My dad

Is going to a retirement/nursing home next week. eta - he is going for respite to see how he likes it

I don't want him to go, I'm not ready and either is he. Well he is a bit ready but the thought is stressing him out so much and making him more forgetful.

There is so much to do, I'm so tired and can't even process this. Anyway, I just miss him. I never get a chance to see him anymore and have a laugh and pick on people walking past us.
I miss working with him and him begrudging my ability to pick a spaz by their handwriting NOT the complex psych reports we were analysing, I miss him calling me F face when he can't remember which daughter he is talking to (there are 4 of us) and I miss how he used to call the distillery of whatever whiskey he was drinking to congratulate them on their produce.

I'm glad I have my sisters - one is madly running around looking at other places for dad to stay in case he doesn't like it and the other is liaising with the dr and making sure he is eating.

I truly hope the respite care will help him lift the depression and perk him up a bit but I'm also worried he will miss his stuff - his books and artwork, his trinkets and his stupid feral cat.

I'm worried the staff will talk to him in that sing-song perky voice and treat him like he is stupid. I'm not sure he has the strength to tell them to rack off. I want them to treat him like fricken ROYALTY.

I don't want to think about it anymore.

I can't fix it but I just want you to know I'm here and I hope the staff do treat him with lots of respect. Big huge mofo :hug:

Lu.. Its a hard decision that you've made. And a sucky one. I worked in a nursing home for over 4 years and I won't say anything unless you want to know. So if you have questions you want answered honestly I am happy to do so. My MIL has come to me a few times and talked to me about Retirement / nursing homes for her dad because she knows that I won't sugar coat it and tell it exactly how it is. Which alot of staff and management etc obviously won't tell you kwim. But yeah, Im here .. ask away. :hug:

:hug: I hope he is happy in his new home and is treated with the respect and love he deserves. Big hugs to you x

Oh Lulu I get tears in my eyes just reading that...
It's one of the hardest things to see and do :( I think this bit is REALLY hard... I actually think I did a lot of preemptive grieving when at a point like you are at now. But in the medium term, if he finds the place*ok* and has more people around and less general stress/discomfort in his day to day life, it might be ok for him and he might smile. And you can always go see him. You still have him and he still has you. My experience was that nothing could actually change the person as I knew them or the place they would always hold in my heart, it's just about getting old. Sad but inevitable.
lots of :hug: to you

Hugs, Lu, it must be hard x

:hug: Lu, I'm sorry your going through this & I'm here if u need to chat x

:hug: Lulu, your dad sounds super cool.
Old age sux.
Take care xx

Thinking of your dad, hope he settles in well & the staff treat him with respect. I've been a nurse for 11 years so I understand what you're going through.

:hug: Lulu, I hope your Dad finds his groove and is happy again. xox

Sorry no words just :hug:

Lulu, what a difficult change for your dad. Is he able to take some trinkets etc to try and make the room 'his'? I hope he is ok in there and the facility and staff are decent. (((HUGS)))

Oh Lulu :hug: That sucks.

I work in a nursing home, too (and I'm always treating everyone like royalty ;) ) So if you have any questions... just ask!
You know, if he doesn't like being in the nursing home, there is another option. Many nursing homes have apartments adjacent to their main property where residents live that need minimal care. They can keep all their possessions and maybe even the cat! You can arrange to have someone come in once a day to check up on him. They even offer food services, where they bring him 1, 2 or 3 meals a day (depending on what you want) and they also offer laundry services and cleaning if needed. This way he feels more like it's 'his' apartment, but he can get help when he needs it! DTMS?

Oh Lulu. I know this has been and continues to be hard for you. :hug: I can't give advice but I can give you plenty of :hug: I hope he likes this place and they are good to him.

MG

It is so sucky and so horrible putting someone so dear to you into respite or a nursing home. I honestly feel your pain chick and I know there is nothing I can do or say to make things better but just know I am thinking of ya and you're not alone :hug:

All I can offer is hugs :hug: and a positive story: My grandparents have been in the same retirement village/nursing home since I was in my 20s.... so well over 10 years. My Pa is still in the independent living apartment but has wheels on meals daily and help minutes away if he needs it. He is next door (about 100m) away from Nana who is in the nursing home section because she needs more care. I saw them both last week and they looked and seemed great. The staff were also lovely and from all reports always treated them with dignity. Both of them are still the same people as I have always known... it's just that their bodies are getting older... they are both in their 90s now. I think it has helped that they know nearly every other resident as this home is in a rural location... however I wouldn't mind living there myself! So maybe it's just a case of finding the right one! :goodluck:

I work in a nursing home, and I'd like to think I don't speak in a condescending tone... I only see it from my side, i have no idea how you're feeling but :hug:

:hug::hug: I hope it's a fantastic place for him and that he's ruling it within days.

My grandad took ages before he realised he needed more care than my aunt and uncle could give him at home. He LOVED it. All the old ladies were after him, wanting him to sit with them and chatting to him. He had his own room (he couldn't do independent living at that stage) with his stuff and his life revolved around meal time and getting to the betting shop (which wasn't so different to his life before being in a nursing home). Most important to us, he was happy.