I've cut my dad out..

It was a long time coming really, but I cut my dad out of my life 8 weeks ago. Its been a lot easier than I thought, the hardest being my relationship with my mum, sister and brother.
It all came to a head after my second daughter was born, my parents wanted to visit over the weekend, I said no because we were busy, my dad called me a few nights later half drunk.
He had so many lovely things to say about me (not) but what did it for me was when he started saying hurtful things about my fiance who had done NOTHING to deserve such hatred. I told him then and there not to contact me again.
Its been hard because not even my mother thinks what he said was wrong, nor his previous behaviour. I guess thats normal in an abusive relationship. I find it hard to talk to my mum, I asked her once if she felt I deserted to be hit by my dad. Her response? A very long pause followed by a I don't know.
My brother is trying to say my dad is not that bad. And my sister doesn't even have a voice in the family!
My dad is very poisonous and controlling. I'm glad he is out of my life.

:hug: it sounds like you made the right decision, but I bet you are hurting just now. I have not spoken to my dad since January, it breaks my heart most of the time, but some relationships are too toxic even when the love between a child and their parent is there.

:hug: hun. It sounds like you've done the right thing, although it can't be easy. Stay strong xx

Sometimes, life just seems to take that path. I had similar situation with my father, and I have had on and off relationship all my life. I have not seem him for about 5 years now though and I find it is much easier that way. Violence doesn't solve anything and nobody needs that in their life. You have made the right decision for you and your family. Congratulations for standing up for yourself, I know from experience that it is not easy to stand up to a controlling, much stronger, and much bigger father.

All the best.

P.S congratulations on the birth of your baby :D

I am sure this has been a hard decision for you to make. I was speaking to a friend a while back and we were talkiing about the day in your adult life when you suddenly realise that maybe just maybe.............. you don't have to listen to your parents, nor like them as other adults, or accept the way they may treat or speak to you. Goodluck with your decision.

Sometimes ties need to be broken for your own happiness and sanity.

Regards,
Dianne

Aw Chick, you must feel so betrayed. Your parents are supposed to protect and nurture you, not abuse and hurt you.
Well done you for standing up for yourself and being your own protector. You don't need that in your life xox

:hug: you have done the right thing....

Hopefully your mum will see the light for her sakes and that of her children and grandchildren:hug:

:clap: Bravo girl! I come from a family which is also severely dysfunctional and know how hard this can be. Especially with other family members who side with the perpetrator/s. My mum cut her parents out years ago (wish she would do the same with her sister, but that's another story). You have done the right thing - stay strong. You and our family gain nothing from having toxicity in your life, even if it comes in the form of "family". You will find yourself in a few years at such a place of peace without him in your life that you will be amazed. :clap:

:hug:

Good for you hun. It's a very hard thing to do in a lot of respects cos there is still that "he's my dad" thing somewhere in your mind. I cut my dad out twice. I gave him a second chance and he proved that things were in fact still the same as ever. He was a game player and a very selfish and self centred man. One example was he wanted to buy life insurance for my brother and I for Christmas (long time ago) BUT he was to be the beneficiary.... ummm thanks, but no thanks! The unfortunate side to my story is he committed suicide this year, but I don't hold myself accountable or contributing to this at all. It's been many years since we spoke but there was still a feeling of how dare you and wow I have no dad now. All that said though, I felt lighter once I had cut him out of my life because it wasn't healthy having him in it.

:hug: :hug:

:hug::hug:hope u feel relieved and a sense of self worth u deserve it and good on u for not wanting such childish and obviouswly ridiculous behaviour around ur kids... hope u r ok and stay strong babe u did the right thing by the sounds of it...

Good for you, setting your boundaries. It must have been so hard not to be backed up by your family.

I haven't completely cut my dad out of my life but I hardly ever speak to him or visit. He's not a particularly well man and I guess that his doctor/social workers etc think I'm evil, but I just.don't.care.

i cut my dad out 7 years ago
:)
he abused me (sexually) for most of my childhood.
but it took me 12 yrs to say a word, and another 4 to cut him out of my life.
best thing ive ever done.. if he ever came near my kids id kill him.. literally!
good thing tho he has no idea they exist.. and never will!
:hug:

as much as it hurts...sometimes you just have to do whats best for you and you're life