I had an ultrasound at 7wks 5dys along to determine my due date after a positive pregnancy test 2 weeks earlier. I don't have the words to describe how I felt watching that tiny little heartbeat or after hearing that everything looked as it should.
I kept the news to myself and immediate family until I was 11 weeks along, I couldn't wait any longer.
3 days later (which was 4 days ago) I had a M/C. This was also my DP's birthday.

It happened over 3 days. Most of that time was spent in hospital. At first just a little spotting and then early the next morning a lot of bleeding. Then later that day the ultrasound with that unbearable silence while he listened for a heart beat (i'm assuming that's what it was for, the sonographer didn't speak much). I couldn't watch. My DP did and he regrets it. On the second night horrible pain and then, late on day 3, the D&C. Mine was a missed M/C.

I was told my unborn baby died at around the 8 week mark, it seems too cruel, so unfair..I watched the heart beating only DAYS earlier. I carried my baby for another 3 weeks totally unaware.
I can't possibly have any tears left. I don't want to go to sleep at night because I know i'll have to deal with it all over again the next day and it always seems to be worse in the morning. I feel so much guilt even though I know that it usually happens because there's something wrong with the baby. I feel empty. I'm forcing myself through the daily motions. I can't get past the memory of watching my incredibly supportive, thoughtful, caring DP sit beside me in the hospital as I lay losing his baby on his birthday. I know the pain has to stop some time but I just don't see how that could be possible.


An angel in the Book of Life wrote down my baby's birth,
then quietly closed it whispering, ’Too beautiful for earth.’