My husband & I are fighting because my hospital refused me, & i don't know what to do

im not sure where to put this, and im typing through tears
as some may have read my thread on thursday that my bmi was 1 point over the hospitals limit and after having 5 babies there, they have refused to let me labour there.

So now my husband and i are fighting, origanally, i was going to send off a letter hoping to get my case reviewed, since then i have decided not too, and to just let it be, and go to another hospital, which my husband is against, he is yelling at me, saying i should put my letter in, telling me its all about me, i dontthink of anyone else.

You see i dont drive, my husband drives, so he is going on about driving to another hospital when we have one 5 min down the road, he is going on about having to pay for parking, telling me its my fault im over the bmi, he even told me to drop dead, and why did we have this baby!

yes it is about me, i have to give birth, i need to feel comfortable, there are 2 other hospitals i can go to, 1 i have been told by everyone not to, and thats the one he wants me to go to, cause its better for traffic!

i dont want to go to either, i want to stay where i was comfy, i feel like crap cause i am overweight, i feel like crap cause i cant birth where i want and i feel like crap cause my husband isnt being supportive!

He says he is supportive but he cant be over this, he wants me to fight the decision, i need to move forward, what if i fight it and they say no, then i have wasted time, time moving on, time getting used to the idea im birthing somewhere else.

im angry with him, but then thats me making it all about myself!

My husband really is a great man, he does so much for this family, he is the sole driver, the sole wage earner, and i do understand his frustration, and i know he doesnt mean to take it out on me, i think deap down inside he is just as hurt and as confussed as i am, but his choice of words, his yelling at me, it isnt helping.

i would even consider a home birth, but i cant afford a midwife, and my house isnt always tody, and if the hospital see me as being "high risk" then how am i supposed to bith at home?

i just dont know what to do, im very hurt and confused by all of this right now.

Sorry love I dont have any advice just big hugs :hug:

Awww hun :hug: maybe just give it a little time to settle down and let him have a little think about whats been said
you have to do what makes you comfortable
:comfort:

Go to bed and sleep. Thats the best advice I can give right now Anila. In the end, as long as bubba comes healthy, then its 'all good', so to speak. Rest, and we'll talk tomorrow :)

:

---

i dont want to go to either, i want to stay where i was comfy, i feel like crap cause i am overweight, i feel like crap cause i cant birth where i want and i feel like crap cause my husband isnt being supportive!

---

So fight it.
Problem solved.
Lose some weight, which you can do safely while pregnant, and get that 1 BMI point back if you have too.
But fight it. And remove the problem. AND you will birth where you want to.

(Sorry can't be more tactful, on my phone lol :hug:)

Agreed!! The best 2 (but so not the easiest) options here are fight the hospital or lose just that little bit of weight.
If you don't want to go to the other hospitals you shouldn't have to! We can be here to help support you to! You can do it and you can hve your baby in the hospital that you are comfortable in!!!

And your dh May just be scared and as frustrated as you are but it definitely doesn't help does it! :hug:

And massive :hug: to your dh saying hurtful things, I just re read you post... I don't think he meant what he said!!!!! I hope not! Xx
Let us know what happens!

Did they do the bmi on your Pre pg weight or your current weight? If it was your current weight well that's wrong! I was concerned about that with my hossy cause I'd put on weight early on and they said no it's the Pre pg weight they use.

:

---

My husband really is a great man

---

Well after what he said to you, it is not his finest hour! He is just being mean, he needs to calm down and think about it. Chosing a hospital purely on because it is better traffic wise is an insult. You deserve to be able to pick where you want to birth, yes it is about YOU. Big squeezy hugs to you hun, I hope your DH has calmed himself this morning and realised what a tool he has made of himself.

Well you can still birth at home. Independent midwives usually don't care what your BMI is - mine has never asked how much I weigh, and nor would she.

As for payment, well some come with payment plans so you could probably pay with the baby bonus after the birth if you asked them?

