I got a wedding invitation today....

I love receiving wedding invitations. For me a wedding invitation is the first glimpse of what the wedding will be like, they set the scene so to speak.

This invitation is beautiful, it is hand made, the bride has spent alot of time and effort on them. It is gold, black and blue - very simple yet elegant and the colours work well together.

So I opened it and read,

It's an invitation for a reception, they are having a private ceremony.

Down the bottom in smaller print than the rest of the invitation it says:

:

---

Please no gifts as you will be paying for your own meal

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There's no asking, or requesting, just YOU WILL BE PAYING!

Is it just me or do you think there could be more tactful ways of requesting guests pay for their own meals in leiu of gifts?

It's not soemthing I would ask of my wedding guests but is this done often nowadays?

Oh wow - imagine that split bill!

Or do you have to forward them the money beforehand so that noone can get there then not pay?

Seems frought with difficulty to me - but having said that - if you want a larger reception but jsut can't afford it then I suppose it is a way of getting what you want.

I wonder how much they expect you to pay. It is not unusual for a wedding to cost $100 a head.

I think the request is fair enough, I would probably do this at my wedding as the cost of a reception is huge.
I definately think it could have been worded a bit differently. It seems more like a demand than a request...

I went to a wedding like that (except they still asked for gifts, lol!), but the invitation had the cost of the meal and a bit of a menu, it was $30 pp and we paid at the door.

i think it is ok to request this, HOWEVER, they could have worded it better and put in more details like kinds of food on offer and prices.

Do you think we'd be paying for our drinks as well or just food? ;)

I would think that if they can't be bothered to pay for their guests meals, then they probably won't be putting on a bar tab either.
IMO, I think it's worded quite rudely. Sounds like for the guests it's going to be an expensive night.

Yeah, i do think they could have shown a bit more tact when requesting guests pay for their meals as opposed to a gift.
We went to a wedding about 8 years ago, where the bride and groom requested that our gift to them be in the form of contributing to our meal. It was $50 or $55 per head back then. They had details on when the money needed to be paid etc, BUT it was done with a whole load of tact that in no way did it come across as demanding.

Is there any mention of costs? You wouldn't want to find out how much you are forking out after you accept or arrive at the venue.
Did they include a menu?
We were given one for the above wedding, so we could make a decision if it was worth the money or not. 2 choices per course... helps if there are certain things you won't or can't eat. I would hate to accept and pay then find out it is all food that i wouldn't touch.

I imagine if they're not paying for the food, they won't be paying for drinks either (or they may put a short tab on the bar). I've not had that experience before, but that's just a guess.

I don't know if it's done more now. I know I couldn't have done it, in fact we went with fewer people so we could afford the ones who came.

I actually think it is a great idea so long as it is organised properly, although there could have been some creativity and tact in the wording!

We went to a wedding a couple of years ago where you were sent a menu with your invite and you chose what you wanted and sent the money (cheque/ money order or something) to the grooms mum (the brides mum was not involved in her life). It was great, you got to eat what you wanted, entree or no entree. They still had a cake and dance and it was at a little funky cafe/resturant. When you got there your placecard had what you'd orderded on the back and they just brought the meals out like a normal resturant.

Loved it - one of the best weddings.

After thought: I must have missed the private ceremony part... bizarre - I too think this is the most important part.

How tacky...the wording I mean not the request.

But saying that...they don't want you to intrude on their ceremony - which is possibly the most important part, but they want you to contribute to the party....

I understand that weddings are expensive, but if you can't or don't want to afford it, why don't you just have something more low key instead of the whole fanfare?

I have heard of this happening but yea I think there could have a much better way to say that...maybe a little poem like ppl do when they live together and have everything so have a wishing well instead?

Also I think a price guide or where to get info etc would be good so that people on tighter budgets cann plan

Is there any mention earlier on the invite of the cost?

If (for example) the invitation earlier says something like $50pp and then that statement at the bottom its not as rude as if it was just the statement at the bottom..does that make sense? Oh it does in my head lol

There's no mention of how much the meal will cost, whether drinks are provided or we buy them and no menu. Just the time, date and name of the restaurant.

Actually, looking at it again, our names arent even on the invitation...I'm not even sure whether the kids are invited or not. I guess if we're paying for our meals it woudln't matter would it?

The envelope was addressed to Mr&Mrs B----

Crap on every level that one....

I went to one that was pay your own way but wasnt quite as tacky worded!!!!

Sounds rude Tinks and I aggree if paying own way I cant see why kids cant go!

WHAT :o

Really you cant to share you wedding with those close but dont invite them to the ceremony for starters? What the hell is with that???
A wedding is a celebration to be shared...annoucing to the world and those around you the commitment to each other...I cant get over that. pft to it I say...and then to go to a reception after the fact to have to pay for your own meal??!!!! Its like going to the movies half way through the movie started isnt it.

Its cold babe...very cold and then to put the meal thing in small print :( BLAH.

The word's

TIGHT FISTED

come to mind.

Then it definately sounds rude to me, how are you supposed to know if you can even afford it if they have given you no cost? :doh: