No tears left :(

I had an ultrasound at 7wks 5dys along to determine my due date after a positive pregnancy test 2 weeks earlier. I don't have the words to describe how I felt watching that tiny little heartbeat or after hearing that everything looked as it should.
I kept the news to myself and immediate family until I was 11 weeks along, I couldn't wait any longer.
3 days later (which was 4 days ago) I had a M/C. This was also my DP's birthday.

It happened over 3 days. Most of that time was spent in hospital. At first just a little spotting and then early the next morning a lot of bleeding. Then later that day the ultrasound with that unbearable silence while he listened for a heart beat (i'm assuming that's what it was for, the sonographer didn't speak much). I couldn't watch. My DP did and he regrets it. On the second night horrible pain and then, late on day 3, the D&C. Mine was a missed M/C.

I was told my unborn baby died at around the 8 week mark, it seems too cruel, so unfair..I watched the heart beating only DAYS earlier. I carried my baby for another 3 weeks totally unaware.
I can't possibly have any tears left. I don't want to go to sleep at night because I know i'll have to deal with it all over again the next day and it always seems to be worse in the morning. I feel so much guilt even though I know that it usually happens because there's something wrong with the baby. I feel empty. I'm forcing myself through the daily motions. I can't get past the memory of watching my incredibly supportive, thoughtful, caring DP sit beside me in the hospital as I lay losing his baby on his birthday. I know the pain has to stop some time but I just don't see how that could be possible.


An angel in the Book of Life wrote down my baby's birth,
then quietly closed it whispering, ’Too beautiful for earth.’

big :hug: hun so sorry for your loss.

I recently went through a similar thing and I know that nothing I say or do can take that pain away from you and make everything alright. If I could I would because knowing the pain I went through I don't want others experiencing the same.

But hun although the pain will never go away it does get easier, I never thought i'd get through the hurt but i am coping, sure some days are bad but you will manage. Give yourself time to grieve and recover, it's only early days and yes where you are now I didn't think it was possible either. Take carexx and again so sorry for your loss.

just wanted to send you some big hugs, im so sorry for your loss and that your beautful little baby flew away.
im sure you will find BB a great place of support and help. hugs to you.

I am so sorry for yours and your DP loss
i can not imagine how u must feel and what u are going through, i can not offer advice but say please be kind to yourself , you are strong, this will be hard but i hope u will be ok.

BB has so many great supportive ppl and i know u will find comfort and support here

hugs for u and my heart is with u x

Thanks so much for the reassurance and kind words. I already do feel a little better because of it.
Sorry too for your loss em..it's good to hear you're coping. The rollercoaster of emotions is crazy but it is only early days and I will try to be patient and give myself more time to grieve and recover.

Sweetheart I am so so sorry that you have had to experience this, it is such an awful thing to go through.

As em said, the pain doesnt ever leave but it does get easier as time goes by. I found a beautiful little pendant that is inscribed when our little one grew wings and although it took a while for me to be able to wear it, having been able to 'have my memories close' has been comforting. Perhaps something to commemorate your angel baby is something that you might want to do.

Big hugs hun xx

Oh Seh I am so so sorry, I had a missed m/c too :( As em said the pain never goes away, but it does get easier. I got a crystal for Splat, it hangs in the light and reminds me that I was chosen to carry this baby for the short time he was here. Grieving sucks, but it's neccessary, be kind to yourself over the next few weeks, and remember there's always bellybelly xoxo

Seh i am very sorry for your loss, I myself have had a handful of m/c and also gave birth to a son who passed away a few hours later and as it has already been said the pain never goes away but you really do learn to live with it.
Take all the time you need to grieve and do it YOUR way there is no right or wrong way of doing it. Big hugs.