Advice needed - force my 3yo swimming or not?

I need some advice please. And i apologise for this being a little long but thought it might help to know the whole story.

We've been taking our DS1 to swimming lessons since he was 2. He was doing fine swimming with either DH or I in the toddler classes. We also have our own pool so he has been use to water...though obviously we haven't been in our pool for a while (bring on summer i say).

So the week DS1 turned 3 they felt he was ready for the next level where there is 3 in the class and its just the kids and instructor in the pool. For the first 4weeks he was doing pretty well. There was still a slight issue in actually getting in the pool- but after a 2minute cuddle with the instructor he was fine and did everything perfectly. Now about this time we decided to stop taking our DS2 swimming who was about 16months old (couple reasons - 1. He just cried the whole 30minutes in the pool and 2. My DH began doing night shift and was not able to help me take them especially as getting in the pool and even getting out and dressing them was just to awkward at that peak swimming time). So i know that was possibly a trigger and we do plan to recommence DS2 when the weather warms up and we can then also do practices in our pool in between (where they seem happy).

But about week 6 (week 5 we were all sick) his instructor was away so we had a replacement (who we had seen before back in the toddler classes) and he just cried and kept getting out. The instructor couldn't stop him everytime (there is another upset little boy in the class too) so after 20minutes of this and lots of tears later we cut the lesson short. The following week the original instructor returned- took a little longer to settle then previous weeks but he was ok after that. Then we had a sick week again and then the following week i had to take DS1 by myself with DS2- which is fine except i get there and finds out his usual instructor was away. I just knew we'd have an issue. The little play area for DS2 is right in front of the swimming section and DS1 did not want to swim with this new male instructor (he is the owner who we've seen before but not swam with). DS1 kept getting out and running to me where i was trying to play and hold DS2 who was grizzly and wouldn't leave me without lots of tears. Argh it was frustrating! The following week DH took DS1 alone and it was perfect....even got in without tears. Then the following week I had to take them both again alone....well i didn't even get out the front door of our house. DS1 cried & carried on so much at home saying "i don't wanna go swimming anymore". I'd dress him and he'd take his clothes off everytime i got them on. Our class is at 8am- so I had to give up at 7.50 as it takes 10minutes just to drive there, then to find a park (its been extremely busy the last few months all of a sudden) get them both out of the car, undress and spend the 5-10minute minimum tantrum...not worth it. And its been the same story for the last 4weeks- with or without DH.

I've tried to explain why swimming is important, tried to bribe with doing an activity of his choice after, bribed with food treats, tried with the spending quality time with just mummy or daddy avenue. But its still "i don't wanna go swimming anymore".

The other week i did ask one of the instructors (not the usual one but the one we talk to at the counter) what to do. She recommended to keep coming, putting him in the water and disappearing (there is an upstairs viewing area we can hide out). But i can't see this working unless they keep DS1 in the pool while I get DS2 organised from the play area to take upstairs (unless DH is available to take him or stay home with DS2). But then its an issue to even to swimming in the first place....it all starts at putting his swimmers on (which he has 3 favourites to choose from too i might add).

So what do i do? Force him with tears and tantrums or let DS1 decide.

DH says to let DS1 decide- so i said do i cancel his lessons for now cause we can't afford to be paying for lessons were not attending (though they do put them down as make up lessons which never expire). But he doesn't respond. And DH is not really helping encourage it which is really frustrating! I feel its really important to learn to swim, especially as we have a pool.

So please help me. What would you do? What would you try? Whats your experiences?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

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Personally I would take him out of lessons and try again in 6 months or a year. He's only 3 and has loads of time to learn to swim. Lessons should be fun at this age and if he doesn't want to be there you run the risk of creating an aversion to swimming lessons. I appreciate that you have a pool and therefore it is a safety issue, but you can teach him basic swimming yourself in the summer in your own pool if he would be more receptive to this.

If you have a pool - I am sure he will want to go in eventually and join whoever is in the pool.

I think I did early lessons aged 1 or 2, then it wasn't until we moved up here, and my parents put a pool in, that I got into swimming a lot - aged 8.

So I must have learnt somehow in between those times - we used to go to the beach.

I would say don't panic and don't plan so much.

Also there's people who learn quite late in life how to swim - or never get the hang of swimming but still go for a dip in a pool.

I agree with what Traveller said :D

Can you request going back into the class he was previously in? Our swim school had that option for DD if she didn't cope without my DH.

Thanks for the replies.

Yeah- i was wondering whether we teaching our boys to swim in our pool would be enough. I think i'd be right to teach the basics myself (or DH). And when i think about it...i didn't learn to swim until we moved to Queensland when i was 4.5yo and we all had pools (most our friends, family and neighbours that is). And we didn't do lessons either...it was floaties and mum or dad teaching us. We learnt pretty quickly. We're usually in our pool from the end of September every other year so we can possibly resume self taught at home lessons in the next 5-6weeks (depending on this strange weather).

