At my wits end with DS1 (a bit gross)

Hi all,
I am after some suggestions as to what to do about my 6 year old DS.

A quick background first, He has encropsis ( I think that's the spelling) Which is basically really bad constipation where his bowels are blocked and poo leaks out . He is also in the process of being assessed for Aspergers. He has done really well at school this year and got fantastic marks in everything.

Ok so with his bowels, its not uncommon for us to go through 4 pairs of jocks a day. As the poo is old it stinks badly. I can deal with this as i know he has no control over it and is on medication everyday for it. I can even deal with the toilet being dirty.

However what I can not deal with is poo being wiped all over my house. He gets it on his fingers and then wipes it everywhere. I mean it is on the toilet paper the toilet paper holder the floor of the toilet and the walls. I have shampooed his carpet as it has been there too.....ok fast forward to this week.

I sat down with Ds and calmly spoke to him about this, I said i understand he has a problem and I am not cross at his jocks, but Mummy does not like poo being wiped everywhere and it is not acceptable behavior. I explained that it is dirty and has germs and will make everyone sick. I asked him if he could stop doing this.
Ok so anyway the next day it was on the wall again, so i made him clean it off and clean the toilet too. Fast forward to today . I go into his room to help clean up and there is poo smeared on the carpet , wiped on his wall and crumbs everywhere....I asked him why and he shrugged his shoulders. I sent him out the room and calmly started taking all his toys out. I have now taken every toy out of his room, made him clean the walls and carpets........

What else can I do...
In the past I would have lost it at him yelled, screamed and smacked him. But I am in more control as a parent now , so what do i do?

If you got through reading this Thank you
Tan

I couldn't read and not give you a :hug: I have no advice, but I'm hoping that someone else will be able to help.

Perhaps you can try posting in the Children's Medical Condition section? Might get a few more responses?

Best of luck with this.

Oh hun I don't know :( When you talk to him does he understand? Does he just sort of nod or do you think he understands when you explain about the germs?

Maybe tell him to come and see you everytime he has poo on his hands and every time he does he gets a star in a star chart or something? And then when he gets x amount of stars he gets a prize?? That way you are praising him for doing the right thing not the other way around iykwim??

It must be really hard for you...is it something that can be fixed? Poor little bugger :(

I would also make him clean it in areas which are not appropriate like his bedroom and walls, carpet. As for around the toilet and the toilet roll holder etc I would do that myself if I thought it was accidental. Maybe not the floor though.

Is it deliberate everywhere like around the loo etc? I mean I would imagine he would use his finger to help get the poo out if he has problems using his bowels and the carpet and walls wouldn't explain how it got there unless its deliberate. I was just thinking if he is using his finger to help for what ever reason it would be so easy to accidently smear it on the walls around light switches etc and especially in the bathroom. What about a poo wiping towel if he uses his finger to help get it out?

Sounds like you are already going the right way about some discipline. Any chance of tiling the bedroom instead of carpet if its going to be a long term problem? Hope you find a solution which helps with the problem soon.

Oh Tan, that must be so frustrating :hug: I can relate as my nearly 5 yo is in a similar boat although not to the same extent and thankfully not the smearing.

We have found the greatest improvement has come from seeing an OT for this. She has been absolutely fantastic, and while I think it's too soon to say that all is well, things are certainly better than they were. Have you been working with an OT at all? If not, maybe that's something to think about, and if so, maybe you could ask the advice of the OT as to what to do. I am constantly amazed at the number of strategies they seem to have!

I hope you find some answers hun. It really is hard to deal with.

:hug: Hope you can get through to him soon :hug: xx

That's a tough one.

Maybe you could see a child behaviour expert. Ask your GP if there is one in your area.

Does he get the poo on his fingers when he is at the loo or does he stick his fingers in his jocks?

And has the problem come up at school as well or do you think it may be directed at you?

I suppose what I am asking is does he deliberately get his hands dirty and then smear or are his hands getting dirty as a consequence and then he is just trying to wipe them off on the most convenient thing?

Maybe having some hand wipes about - like wet ones or similar - that he could use to wipe his hands whenever they are dirty.

Sorry that I can't be more help - but I wish you luck. :hug:

Hi, I have figured out that the problem occurs when he has pooed in his jocks and then puts his hand in them. The thing is half the time he doesnt know if he has pooed as he has lost a lot of feeling in his bowels etc.
I can handle it being in the toilet etc. I have brought him wiggles toddler wipes and also the new kleenex toilet wipes . These are placed in tubs in both toilets and the bathroom. The problem is he does it and instead of just washing his hands or grabbing a wipe, he wipes it of on the nearest thing and he knows its wrong as he tries to hide it. I recently found it under my lounge chair where he thought I couldn't see it. There was also wipe marks on the side of the chairs and his wardrobe.

I have told him all he has to do is wash his hands or come and ask Me for help.
He has pooed his pants at school before but I am not aware of any poo wiping.
He is booked back in for more xrays etc in the new year.

The accidents I can deal with but the deliberate wiping around my house is just driving me insane.

Unfortunately as you have to put up with it I think its sounds pretty normal for his age group. I mean if you watch a young child pick there nose and if they dont eat their snot they will usually wipe it on something like under their desk or wall, chair etc. Same with bloody chewing gum. How many school chairs, desks even at restraunts do you see it? It doesn't make it any easier for you I know and I guess the trick will be to educate him about wiping poo around on anything but a tissue, wipes, loo paper etc as it is not appropriate due to the site and smell. Best of luck. I hope he grows out of it quickly and he gets some help for his bowels that works for him.

Maybe you could try explaining to him that he shouldn't use his hands to check - that grown up boys go to the toilet to see if they have done a poo.

If he isn't doing it at school then it sounds more like something that he can control when he wants to (the hands in the pants thing I mean)

It must be terrible for you both.

That sounds so frustrating. :hug:

To me it sounds like he might not understand how to clean it up on his own. Maybe you need to go through the processes of cleaning it iwth him so he's not wiping it on walls or carpet. It will probably take a couple of weeks before it becomes automatic for him. Also strategically place some nappy wipes, hand sanitiser and things like that around the house for him to grab if and when it happens. Maybe also make up a picture chart of the process and place one in the toilet that he can refer to if necessary.

:hug: tan you poor thing :(

it must be harder to knowing that he has no control over it and by hell having something simular atm does my head in. Perha[s he is feeling dirty and wants to 'wipe' it of IFYKWIM

would it pay for you to get him some winged pads made for in his jocks at all? that way if their soiled its the pad thats being replaced and maybe a little more security for him?

please let me know and I'll make you some up and send them over if you think they will help.

:hug:

It is a difficult situation, and there are some really good suggestions here. I just wanted to point out that it is really common for these things to happen at home and not school, but that doesn't mean that it's behaviour he can control. At first we thought the fact that DS was better at kindy meant his problems at home were behavioural, but our OT cleared up that myth and explained that this isn't the case at all.

I hope something here helps you tan :hug: