My husband & I are fighting because my hospital refused me, & i don't know what to do

[Anila]

im not sure where to put this, and im typing through tears
as some may have read my thread on thursday that my bmi was 1 point over the hospitals limit and after having 5 babies there, they have refused to let me labour there.

So now my husband and i are fighting, origanally, i was going to send off a letter hoping to get my case reviewed, since then i have decided not too, and to just let it be, and go to another hospital, which my husband is against, he is yelling at me, saying i should put my letter in, telling me its all about me, i dontthink of anyone else.

You see i dont drive, my husband drives, so he is going on about driving to another hospital when we have one 5 min down the road, he is going on about having to pay for parking, telling me its my fault im over the bmi, he even told me to drop dead, and why did we have this baby!

yes it is about me, i have to give birth, i need to feel comfortable, there are 2 other hospitals i can go to, 1 i have been told by everyone not to, and thats the one he wants me to go to, cause its better for traffic!

i dont want to go to either, i want to stay where i was comfy, i feel like crap cause i am overweight, i feel like crap cause i cant birth where i want and i feel like crap cause my husband isnt being supportive!

He says he is supportive but he cant be over this, he wants me to fight the decision, i need to move forward, what if i fight it and they say no, then i have wasted time, time moving on, time getting used to the idea im birthing somewhere else.

im angry with him, but then thats me making it all about myself!

My husband really is a great man, he does so much for this family, he is the sole driver, the sole wage earner, and i do understand his frustration, and i know he doesnt mean to take it out on me, i think deap down inside he is just as hurt and as confussed as i am, but his choice of words, his yelling at me, it isnt helping.

i would even consider a home birth, but i cant afford a midwife, and my house isnt always tody, and if the hospital see me as being "high risk" then how am i supposed to bith at home?

i just dont know what to do, im very hurt and confused by all of this right now.

[Amy_jellybean]

Sorry love I dont have any advice just big hugs

[Party-of-five]

Awww hun maybe just give it a little time to settle down and let him have a little think about whats been said
you have to do what makes you comfortable

[Sunny Love]

Go to bed and sleep. Thats the best advice I can give right now Anila. In the end, as long as bubba comes healthy, then its 'all good', so to speak. Rest, and we'll talk tomorrow

[LimeSlice]

i dont want to go to either, i want to stay where i was comfy, i feel like crap cause i am overweight, i feel like crap cause i cant birth where i want and i feel like crap cause my husband isnt being supportive!

So fight it.
Problem solved.
Lose some weight, which you can do safely while pregnant, and get that 1 BMI point back if you have too.
But fight it. And remove the problem. AND you will birth where you want to.

(Sorry can't be more tactful, on my phone lol )

[MrsBexie]

Agreed!! The best 2 (but so not the easiest) options here are fight the hospital or lose just that little bit of weight.
If you don't want to go to the other hospitals you shouldn't have to! We can be here to help support you to! You can do it and you can hve your baby in the hospital that you are comfortable in!!!

And your dh May just be scared and as frustrated as you are but it definitely doesn't help does it!

And massive to your dh saying hurtful things, I just re read you post... I don't think he meant what he said!!!!! I hope not! Xx
Let us know what happens!

[ezymay]

Did they do the bmi on your Pre pg weight or your current weight? If it was your current weight well that's wrong! I was concerned about that with my hossy cause I'd put on weight early on and they said no it's the Pre pg weight they use.

[*Twinkle*]

My husband really is a great man

Well after what he said to you, it is not his finest hour! He is just being mean, he needs to calm down and think about it. Chosing a hospital purely on because it is better traffic wise is an insult. You deserve to be able to pick where you want to birth, yes it is about YOU. Big squeezy hugs to you hun, I hope your DH has calmed himself this morning and realised what a tool he has made of himself.

[Arimeh]

Well you can still birth at home. Independent midwives usually don't care what your BMI is - mine has never asked how much I weigh, and nor would she.

As for payment, well some come with payment plans so you could probably pay with the baby bonus after the birth if you asked them?

I'd go with the home birth option, then fighting the hospital where you feel most at peace in. After all, it is your body that has to go through it, so you are the one that has to be comfortable. And if that means you have to lose a little bit of weight, then maybe its worth doing?

[Kazbah]

that sux hun. Do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable. And wherever that takes you, go. And

[*Sparklez*]

Anila, i couldnt read and not post cause this is p***ing me off!!
not you lol or anyone here but that building built called a hospital...

How dare they do this and treat you like this.... who the h*** do these people think they are?
i would take it further stuff them!! You have birthed there previously and now your just another number? so sad...
You mentioned you birthed there and your BMI was 47 and now your 46 and they are refusing?
Do you have that info anymore? cause that would be a great document to throw in their face and also request a copy of your records to show it obviously hasnt been like this for years...

I would say yeah loose weight but its hard and im not one to say do something that i know is hard when your not pregnant so i couldnt imagine while pregnant..
I think your DH is p***ed that everything has become chaotic but still doesnt excuse him for being so disrespectful...anger or no anger that is no way to talk to the mother of your children and ecspecially while carrying one of them too..
Tell him keep his willy in his pants and satisfy himself next time if thats the case.
And this is definently about YOU!!! the whole thing is about you and will be till you birth that baby.. its not an easy job.. and for a hospital that is meant to be supporting their patients they are doing a great job of ruining a persons life and home life..

Babe chin up and smile, no one or anything will ever change whats happening inside of you, and the idiots that are ruining your precious time, well lets say karma is a b****...
xoxox

[emc2]

Consumer Complaints

It's not a helpful link but it says to find the complaints person, ask the hospital switchboard. On another page it says to put the complaint in writing and to do so quickly so they can take action!

Redland Hospital
PO Box 585
Cleveland Q 4163
Fax 3488 3436

[Cassius2]

Well you can still birth at home. Independent midwives usually don't care what your BMI is - mine has never asked how much I weigh, and nor would she.

As for payment, well some come with payment plans so you could probably pay with the baby bonus after the birth if you asked them?

I'd go with the home birth option, then fighting the hospital where you feel most at peace in. After all, it is your body that has to go through it, so you are the one that has to be comfortable. And if that means you have to lose a little bit of weight, then maybe its worth doing?

agree 100%!

seriously, find the cash, do what you gotta do. for us, going for a HB solved all the problems and is, in all honesty, the most respectful way for everyone to bring a baby into the world.

Your BMI with an IM is of no concern because they are there totally for you. they are able to be there at a moments notice and they check you so thoroughly at every appt. this is just something that a hossy cannot do due to numbers and time restraints at appts. oh, and HB makes all those appts awesome as you dont need to drag kids around everywhere....they can play at home while you get seen by the IM

[sconeonamission]

Maybe write the letter, complain and if you wanted, lose a bit of weight (that sounded horrible, but it wasn't meant to! Honest! )... That way, you've put up a fight, of sorts, and if it's still rejected, least you've made an effort.

itms. Best of luck xx

[ezymay]

Like I said Hun they shouldn't have taken your BMI at 16 weeks!! I think you'd be able to fight it on those grounds.

[Anila]

when i rang the hospital to confirm the bmi, the midwife basiclly yelled down the ph at me, said that the bmi is taken at time of book in and thats what they go with.

but in my other thread, i was 15 weeks and bmi of 47 3 yrs ago and birthed there, this time i was 16 weeks bmi of 46, the only thing that changed was the head of o & g, so i think he changed the bmi, cause i was told told 3 yrs ago it was 49, but when i rang to confirm, all they would tell me was that it was 45 and has been for yrs!

but non of that helps the fighting with hubby.
i know he will calm down, i understand this is not what he wanted