I was just not sure what the 'correct' option was when the instructor was recommending basically forcing them (though i don't know if she sees or understands the amount of upset it causes) and we have so much advertising about how important kids learn to swim from an early age (well it is here on the Gold Coast- i'm not sure what its like anywhere else cause I've pretty much always lived here or near here). Though i do know it still comes down to me/us and our own personal parenting decisions. I don't want them to be scared of the water and i'm thinking forcing may lead to that (though was not sure but knew you lovely people would help me work that out).

Thanks for the advice. If there is any other views please keep them coming. I'd also love to know any swimming instructors point of view if there is any here on bb.

Thanks again.

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im a kids swim teacher and tbh its a tough one!
do you just go to a pool and have a play? i highly recommend that you do if you dont
id be inclined to keep trying but using different tactics...getting him to just sit on the seat with you for one week, then move to sitting on the pool side etc..playing on the side or just joining in at the end for games.
that gives him some time to feel comfortable again.

can he go back to the other class at all? i know that might not work in your situation (with having another to look after!) but maybe the move up in class has shaken his confidence a bit? can he tell you exactly what it is he doesn't like about swimming any more? does he have any friends who go to classes?
if it's really upsetting him & all avenues have been explored then i wouldn't see any problem with having 6 months off & trying again - you don't want it to end up being something he hates so much he never wants to learn.

Sorry about not getting back to reply sooner.

Olive - its not really a pool we can play in. It is a big indoor pool divided into the swimming sections- which are usually all occupied when we are there (babies at one end, toddlers at other and 2 level classes in the middle and the lanes for advanced). Its also harder now for me to get back in the pool with him because I've got DS2 to look after who I can't leave in the small play area for too long- has cried the last few times i've put him in there. But we do have our own pool at home which i thought might help to have that fun playtime in....just need the weather to warm up to be able to get in there. DS1 has usually loved our pool which in the past. And he loves the bath- will stay in there playing and floating til its cold. So i'm hoping that would help.

Sloane- I'm not sure if he can go back down- he really was ready and very capable and was doing almost perfectly (except for the initial getting in part) for the first few weeks. Though I would think if we really needed to they'd let us. But may not be always possible now I'll have to do it alone most of the time due to DH's work...so once again face the dilemma of dealing with a crying and screaming DS2.

I'm also now wondering whether its just a little too much doing full day childcare Thursday and Friday then to get up early to go swimming on Saturday morning.

I'm thinking I might cancel permanent swimming classes for now and using the make up classes on my non work days and see if that helps....trialling different days and times to see if any work better. Will let ya's know how i go.

Thanks again for your replies and advice.

Bec sent this from her Samsung using Tapatalk- please excuse any mistakes- still adjusting to this new phone.

We had similar issue DS1 (lessons from 6 months to 17 months then 2 until 2 and 1/2) progressed to diff pool but with me still in with him but he would regularly cry and not listen and do his own thing rather than what group doing.

We also had issue of DS2 (6 months till 13 months) and being such an exercise for me to take him in get him dried and changed then take DS1 in for his lesson.

So after 6 months of this we stopped, possibly go back next year.

I would go with what Olive said and then some. I'd involve the whole family in a separate swim session at a pool with a hydro pool (if they don't have dumb restrictions on age). That way, the water temp is not an excuse to not get in and it's pleasurable again.
DD hasn't taken to the pool the way DS did, but that's because we interrupted her swim lessons when we moved away from the only school I loved for baby swimming. I have since booked a private swim session at our local indoor (it's a 15m pool that's run by a committee in a country town) one night a week. DD is getting her confidence back (esp the last few times) since swimming with all of us in the pool, and DS gets an extra sesh in the pool on top of his lessons that no longer involve me (he's 5). DS is a gun in the water and going to the pool with him was always a fun prospect. By the time DD was born he was able to play near me and I could concentrate on practising what we'd done in lessons together. That's a combination of age gap and the swim school (not your typical YMCA program), and it ties in with developmental stages.
We just haven't spent that family time with DD since January, so it's taking longer to get her up to speed. The more she spends time with DP in the water the better she is, too, or she ends up clinging to me too much (I don't carry her, she has to hold on to my shoulders by herself). She improves when I get a chance to swim off with DS and do fun stuff. It helps so much to model having safe fun, showing them that it's enjoyable and we're not afraid of getting in. Not saying you're afraid, but modelling water play is really important, whether you have a pool or not.
I wouldn't force the issue of getting in the pool without you, that sounds like a disastrous plan. I'd just go back to getting in the pool with DS and putting the pleasure back into it, but I would also suggest that this be regular and frequent - hard to do when it's not scheduled in and paid for, like term fees!
DP wasn't initially keen on our swim booking, but I talked him round, explaining that by making it a permanent booking it was OUR night to do a family thing together, because everything else is pretty fluid in our family, and there is a place for some regularity.
A family play swim could take the mission out of swimming with the kids :)