Milk issues.
This could be fairly long and confusing, but I really need some advice!
First - Sam has a mild dairy intolerance. It runs in DH's family and most of them had the same issues when they were kids. Sam can't have normal, regular, from the fridge cows milk without it making him sick. He can have UHT milk without any worries at all, though. Something about the heating process is changing the proteins enough for them not to worry him. He'll eat custard fine, but not yoghurt or cheese, and definitely not ice cream!
For a long time after we got Sam off formula I was providing day care with a bottle of milk for him. I'd just fill his regular bottle with our milk and pop it in the fridge. The problem with this is that Sam would see me getting the bottle ready and become really distressed. They had to start giving him his bottle as soon as he got to day care (instead of at rest time), so they asked about his issues... and then said they would provide UHT milk for him, and I could just send an empty bottle and leave it in his bag so he wouldn't have to see it. All was well, or so I thought.
A week or so ago, they were giving the kids morning tea as I was dropping Sam off. The director handed him a sippy cup of milk. Regular cows milk, so I told her that he couldn't have it, and needed to have UHT milk. She changed it over, but told me I would need to get his dairy issues explained in writing by a doctor.
So I book an appointment, tell the GP exactly what I told day care, he writes it down and we take along the form... I think the director is currently on a bit of a cost-cutting mission. After giving her the piece of paper from the GP, I see her go to the fridge and get out a carton of rice milk, read the labels and then go talk to one of the carers.
I thought I knew what she was up to, and turns out I was right. When I get there to pick Sam up, I find that it's written in the book that he refused to drink his bottle. The director was gone by this stage, but I was able to sit down and have a long chat with Sam's main carer.
The issue has been that with Sam only being there two days per week (Tuesdays and Fridays) that the UHT milk they are opening for him isn't keeping. But the carer was telling me that it's quite possible to use the UHT milk in cooking. They have another child in Sam's room that is there more often that has rice milk. The director's reasoning is that because rice milk is a lactose-free milk, then Sam can have it.
I told the carer that I didn't want Sam having rice milk. To me, it tastes disgusting, smells disgusting, and I feel it is completely unnecessary. The carer said she wasn't impressed either as insisting on Sam having rice milk was just going to mean he has nothing. Yes, I know Sam doesn't NEED the milk, but he really gets no other source of calcium in his diet so I'm not really ready to cut it out completely. I'm certainly not keen on doing what the MCHN suggested and ditch all milk and all bottles and just give him a multivitamin.
I guess I just feel that I would prefer him to get what he needs from food, rather than from a supplement. And to that end, when we have found a form of cows milk that he can tolerate and he can get his calcium from that, then I'd prefer that to the artificially fortified alternative of rice milk! Apart from that, Sam's a bit of a picky eater and gets very little protein in his diet - so I'm feeling much more comfortable about him having cows milk than rice milk which contains no protein!
I'm just trying to think through what to do tomorrow. I told the carer that if it was an issue, I'd go back to supplying his milk for him, and she said I shouldn't have to do that. I'm guessing that when I drop him off, I will just have to tell them outright that I do not want him to have rice milk. If we're going to be out and about when Sam will want a bottle, we pack an empty bottle and an individual 200mL tetrapack of UHT milk. I'm thinking that I will put one of them in his bag, so they can't say it's an issue of not having any in the centre.
I can't help but wonder if I'm over-reacting. But I also figure that if they had a child on soy milk come in, they wouldn't necessarily insist that they have rice milk because that's what this other child is doing. They wouldn't suddenly start giving goats milk to a child... so why suddenly give my child rice milk?
Thing is, when we initially made the change to the centre providing milk for him, I was told that they always keep UHT milk on hand for emergencies, in case they run out. If they are worried about Sam not using it all, why can't they give some of the other kids on regular milk some of the UHT milk they've opened for Sam, or am I just asking them to do to other children what I'm upset about them doing to mine?
I just don't know! I'm not even sure if Sam will be going to day care tomorrow as he's been fairly unwell this week, but even if he doesn't go tomorrow, I'll still have to take him back eventually and address all of this then.
Or is it simply a case of I need to go back to the GP and get them to be more specific in their wording and instead of "lactose-free or UHT milk", get them to make it "lactose-free cows milk or UHT cows milk", just so they have no room to start getting creative about what they give him?
Of course, if you think I'm over-reacting, tell me!
BW
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