I'd go with the home birth option, then fighting the hospital where you feel most at peace in. After all, it is your body that has to go through it, so you are the one that has to be comfortable. And if that means you have to lose a little bit of weight, then maybe its worth doing?

:hug: that sux hun. Do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable. And wherever that takes you, go. And :crossfingers:

Consumer Complaints

It's not a helpful link but it says to find the complaints person, ask the hospital switchboard. On another page it says to put the complaint in writing and to do so quickly so they can take action!

Redland Hospital
PO Box 585
Cleveland Q 4163
Fax 3488 3436

:

---

Well you can still birth at home. Independent midwives usually don't care what your BMI is - mine has never asked how much I weigh, and nor would she.

As for payment, well some come with payment plans so you could probably pay with the baby bonus after the birth if you asked them?

I'd go with the home birth option, then fighting the hospital where you feel most at peace in. After all, it is your body that has to go through it, so you are the one that has to be comfortable. And if that means you have to lose a little bit of weight, then maybe its worth doing?

---

agree 100%!

seriously, find the cash, do what you gotta do. for us, going for a HB solved all the problems and is, in all honesty, the most respectful way for everyone to bring a baby into the world.

Your BMI with an IM is of no concern because they are there totally for you. they are able to be there at a moments notice and they check you so thoroughly at every appt. this is just something that a hossy cannot do due to numbers and time restraints at appts. oh, and HB makes all those appts awesome as you dont need to drag kids around everywhere....they can play at home while you get seen by the IM :)

Maybe write the letter, complain and if you wanted, lose a bit of weight (that sounded horrible, but it wasn't meant to! Honest! :))... That way, you've put up a fight, of sorts, and if it's still rejected, least you've made an effort.

itms. Best of luck xx

Just offering some hugs hun...

The support of my DH is more important to me than anything, I'm impressed that he is also taking a 'driving role' in the birth of your bubba as so many guys tend to fall into the background with the 'yes dear, no dear' approach. But at the same point, you don't need anymore stress. Rock and a hard place eh?

Would it make a difference if you tried to lose a few kg's? Or now they've made up their mind that is it, is it? If you've still got a shot try to sneak in a daily walk or something else you like to do activity wise perhaps...big hugs hun!

xoxox

Big hugs sweetie, what a stressful time for you ATM! I hope you got some good rest hun. I think you should write this letter, because by the sounds of it both you and your hubby want to go to the hossy you've already given birth to all your babies. And it's nice and close too. One point over is so silly, they should allow you to birth there IMO. What do the hossy want you to do? You are pg for goodness sake, so your weight will be going up, what weight do they want you to be?????? Seriously, appeal the hossy's decision and fight it. I would, and then at least you're doing something about it and hopefully your hubby will see that you're fighting it and you're not taking it laying down. I think deep down he is feeling angry at how you are being treated & is taking it out on you!

Let us know how you go hun and please try not to stress too much.

B xoxoxoxo

:hug: I have been in your position not so long ago.
I made sure my weight stayed within the allowed BMI's, as I would be sent to hospy 2hrs away.

I would lose some weight or fight hospy, but also I would consider Home Birth. I looked into that also when I was in the same position.

:hug: Take care hun xo

It does sound like he needs a it of a cool down preiod to let him digest whats going on. That doesn't change the fact that he was really quite hurtful with some of the things he said you sweet :hug:.

Yes I still think as the others have said you still have 2 options: try & work on your BMI between now & then; & write your letter of complaint about how they treated you.

But he is the father of your child....so what's wrong with him helping you to stand up for yourself & bub with the hospital???? Why does it have to be solely your responsibility? He could've written the letter complaining about how his wife was treated.

:hug:

Give your DH a big kick up the bum for me. Tell him to write the letter and start the complaint process if he is soo determined you should. I understand that when you are that far along it can all get to be a bit too much, and takes so much time and energy fighting something - even if you do feel that some part of you does want to fight it. As for his complaint about being the driver - boohoo - tell him to try being the passenger when you are in labour: it is no walk in the park.

:hug:

I hope you get a resolution to all of this soon.