Milk issues.

This could be fairly long and confusing, but I really need some advice!

First - Sam has a mild dairy intolerance. It runs in DH's family and most of them had the same issues when they were kids. Sam can't have normal, regular, from the fridge cows milk without it making him sick. He can have UHT milk without any worries at all, though. Something about the heating process is changing the proteins enough for them not to worry him. He'll eat custard fine, but not yoghurt or cheese, and definitely not ice cream!

For a long time after we got Sam off formula I was providing day care with a bottle of milk for him. I'd just fill his regular bottle with our milk and pop it in the fridge. The problem with this is that Sam would see me getting the bottle ready and become really distressed. They had to start giving him his bottle as soon as he got to day care (instead of at rest time), so they asked about his issues... and then said they would provide UHT milk for him, and I could just send an empty bottle and leave it in his bag so he wouldn't have to see it. All was well, or so I thought.

A week or so ago, they were giving the kids morning tea as I was dropping Sam off. The director handed him a sippy cup of milk. Regular cows milk, so I told her that he couldn't have it, and needed to have UHT milk. She changed it over, but told me I would need to get his dairy issues explained in writing by a doctor.

So I book an appointment, tell the GP exactly what I told day care, he writes it down and we take along the form... I think the director is currently on a bit of a cost-cutting mission. After giving her the piece of paper from the GP, I see her go to the fridge and get out a carton of rice milk, read the labels and then go talk to one of the carers.

I thought I knew what she was up to, and turns out I was right. When I get there to pick Sam up, I find that it's written in the book that he refused to drink his bottle. The director was gone by this stage, but I was able to sit down and have a long chat with Sam's main carer.

The issue has been that with Sam only being there two days per week (Tuesdays and Fridays) that the UHT milk they are opening for him isn't keeping. But the carer was telling me that it's quite possible to use the UHT milk in cooking. They have another child in Sam's room that is there more often that has rice milk. The director's reasoning is that because rice milk is a lactose-free milk, then Sam can have it.

I told the carer that I didn't want Sam having rice milk. To me, it tastes disgusting, smells disgusting, and I feel it is completely unnecessary. The carer said she wasn't impressed either as insisting on Sam having rice milk was just going to mean he has nothing. Yes, I know Sam doesn't NEED the milk, but he really gets no other source of calcium in his diet so I'm not really ready to cut it out completely. I'm certainly not keen on doing what the MCHN suggested and ditch all milk and all bottles and just give him a multivitamin.

I guess I just feel that I would prefer him to get what he needs from food, rather than from a supplement. And to that end, when we have found a form of cows milk that he can tolerate and he can get his calcium from that, then I'd prefer that to the artificially fortified alternative of rice milk! Apart from that, Sam's a bit of a picky eater and gets very little protein in his diet - so I'm feeling much more comfortable about him having cows milk than rice milk which contains no protein!

I'm just trying to think through what to do tomorrow. I told the carer that if it was an issue, I'd go back to supplying his milk for him, and she said I shouldn't have to do that. I'm guessing that when I drop him off, I will just have to tell them outright that I do not want him to have rice milk. If we're going to be out and about when Sam will want a bottle, we pack an empty bottle and an individual 200mL tetrapack of UHT milk. I'm thinking that I will put one of them in his bag, so they can't say it's an issue of not having any in the centre.

I can't help but wonder if I'm over-reacting. But I also figure that if they had a child on soy milk come in, they wouldn't necessarily insist that they have rice milk because that's what this other child is doing. They wouldn't suddenly start giving goats milk to a child... so why suddenly give my child rice milk?

Thing is, when we initially made the change to the centre providing milk for him, I was told that they always keep UHT milk on hand for emergencies, in case they run out. If they are worried about Sam not using it all, why can't they give some of the other kids on regular milk some of the UHT milk they've opened for Sam, or am I just asking them to do to other children what I'm upset about them doing to mine?

I just don't know! I'm not even sure if Sam will be going to day care tomorrow as he's been fairly unwell this week, but even if he doesn't go tomorrow, I'll still have to take him back eventually and address all of this then.

Or is it simply a case of I need to go back to the GP and get them to be more specific in their wording and instead of "lactose-free or UHT milk", get them to make it "lactose-free cows milk or UHT cows milk", just so they have no room to start getting creative about what they give him?

Of course, if you think I'm over-reacting, tell me!

BW

Nope, don't think you're overreacting at all. I agree that if they are worried about the milk not keeping why can't they give it to some of the other kids as well? I keep UHT milk at home in case I run out of normal cows milk and have given it to DS a couple of times and he's been none the wiser.

How much milk does he have in a go? When you say you could supply the 200ml pack - why can't they just buy some of these instead of the big ones?

If it were me I would supply the little ones for a few days but say tht you expect them to get their "stuff" sorted asap. It's really not like what you are expecting is a lot...

Good luck!

Sam prefers to have around 250mL, but he'll be content with 200mL if that's all he's given.

I'm certainly thinking that I'll take one of our little packs and tell them it's there... and it's probably a far more expensive option for them to take than to just give the other kids a bit of UHT milk, or to use it in cooking, or what ever, but their choice! If I have to supply our own milk, I will. It's not what I want to do, but if I have to...

BW

I don't think you're over reacting at all, it seems like you've taken all the reasonable steps. I don't think cost cutting is a reasonable excuse for them to stop providing your sons milk if that's what is expected and worked out between you, and I agree with all of your points and questioning.

Can you have another meeting with the centre? Explain everything you've said here? Perhaps put it in writing for them? If it still doesn't work for you, I'd be getting the letter from your GP with the wording you've suggested.

a litre of Aldi UHT milk costs $1, they must be penny pinching.

Wow that really is penny pinching! Dd1 was lactose intolerant and now Ds is. Our centre provide soy but I always provided lactose free milk for her as she didn't like it. Ds is starting in a few weeks and I will provide the formula.

But if your centre has said they will use the UHT then they should continue to do so.

I would insist they give him the milk you do. It would likely be one of their policies that they provide a home like environment, and to follow your home routines and parents wishes as closely as they can, so they would need to do what you want. It is definately not unreasonable. You have very valid reasoning as to why you want him to have this certain milk. I don't see why they couldn't just give the remaining milk to the other children or use it in their cooking.

I actually see it a little differently... I think the centre are fulfilling their responsibility to Sam by providing lactose-free milk, as per your doctor's letter, in the form of rice milk. I understand that he doesn't like the taste of it, but if they try to cater to every child's individual taste buds they would probably be preparing 50 different meals per day. It does seem that they could use left over UHT in cooking and that would provide a good compromise, but I don't think I personally would create a big fuss about this issue. The centre have provided a lactose-free milk. They aren't required to do more than that. If Sam doesn't like the rice milk, I would provide a litre of UHT myself each week and ask that they give him that.

So if they are providing your child with milk, and just decide to randomly give them soy milk that's ok and you wouldn't have a problem with it? I'm afraid that in my book, soy milk, rice milk, oat milk and all the rest isn't actually MILK. It's fake, pretend processed stuff. Milk comes from an animal and that's what I want him to have.

And as far as I know, they are actually required to make sure there are alternative options if a child doesn't like the food that is offered. They aren't allowed to let a child go hungry. To me, this falls in the same boat.

BW

i agree with the others - address the issue hun. rice/soy/oats milk are not milk. they are substitutes. you want your son to have UHT milk, he should have UHT milk.

i thought UHT lasted a week once opened? why can't they spend a dollar on a UHT milk, use it tuesday and friday, and then cook with what is left on monday? i don't get it.

just because his dietary needs are being provided for in the form of rice milk, if he's not going to drink it and is getting distressed, they are not meeting their duty of care. at all

ETA - if it's a cost cutting thing - isn't UHT cheaper than "real" milk? why don't they put the whole centre on UHT?

BW, I would be asking them to do as you have asked, You are paying them to look after your child, they should be fulfilling the childs needs...

I would be addressing it with them as well.. And if my kids were served UHT milk, I wouldn't be concerned. They drink it when we are on holidays and don't have access to a fridge. But they have offered to supply it.. What I don't understand is why they can't just say that they can't supply it, and can you start sending it in, cause it seems that you are happy to do so..

We send milk for DS as he has A2 milk. He can drink normal milk, but we prefer him to have this and I know there is no-way they would supply it for him.. on occasion, they have slipped up, but thankfully for us, it is a preference, not a health concern.

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Of course, if you think I'm over-reacting, tell me!

BW

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You asked for opinions and so I have given you mine.

If my child had dietary requirements outside what was available as standard (ie. regular cow's milk) I would expect to have to provide it myself, whether the alternative was UHT, rice or soy milk. I really would.

I can't figure out how to insert another quote, but BW you posted:

"And as far as I know, they are actually required to make sure there are alternative options if a child doesn't like the food that is offered. They aren't allowed to let a child go hungry. To me, this falls in the same boat."

My DD used to attend childcare. The children were given toast/cereal for breakfast, fruit for morning tea, a hot meal for lunch followed by custard or yoghurt, fruit cake/muffin etc for afternoon tea and sandwiches for the kids still there for supper. If they didn't like what was on offer then I suppose they were hungry until the next opportunity to eat. Funnily enough, all the kids seemed to eat what was on offer. I only serve one meal in my house for dinner, if the kids don't eat it they don't get dessert. I wouldn't expect a child care centre to present multiple options either.

I think you are within your rights. If he needs UHT milk, then they should give him UHT milk, not rice or soy. You may never have given him rice or soy milk so have no idea if he does or doesn't have a reaction to it, so why should they risk it by giving it to him!!!! I have ethical issues with soy and would be rope-able if somebody gave my child soy.

You stand up for your rights, and for Sam's rights!!!

I'd have been ripping heads off it were soy - I just don't think it's something little boys should be exposed to!

An after hours GP told us to increase Sam's ventolin last night, and it's made a huge difference to his cough, so it was off to day care this morning. I packed an individual UHT milk for him, just in case. But when I arrived and told the girls it was there, the carer I spoke to on Tuesday told me that they would no longer offer him rice milk. Yay!

I'm still feeling a bit miffed. I guess I'm mostly upset because they didn't tell me they were going to do it. They didn't tell me on Tuesday that they'd offered it, he didn't like it, so they wouldn't do it again.

I know that they have technically followed what was written - to the letter. But, I feel that in doing so they have ignored the spirit of what I was asking. Pharisees!

BW

I cant believe this is such an issue with the day care. Honestly, i would feel better just supplying all his milk for the days he is there. and ewwww rice milk! You are well within your rights hun and dont let this go! Stand up for him and yourself!

Glad it has been all sorted now. TBH I would probably also provide the milk just so I'd know he's getting the right one. No you shouldn't have to, but for completeness' sake that's what I'd do.
Interesting the point about how CCCs have to provide an alternative at mealtimes. I am having a struggle with this but the other way round - I don't want them to offer an alternative to Nat! She has MEGA eating problems and I have only just discovered that if she doesn't eat her lunch (and she never does!) she is given a sandwich. I was actually really surprised by this and have asked them to stop it. I can't sort out her eating problems at home if she's getting this capitulation at kindy. It's a toughie, but it surprises me that it's something they 'have' to do.