Urgent! Secondhand smoke and bub

DD is 6mos and was 6 weeks early, major surgery after birth, ventilated for 4 days.
Born at 1.6kg and sitting at about 5.5kg now.

Off to see MIL tomorrow who is a massive smoker. She's not allowed to hold DD for at least 45mins after a smoke. She's only seen DD once since she was out of hospital, and only once in hospital. Long story.

I've been googling trying to build an argument as to why she can't smoke around DD, but I can't find anything. All I can find is secondhand smoke effects on unborn bubs.

Any ideas?
What should I say?

2ndhand smoke is bad for everyone, not just babies!
Smokers also have all sorts of nasty toxins on their clothes, skin and hair, so also not good for babies even when she's not smoking.

I know. She stinks of smoke. I hate it. But, I can't really say she can't hold her at all. I'd love to, tho!!!

:

---

I know. She stinks of smoke. I hate it. But, I can't really say she can't hold her at all. I'd love to, tho!!!

---

I would most definitely say she can't hold her. Unless she's wearing clean fresh clothes - not smoked in - and has washed her hands. That would be a minimum. Your mil will know how bad smoking is - everyone does these days. Surely she won't love smoking so much that she'd choose it over a relationship with her granddaughter? Not that she won't have a relationship with her, but her smoking may restrict it. She wouldn't want to negatively affect her granddaughter, I'd hope she can hold off smoking while she's around

Hope these help

Passive smoking may harm infants from birth | Science | The Guardian
Passive Smoking Increases Risk Of Bronchial Obstruction In Infants
"Fact Sheet: Respiratory Health Effects of Passive Smoking" | Smoke-free Homes Program | Indoor Air Quality | Air | US EPA
Parental smoking and passive smoking in infants: fathers matter too

Also, from persona experience, a child with any lung issues who is exposed to second hand smoke (in my case, my mother was smoking in the lounge after I went to bed at night and my son was playing in that room the next morning) can make them very sick, very fast. As your daughter has been ventilated than she may be at risk of lung issues. Not a risk worth taking with a healthy infant, imho, and definitely not in yours. Personally I would be asking for your MIL to change clothes after smoking, then wash hands and face, before holding your daughter.

A few more articles

BBC NEWS | Health | Smoking outside 'harms children'
Neuroscience for Kids - Nicotine, Second Hand Smoke, Infants

I was told that even if a smoker does not smoke around a child, changes their clothes after a smoke and washes themselves that it still puts a child at a higher risk of developing asthma. BUT I am pretty sure that would probably involve repeated exposure.

I think you should just be firm with your MIL and say that it is your choice that you do not want your DD exposed to any of the toxins. If she questions it remind her that she is YOUR DD and it is YOUR choice.

GL!
Janie xxx

:

---

I was told that even if a smoker does not smoke around a child, changes their clothes after a smoke and washes themselves that it still puts a child at a higher risk of developing asthma. BUT I am pretty sure that would probably involve repeated exposure.


GL!
Janie xxx

---

That was enough for us to say no. FIL didn't hold our [very healthy] DD until she was 4 months old. And even then it was only for 5 minutes before bathtime. Hubby copped a punch in the face for it (long story) but we both still think it was worth it.


You can say no. Be strong, and stay strong, for your baby girl who needs your protection. Look up "third hand smoke" and you may find more, but Trav has done some good work for you already.

Thanks, guys. And thanks for the links, Trav!!
Third hand smoke bought up alot of good stuff, too.

It looks like DD is getting a cold. An even better reason to say no to holding.
MIL hasn't seen DD since February. We made plans to see her, but she always cancels. Long story. She think I'm a biatch anyway. I am. But I'm usually pretty good at hiding it, bahaha. :rofl:

It's going to hurt DP by not letting anyone hold her, as its not just MIL. Its all MIL's and FILs family, its SIL's engagement party... And we want a picture of DD and DP's grandfather, as he's got lung cancer. Not sick at all, but you never know when he's going to drop off.

I think that I'm just going to have to say No. Gah, this is going to end badly.
MIL already hates me because we're only invited one of her brothers to our wedding, instead of 2 more brothers, 2 more sisters, and other family. Long story. Again.

Thanks so much, guys. Still not look forward to tomorrow and the weekend.

Stay strong hun. It'll probably suck, and your MIL will probably hate it, but tough. You are your daughter's advocate, you need to stand up for her rights - in this case, her right to be healthy and not exposed to toxins unnecessarily. Just because your MIL wants a cuddle is not a good reason to give in. And hey, if she already doesn't like you, what does it matter if she doesn't like this either lol. I honestly think you'll feel better knowing your daughter is safe and healthy than trying to get your MIL to maybe warm to you.

Would also be good if your DF was on your side - show him Trav's articles, explain why your MIL won't be holding your DD, and get him to enforce it with you. Good luck for tomorrow and the weekend!

Here is another good article on smoking - http://www.sidsandkids.org/wp-conten...ds/Smoking.pdf

:

---

I've been googling trying to build an argument as to why she can't smoke around DD, but I can't find anything. All I can find is secondhand smoke effects on unborn bubs.

---

I think the fact that you are DD's mummy should be a more than reasonable enough reason to be allowed to say no smoking! :)

My mum is a heavy smoker and the rules around her smoking are very clear...if she wants to hold my DD she mustn't smoke.....at all during the whole visit....if she has a problem with that- thats fine, she doesn't get to hold DD!!

If you can't tell, I am passionate about this. DD is my daughter and I am here to protect her and if others don't like it...too bad ;)

See Punching Bag room.

:-(

:

---

See Punching Bag room.

:-(

---

Oh no.