wedding etiquette?

So we are off to a wedding next weekend. They are good friends of ours, and DD1 is going to be their flowergirl too.
The bride's aunt is making the flowergirl dress, and I know that once upon a time (I think), we would have to pay for her dress. But so far the bride hasnt said anything to me about it. Should I offer to pay for it or wait for the bride to ask me??

Also is the flowergirl required to buy the bride a present for the day as well?

Also the bride and groom have decided that instead of wedding gifts they would prefer guests to place money into a wishing well. Our personal problem is that, the most we can give would be at most $40 (you know the deal, single income and we are spending $$$ on going away for the wedding, accommodation, etc).

We have a few issues with the whole wishing well thing. We feel that it is a bit rude to ask people for money. I would personally rather choose a present to give them, something that comes from the heart. And well this couple is very well off. Unfortunately this last one, really sits uneasy with us. I don't comfortable giving people money, especially when they don't need it, there are so many people out there who need the money more than them.

how would you handle the wishing well situation?

We had a wishing well and we still had people buy us presents instead. Do what you want they will appreciate it anyway :) we certainly did. The people who travelled to our wedding and had to pay accomodation etc - we asked for no present from them we just wanted them there.

Offer to pay for the dress for DD, but more than likely expect a "no you don't need to pay for it"

Not sure about your DD having to buy them a present

We had a wishing well, but gave people the option of present or well. You also have the option of putting in an envelope with the money, with no name on it.

I had two page boys at my wedding, and they didn't give me a present. I actually bought them one each. Tonka Trucks, that they were allowed to open at our reception and then played with for the rest of the night.

We didn't do a wishing well either, but people gave us either money or gifts. I am sure you wont be the only one giving a gift if that is what you want to do :)

If you'd rather buy a gift than give money then that's what I would do. In the past I have given money when asked but a couple I wanted to buy a lasting gift instead so I did.

I think a beautiful card from your Dd would be a lovely thought but. Don't think a pressie is necessary.

As for the dress I'd offer or at least ask.

Thanks ladies.

I will offer to buy the dress, I have no problem with that :)

I think we will find them a present instead. I know with wishing wells you dont have to say how much you put in, which is good

I actually wouldn't offer to pay for the dress. If the bride was buying it from a shop... maybe? But her aunt is making it so it probably won't cost the bride much money and it is her choice to have your daughter as a flower girl. If you feel obliged to offer I would ask something along the lines of 'would you like me to pay for the fabric?'.

I think a home made card or a picture from your DD to the bride and groom would be lovely.

As for the wishing well... if you would prefer to buy a gift you should do that and I would hope that the bride and groom will accept it graciously. Several years ago DH and I went to a wedding with a wishing well. We put $100 in an envelope and placed it in the well without our names. I figured that's what you did, just like you would remove the price tag from a wedding gift?? We also left a card on the table next to the well with some heartfelt words. I noticed that some people had done the same as us, some had put signed cards in the well (I assume with money in the card) and some people had put cash in the well, no envelope or anything. Anyway, we never received a thank you for attending the wedding which I thought was a little rude. Turns out that the bride and groom only sent thank you's to the people who put cash in a signed card!! Because we didn't put our names on the envelope with the cash they assumed we didn't give them anything apart from the signed card - which should have been enough anyway!! So... we no longer see that particular couple and I loathe wishing wells!!!

Thanks Nickle,

Isnt that sad, that your 'friends' couldnt send a card to everyone who attended the wedding, regardless of whether they boasted about how much money they put in the well.
To some degree I think a wishing should be re-named 'how much do you value our friendship/relationship.'
the bride and groom are good friends, they are amazing with the girls, and I am rather proud that DD1 gets to be their flowergirl.
I love shopping for people. I love walking through shops and finding the perfect gift. Well I think its the perfect gift anyhow! :D

That being said; is it them bad to not put anything in the well or buy them something for the day? But send them a gift when we get home, get another paycheck and can afford it?? Thats what they did for us when we got married.