or hold. Did anyone else feel like this?

Yes I definately felt that way Moana. I had an ectopic 6 weeks ago & although I feel a lot better mentally & physically now, I still sometimes feel very low. Its often when I go out in public & see pregnant women, or newborn babies, or even the other day my friend mentioned that another friend was 12 wks pregnant & all I could think was, well I would have been 15 wks. Just little things like that set me off & you will find that happens to you too. How are you recovering now from the methotrexalayte? Will you be ttc again soon? I didnt go down that path, instead I had surgery to remove my tube & the pregnancy. Its a very sad thing to go through, I wish you all the best & feel free to PM me if you just want to talk to someone who has been in the same position as you.

You will never forget they will always be in your heart and you will grieve and hurt and cry and punch a pillow and hate the world, even though it feels like you will hurt forever there will come a day where you hurt a little less, you will not think about it quite as often. It is one step at a time, if it takes a minute at a time to get through the day, take it a minute at a time, rest and cry and do what you need. A social worker once said to a bunch of abused kids "you need to feel the train before it will leave the station" i.e. you need to acknowledge and feel the hurt before it will start to heal and leave you.

Blessings and love PM/email me if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you I just lost my bubs it hurts like hell but there will be a day it won't hurt all the time.

CM

Thanks for the great advice. In the past week I have spent alot of time trying to come to terms with the loss of my baby. It has been such a rollercoaster of emotions but I must say it is starting to feel less saddening. I would have been 10wks today. It has been 3wks since the methotrexate and I am 99%. I still have a little bit of nausea and tiredness which I am putting down to all the crying. 1wk ago I was in such a sad place but I am definitely feeling more positive now.
Another thing that has been happened lately is leaking breasts. Is this normal? It is only on 1 side.
I am still not sure whether i want to TTC again. I just don't think i could go through this pain again. Even though the statistics are on my side I really don't want to risk it. I thank God everyday for my 2 children, and they have really been put on the back burner through all this.
Thanks again for the support. No doubt that my emotions will get the better of me on random days and I'll be back in here to let you all know.
xxx

Hi there!

I just wanted to write to tell you I know how you feel! I had an EP in Feb at 8 weeks and also received Methotrexate. The whole experience is a process I found I was so excited to be pregnant as we were unsure if it could happen but knew my HCG levels were low and then the us showed no baby in the uterus but HCG levels continued to rise. I was so thankful not to have surgery and it wasn't until later that I grieved our loss. The ectopic trust is a great place for support! I know it is really tough but take your time and focus on feeling better. I am almost at the 6 moth mark and we will be starting to TTC soon. I am scared but I have faith that it will happen. You will never forget but it does get easier:) Every emotion you feel is justified! PM if ya want to chat:p

Time will tell, its too early for you to make that ttc decision. Give it time & you will know whats right for your & your family. xox

I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter whether the time is short or long, losing a little one will hurt. Take your time to grieve and heal, and this group is wonderful for support. Take care of yourself. :)